The Dragon's Eye
by Phedoria
Summary: A young Khajiit girl has lived her whole life among the Nords. She doesn't remember her past. She loves a Nord, a proud and honorable man. Their sweet love is about to bloom when disaster strikes. An unreluctant hero, filled with anger and hate, arrives in Whiterun. All he wants, is to revenge the death of his family. (rated M for gore, violence and lemons in later chapters)
1. Chapter 1: Night of the Auroras

_This is an older fanfiction, that I once published here. At the time I wasn't very satisfied with it so I eventually removed it. Now, after re-writing and some editing, I decided to put it up again. _

_Skyrim is owned by Bethesda. I aplogize for possible mistakes and grammatical errors. _

_Please enjoy :)._

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><p><strong>1. Night of the auroras<strong>

As the northern lights blazed in the sky in all the colors of green, blue and red and the city and its people were fast asleep, she was afraid to close her eyes. What she could not remember with her waking eyes, always came to her in her dreams. And as the morning came and the suns first rays hit Whiterun, as the stars faded and birds started singing behind her bedroom window, she lost everything she was trying so hard to reach in her dreams.

So she preferred not to sleep. To stay awake as long as she could.

In these lonely, silent nights, she tried to keep her mind on other things, but mostly she just wandered around the empty halls of the Dragonsreach. The guards didn't pay much attention to her, most of them just nodded politely as she passed by. Silently she walked down the stairs, paused to looked around the large, wooden hall which was now empty. During the days, the longhouse was usually filled with people.

There was Iritelth - who rarely smiled - standing next to the Jarl, keeping him safe from all the possible threats. The Dunmer took her job very seriously and she always checked every visitor personally, whether they were farmers outside of the city asking for help with wolfs and bears, or some noble Thane from Solitude, bringing regards from the Empire and Jarl Elisif the Fair. Irileth never let her guard down.

And to this day, Irileth still had suspicions about her.

Even though she had been living in Dragonsreach for years now, she could feel Irileth's eyes upon her, whenever she approached the Jarl or even said few words to him. But she couldn't blame her. Many people in Skyrim considered the Khajiit thieves and Skooma-addicts, unreliable creatures with lots of problems. If this wasn't Whiterun, she wouldn't be allowed inside the city walls.

But Jarl Balgruuf the Greater was a noble and a good man. He was one the most stubborn Nords she knew. But he always smiled at her, always asked how she was doing no matter how busy he seemed to be. Even when he was in the middle of a heated discussion with his steward, Proventus Avenicci, he usually had time to greet her and give her a warm, delightful smile.

The large hall was empty, she guessed that even Irileth had gone to bed at some time of the night. Her steps were quiet and muffled as she moved across the floor. For a moment she stopped beside the big fireplace, which still had glowing embers of burned wood. All the hundreds of fires that were burned in this pit, had left their distinguished marks on the hall. Most recognizable was the rather comforting and cozy smell of the smoke that had embedded itself in the wooden walls and beams. Many people who lived inside the Dragonsreach didn't seem to notice it anymore, they were so accustomed to it. But she could always smell it and never grow tired of it.

It was the smell of home.

The warmth surrounded her and like so many times before, she felt safe and happy here. No danger could reach her inside these sturdy walls.

As she started to feel drowsy, she moved away from the fireplace. She plinked her eyes couple of times and walked slowly to the small room filled with soul gems, alchemy books and other magical items. It was Farengar's workroom and his laboratory. She was always welcome here as well. She remembered that Farengar was indeed one the first people that had made her feel like home inside this strange, huge fort. He didn't look at her like a little, weird, wild animal, instead he had kneeled before her and smiled.

Since that day she had been his apprentice. She knew much of what he did and he always explained things to her. He was never too busy to tell about his newest potions or spells. But he also questioned her and corrected her mistakes. He wanted her to know and remember all the different spells and their consequences. He always reminded her that with magical powers came also the responsibility to know how and when to use them. And under no circumstances did he allow her to hurt innocent people. That's why he had never agreed to teach destruction spells to her.

She sat in his work chair and leaned against his table. Her head felt heavy and she had trouble keeping her eyes open now. It could be so easy just to close her eyes and let the sleep take over, but fear kept her awake. She resisted. She knew that the nightmares were somehow connected with her lost childhood.

She wasn't born here, she knew that. And even though the Jarl treated her like one his own daughters, she knew her origins were somewhere else. So many times she had tried to remember, force herself to remember, but the black, thick veil that covered her mind could not be lifted by force. Only in the night, during her deepest sleep, she was able to see.

To remember.

But as soon as she opened her eyes, everything was covered in darkness again. And all she felt was painful emptiness and longing. They all told her - the Jarl, Farengar, even Lydia - that she didn't need to remember. Because this was her home. She would always be welcomed here. She would always have friends here.

But because she was so different from the rest of them, she wished to find out where she had come from. She wanted to find her real family, if she still had any family left. The Jarl saw her desperation and sent some couriers to different holds of the land to ask around about her possible background, but again and again they all returned without anything new to tell. And after the third courier came back from Solitude as empty handed as the others, she learned not to wait for their return.

Lydia had asked around outside the city, from the traveling Khajiit caravans. She even offered them a remarkably high reward and the Jarl had declared that if anyone was able to give him some information, that caravan would be welcomed inside the city walls.

By then, she had asked him to stop. She didn't want him to spend his valuable time or the wealth that was meant for the citizens of Whiterun on her.

- But you are one of my citizens, he said and his voice had been filled with determination. - And it is my duty to make sure that all who reside in Whiterun are well taken care of.

She had felt Irileth's stern gaze upon her and she knew the Dunmer didn't approve the Jarls affection towards her. And to this day she always tried to avoid her. Irileth had accused her of sneaking around the palace like a stalking predator and she indeed tried to stick to the shadows and be as quiet and unnoticeable as she could. But she could never hurt the Jarl.

He was as close as a father to her as she had ever known.

While all these thoughts buzzed around in her tired head, while she tried and tried to understand and remember, she didn't hear soft steps behind her. When a warm hand touched her shoulder, she was startled, her heart bouncing, her ears flattened back against her head and she automatically drew her tail under the chair to avoid instant injury.

- Why are you still awake, Sura? Farengar stood next to her. His voice was concerned and irritated at the same time.

- I can't sleep, Sura answered and lowered her head. She felt a little guilty, like she had just lied right to his face. But it was no lie, she literally couldn't sleep.

- Oh, you mean you don't want to sleep, he sighed and crossed his arms. He was wearing his dark blue wizard cloak and in the shadow of his hood, his face looked scary and intimidating.

She nodded but didn't look up at him. His silent disappointment was unbearable. He needed her help tomorrow for some of his new experiments. She knew little of his current work, but the magic he had been working on seemed very dangerous and volatile. And if she wasn't up to the task, if she wasn't sharp and well rested, if her memory didn't work like it usually did, she would not just disappoint him but put all of the other people around them at risk.

He shook his head and she saw some of the stiffness melt out of from his eyes. He sighed and slowly he walked to one of his cabinets, the one he always kept locked.

The storage for his most dangerous ingredients.

He went through some of the bottles, read carefully every marking and label and finally took out one brightly blue vial. He open the cork and poured a small amount in a silver goblet.

- This is very powerful, he said and placed the goblet in the table in front of her. - But it will make sure that you sleep without dreams. This is the maximum amount you can take. If you drink more, you will die. So never, ever try to take it on your own. No matter how desperate the situation is. Do you understand?

She nodded and reached out for the goblet. It shook in her hand, she hadn't known he had such strong potions in his possessions. But of course, since he was the court wizard, he had to be prepared for everything.

- This is no potion, he said. She looked at him bewildered. It was like he had heard her thoughts. - It is poison. It will overpower your brain. Cripple them, so they can't come up with any thoughts or memories or illusions. It will also paralyze your body.

Again she looked up at him, now more scared of him than her nightly terrors. The goblet trembled against her lips and the sweet, empowering smell of the drink made her head spin.

- Don't be afraid, he smiled when he saw her hesitating. - I'm not going to poison you. I only wish you to have a good night's rest and calm sleep. Now, be a good girl and drink it. And then go to bed. It's effect is quite sudden.

Once more she looked into his eyes and saw no sign of lies. With one quick sip she swallowed the liquid, placed the goblet back to the table and stood up. Farengar nodded, smiled and gently patted her on the head.

She told him good night, turned around and walked to her small bedroom. Since she usually worked in the alchemy laboratory with Farengar, the wizard and the Jarl had both ultimately agreed that it would be better if her room was near his workroom. So Farengar's bookshelves and his massive work table had been moved and she had been sleeping in this small side room for many years now.

She thought it was a good arrangement and she liked her room. Although she didn't have much, the Jarl had demanded that her room would be decorated as she saw fit. A small corner table with fresh flowers, which she always picked herself, she especially liked the smell of the lavender. Few candles and wall scones, little wardrobe with couple of dresses and a tiny chest for the her most important, personal things.

She changed her dress to a comfortable night wear and lay upon her bed, pulling the warm, woolly covers over her. And as the darkness started to creep over her and her vision began to blur, she realized in her foggy mind that there actually was one thing she could remember from her earlier dreams.

A growl - soft and gentle and low, not scary but comforting. And rough patch of black fur under her small fingers.


	2. Chapter 2: Tough as steel

**2. Tough as steel**

The day was as sunny and bright as it could be. The warm winds of the early spring swept over Whiterun and everyone seemed to be in a happy, joyful mood. Even the guards sometimes took off their suffocating helmets and raised the faces towards the light, eyes closed and a careful smile on their faces.

Sura looked over the city. She was at the Skyforge and her blue, bright eyes smiled as a flock of birds flew right over the Jorrvaskr, the great mead hall of the Companions. From the birds her gaze moved down to the training area and she could see some of the Companions down in the yard, talking, laughing and testing their weapons and skills.

- Girl! Eorlund Gray-Mane, Skyforge's blacksmith interrupted her thoughts. - Did you come here to work or to have fun? This steel is still not as thin as I want it to be.

- Sorry, Sura turned back to him and her warm smile melted some of the hardness from his face. - But it's such a beautiful spring day. Did you see those birds, Eorlund?

- The Companions need their weapons, he grunted. - I don't have time to watch birds. And neither do you. Keep forging, that sword still needs much work.

She smiled but did as she was told and kept shaping the hot steel with her hammer. She liked the physical work in the forge, but to this day she hadn't managed to make a sword or a shield that Eorlund would find satisfying. There always seemed to be something wrong, some crack or defect that he would notice. And he was always right. The swords she made and tested, broke easily in the use of experienced warriors and the shield shattered way too soon under the huge pressure or war hammers and axes.

But still she kept going, kept trying to satisfy him. Like the court wizard Farengar, the Skyforge's smith Eorlund Gray-Mane was hard to please and demanded perfection. And still both of these men were willing to teach her. When she wasn't learning magic from Farengar, she spent her days in Skyforge listening and looking as the best smith in all of Skyrim showed her what he did and how he did it.

Eorlund Gray-Mane was proud of his work and he wasn't afraid to show it. But he was also very stiff and stern and didn't allow fooling around. The Skyforge was a dangerous place with the hot, boiling forge and filled with sharp steel weapons. He mostly nagged and complained to her, that he shouldn't let her to come to the Skyforge or waste his time teaching her, because she wasn't able to make anything decent. All she did, was waste his precious materials.

But Sura just smiled at his words. She knew it was part of his nature. Eorlund had never asked her to pay anything and he always had some steel ingots in storage if she wanted to try something other than swords or daggers. She cared for him like an uncle and she would always remember the first time she saw the big, muscular man at his forge, long before his hair and beard had turned grey.

She relived the memory, and for a moment saw him like he was back then, agile and strong, quick and professional. He had perfected his skills, he never made a single useless move and his rough hands - which were filled with calluses - caressed the steel softly and gently like it was his lover.

- Daydreams again? Eorlund saw her looking at him and stood up from the grindstone where he had been sharpening a thin bladed steel sword. He lifted it up to his eye-height, looked down the blade to see if it was curved or contorted. He touched the edge of the blade carefully, brought his thump over it and the softest, slightest touch drew drops of blood from his finger. Satisfied at his work, he smiled.

Then he turned and handed the sword to her.

- This is what I want you to accomplish, he said and now his voice was softer, deeper and gentler. As she took it, she couldn't but marvel the lightness of the blade and the force of the weapon. It felt like it pulsated in her arms, like it had the mind of it's own, ready to strike down anyone who would dare to threaten her.

- Take it to him, Eorlund commanded.

- Him? Sura blinked her eyes. _He couldn't possibly mean..._

- You know very well who's sword that is, Eorlund grunted. - He's down in the training yard. I promised to have it done by today. And take the rest of the afternoon off. I need to clean this mess you made.

- Are you kicking me out? Sura was astonished. That was extremely strange. Eorlund never cut the days short and sometimes he even kept her at the forge late until the evening.

- For the afternoon, I am, Eorlund nodded. - Now get going.

As she walked down the stone stair of the Skyforge, the older man looked after her. He had given her the sword for a reason. The cat and mouse play in Jorrvaskr's hallways had been going on for far too long. Years, in fact. He wasn't about to play the goddess of love, but he wanted to give them the opportunities he could. Because it seemed, that if things were up to those too - the shy little cat girl and the smart but way too honorable warrior - nothing would happen, until they were both old and grey and ready to fall into their graves. He chuckled to himself and grabbed the sword she had been working on. _Well_, he thought and was quite impressed by her work. _Maybe she isn't as hopeless as I imagined._

Sura was nervous. She was always nervous when had to deal with _him_. Never mind what it was about, his closeness made her uncomfortable. The main reason were his eyes. They were grey and seemed cold and unfeeling, but she had seen a flash of fire and passion underneath his carefully constructed shell. His eyes were the most spectacular part of him. She mostly shied away from his gaze but when he wasn't looking, she could've stared at him for hours.

Now she stood the sword in her hands, grasping it so hard that she felt her own claws dig in to her palms. She bit her lower lip, frowned and reminded herself that this was nothing compared to her nightmares. Why was she so nervous? She drew a deep breath and walked slowly to the training yard where the two brothers were clashing their swords. She stopped on her tracks when she noticed that neither of them had any cover or armor over their upper bodies.

She could smell their sweat, it glistened on their skins, and hear their panting. The sun had drifted behind the thick clouds and a cold wind swept across the yard. The two men didn't seem to notice the change in the weather.

And neither did she. She was only wearing her blacksmiths apron and a thin, woolly dress. Her fur kept her warm, and suddenly hot and cold shivers ran down her spine. She wasn't trembling because of the coldness. As she looked at them - _at him _- a strange warmness spread throughout her body. Her heart began to beat faster and she didn't notice how her tail moved nervously from left to right, again and again.

For a moment, it looked like the taller, stronger, bulkier man was winning. He laughed at his brother and the sound echoed throughout the yard. It was deep and warm and filled with affection. He swung his sword around, took few steps towards the other man and charged forward. But where he was incredibly strong and powerful, his brother was quick and agile. All he had to do was take one, small step aside and the charging bear lost his balance. At the last moment he tried correct his move, but it was already too late. He crashed into the ground, his sword flew away from him and he was too tired to get up and continue the battle. His brother walked to him, reached out his arm and pulled him on his feet.

- You need to think before you charge, Farkas, he said to his brother.

- You know me, Farkas laughed. - I never use my brain while in a fight.

- And that's why you can never beat me, Vilkas smiled, shook his head, walked to the stone wall that circled the yard, grabbed a soft cloth and wiped the sweat from his forehead and chest. Only then he saw the girl standing across the yard, squeezing a huge sword in her hands.

Farkas said something to him, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. His blood still ran high because of the battle but her presence exited him in a different way. Farkas' voice didn't reach his ears, all he could see, was the girl.

Her fur was as white as the first winter snow in the mountains. Only few dark stripes dotted it - two in the tail and one above her right ear. He wanted to follow the stripes with his finger, trace them and find out how far those markings continued and were they just random curves and whirls or did form any noticeable pattern. But it was her eyes that always drew his attention. They were the brightest of the blue, like the blazing northern lights in the darkest time of the night. Like the turquoise mountain streams that poured down to the valleys below. Like the sky high above Skyrim, they were wild and untamed.

Farkas noticed that his brother wasn't listening to him. He followed his gaze and as he saw the girl, he shook his head and a knowing smile rose on his face.

- Hey, kitty cat! he yelled at her and waved his hand. - What do you intend to do with that big sword? Have you finally come to cut my poor brother's heart out and claim it for yourself?

Sura couldn't help but giggle at his remark. Vilkas nudged his brother with his elbow. Farkas just laughed, he never stopped teasing her and he always called her a "kitty cat". It was more like a pet name than an insult, there was nothing offensive in the way he said it and she quite liked it.

Suddenly the mood in the training yard was much lighter, her hard grip of the sword loosened and she walked to them. She greeted them both and her sparkling eyes gleamed with laughter. She handed the sword to Vilkas.

- From Eorlund, she said. - Your new sword.

- Looks sturdy, Farkas said and before Vilkas had the chance to even hold the sword, Farkas grabbed it from Sura and smiled to his brother. - Let me test it out for you.

And with that, he was gone and they were suddenly alone.

An awkward silence fell between them, neither of them knew what to say. Sura was looking down at her own feet, and she didn't notice how the man beside her devoured her with his eyes. But she could smell his skin and feel the warmth that was radiating from his bare chest. If she would just lean little closer, she could almost touch him.

By the Gods, why was this woman so close to him and still so far away? He had watched her as the years passed by, as she grew from a little lost girl to an astonishingly beautiful woman. She started to work in Skyforge with Eorlund - which was unheard of, Eorlund never took an apprentice, and still there she was, day after day, from early morning until late in the evening. So close to him that he could smell her, the faint scent of lavender and tundra cottons. Whenever she was there, he couldn't really concentrate on anything so he usually kept to himself, delved into books or went to an occasional mission or two. He went anywhere, did anything so he could avoid her intoxicating, torturous presence. But today, the Gods themselves had lead her here, right next to him.

Sura felt him shift on his feet and all of a sudden she was afraid that he would leave her. She quickly raised her eyes to look at him, to ask him not to go. But he wasn't leaving. He was still there and now her eyes locked into his. She had never seen them so close. The dark war paint made his grey gaze deeper and more intensive. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ Sura thought in her hazy mind. _So soft and gently._ _His eyes are so grey, like the steel of Skyforge. But this man is made of steel, he is as though as steel. Can the warm fire of the forge melt him? _

He could have dived into those beautiful, blue eyes and died happily in their deep, warm hand raised on its own and like a whisper, he caressed her cheeck. She couldn't help but smile to him and without even knowing it, she leaned a little closer.

Was this a dream? His imagination? Did she really answered to his touch? He turned to face her and the only thing he wanted now was to hold her. He caressed her jaw line, lifted her head with his finger and lowered his head to kiss her.


	3. Chapter 3: What it could have been

**3. What it could have been**

They were all gathered in front of two, large windows. Farkas, Aela and Skjor in the other one, Ria, Njada and Athis in front of the other. Even Vignar had pushed himself between Farkas and Aela when he heard what was going on. When he had seen Sura and Vilkas in out in the yard, he had growled something about young people and their weird courtship rituals that lasted years on end.

They all watched silently as the two slowly moved closer to each other, the cat and the wolf. The girl and the man.

- Finally! Aela said. - They have been dancing around each other long enough.

- Nothing is going to happen, Torvar claimed from the other side of the hall. He was calmly sitting in the huge table, eating horker meat and drinking mead. The others turned to look at him.

- Get your coin out! Farkas smiled at him. - You are just grumpy because this time you really have to pay up.

- I know women better than anyone else in here, Torvar slurped his drink. - She is going to turn away at the last moment, play coy or blush all over. Then, she is going to torture him by turning her back at him and walking away swaying her hips as she goes.

- Well, it doesn't seem like that, Ria giggled. – I wish they would just get it over with. Who in these days spends so much time and effort for only one kiss! If it was me, I would have already stripped all my clothes off and ran towards the closest bedroom.

- Pay up, Torvar! Skjor exclaimed. - This is more progress that we have seen in years.

- What does the book say? Torvar asked him. - Only when they kiss, right. That's when I'll pay. Not a moment sooner.

- Wait! Who's that? Farkas frowned and they all extended their necks too see better.

- Lydia! What is she doing there? Aela was astonished. – Ruining a perfect moment! My coin...

The gentle moment between Vilkas and Sura was interrupted by the sword-maiden Lydia. She stood there for a moment, bewildered and then spun around. And without any explanation Sura tore herself away from Vilkas and sprinted after her.

When Torvar saw the lovers pull away from each other, he chuckled, smiled to the others and could feel their irritation filling the air.

- What did I say? Now pay up! I have an important meeting at the Bannered Mare.

- Yeah, with some barrels of mead, right? Njada grunted.

- Wrong! I'm heading there to meet a beautiful woman, more heavenly than anyone in here, Torvar grinned and gathered a huge amount of gold coins from the others. He squeezed his hand around his purse and whistled happily as he almost danced out of the door.

- How come he is so brave in the battle but such a sissy when it comes to women? Aela wondered and stared at Farkas. - You need to beat some sense into him.

- I never win him, Farkas said. - But why don't you give it a go? You used to beat us up when we were just whelps.

- I might just have to do that, Aela looked at Vilkas when he entered the mead hall only moments later.

* * *

><p>Lydia was confused and embarrassed. She had been looking for Sura the whole afternoon, first from the Market, where she ran into Arcadia. She asked her to deliver a message to Sura. Something about new ingredients that she needed. Sura often headed to the plains of Whiterun to get some flowers, mushrooms and insects to Arcadia. And most of the time Lydia went with her. To protect her and to talk with her.<p>

She looked for her in the Dragonsreach and the court wizard Farengar told her to head towards the Skyforge. She could tell that Farengar was not all that pleased to have her wizard apprentice work with the rough and stern smith but he didn't really have any reason to stop her either.

So she headed to the Skyforge. From the bottom of the stone stairs, she could hear the steady pounding of a hammer on a steel and she assumed Sura was working hard to keep Eorlund Grey-Mane satisfied. But when she reached the top, all she could see was the old smith looking at her angrily and annoyed. The man sure was famous and not just for his work. He was also know far and wide for his bad temper and not so friendly remarks. So Lydia didn't prolong her stay, she only wanted to know where her friend was. The old smith didn't answer nor did he interrupt what he was doing. He only nodded towards the mead hall of Jorrvaskr.

She sprinted down the stairs and headed for the training yard expecting to see Companions with their swords and bows and arrows. They were the pride of Whiterun, the toughest, fearless, most honorable warriors in Skyrim. Even Jarl Balgruuf respected them. Their Harbinger, Kodlak Whitemane, sometimes came up to the Dragonsreach. The Jarl and the Harbinger could discuss and debate for hours with each other.

There was no one in the yard except a man and a Khajiit. What she saw was so unexpected, that she stopped on her tracks. She looked around to find someone to confirm that this was indeed the reality and not some weird mirage or an illusion.

The couple were leaning towards each other, almost embracing, almost kissing. She could feel the emotions that flashed between them. Years of longing, yearning, pining. Shyness and fear and hidden lust from her, great gentleness and reassurance and desire from him. It was something powerful and tangible. Something that she had never experienced herself, something she didn't know existed.

In Skyrim, love wasn't in high demand.

She startled herself by uttering a single soft cry. She didn't mean to disturb them but as soon as she made her presence known, the moment changed from romantic to incredibly awkward. She felt his angry eyes upon her and without saying a word she turned around and walked swiftly out of the training yard. She heard hurried steps behind her but managed to get to the Gildergreen, in the center of the Wind District when Sura caught up with her.

- I'm really sorry, Lydia turned to face her friend. - I didn't mean to disturb...

- It's alright, Sura smiled to her and waved her hand. - It wasn't something that was meant to happen anyway.

Just caught up in the moment, Sura thought and felt herself a bit sad. He was probably thinking about someone else and the heat from the battle with Farkas just got his blood flowing. He's a Nord, I'm a Khajiit. There is no way that a warrior like him would find a mere cat like me attractive. And even when his was thinking about someone else, even when there was some beautiful Nord woman in his heart, she was happy that for a short moment, she had been so close to him. Just once. No need to wish for anything else.

Lydia searched her friends face, saw sadness and acceptance in her eyes. She wasn't sure what she had seen or felt between Sura and Vilkas, but it sure wasn't anything empty or tame. Sura smiled to her and she understood that her friend was ready to forget the whole incident. And if Sura didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force her to do so.

- Did you have something to say to me? Sura asked as they headed towards the market district.

- Oh yes, Lydia laughed. - I almost forgot. Arcadia asked you to stop by, something about new ingredient and some extraordinary potion she was making. And I also talked to Adrianne. Your leather armor with the pants and the cuirass is ready.

- Well, let's stop by at Arcadia's at first and if she needs me to bring something from the plains, I can also test out the new armor, Sura said. - Not that I need it. You are always there to make sure I'm safe.

They laughed together as they crossed the market. Almost instinctively they both stopped at Fralia's jewelry stand and wondered the beautiful silver necklaces and rings. They never had the money to buy such luxuries but sometimes Fralia allowed them to try them on. Lydia always thought that the sparkling sapphire necklace was perfect for Sura because it matched her gorgeous eyes so well. Fralia agreed and promised to keep the sapphire necklace safe until she was able to buy it herself.

Sura just laughed at Lydia's words. She did like the necklace but she usually wore her gold pendant. She often wondered where it was from and who had given it to her. The pendant, shaped like a the crescent moon, had been with her as long as she could remember. It felt comfortable around her neck and she refused to take it off for more than few seconds. Without it, she felt naked and unprotected. She also thought it was the last clue she had of her lost childhood. If she would lose it, even the slightest hope would be gone. So she guarded and protected it, always making sure she didn't drop it or misplace it.

They said their goodbyes to Fralia and continued to the alchemy shop.

Arcadia's Cauldron was a cozy and comfortable. It was more like a home than a shop. The owner kept the place clean and always greeted her customers with a smile on her face. She had many ingredients in the front desk and the back shelves were covered with vials and bottles of different shapes and sizes. When she wasn't at the desk, she usually spent her time in the backroom, in her alchemy laboratory.

- Oh, Sura and Lydia, Arcadia greeted. - Nice to see you both.

- Lydia mentioned you wanted to have some new ingredients from the plains, Sura looked around. - But it seems your storages are quite full. What do you need?

- I'm sorry to bother you with such a small errand, Arcadia looked genuinely regretful. - You see, I have this new potion I'm trying to make. I got the recipe from Solitude only late last night but it contains at least twenty different items. I have some of them here but I'm missing the most. I would go and get them myself but I can't afford to close the shop in the middle of the day and well...you both know how dangerous it's out there after dark.

- Don't worry, Sura calmed her. - We'll get them for you.

- Thank you so much, Arcadia smiled. - Okay, I need...

Lydia shook her head and once again marveled Sura's memory. The Khajiit didn't know how to read or write but she didn't need a list to remember Arcadia's ingredients. The Imperial woman listed at least ten different flowers and insects and by the time they made their way towards the Warmaiden's, Lydia has already forgotten most of them. But she knew Sura wouldn't forget. Her memory was unmatched, she could remember everything else - except her childhood.

Adrianne was out at her forge when they approached her. She was a blond Nord woman, strong and proud and she rarely smiled. She was almost always obsessed with swords and axes, made new ones and tried hard to perfect her skills. Lydia had heard that Adrianne's husband, Ulfberth War-Bear, sometimes complained about his wives great interest in war weapons and amours. It was apparent that he didn't get enough attention in the bedroom. But despite that, Adrianne and Ulfberth were one of the happiest couples in Whiterun and their affection towards each other was in evident and everyone could see it. To Ulfberth, Adrianne was his little war maiden.

She greeted them rather warmly when she saw them and was glad to take break from her work. She told the come inside and offered Sura some privacy in the backroom while she tried her new leather armor.

The armor and the cuirass was surprisingly light and easy to wear. She could flex herself and bend down without any difficulties. The armor was dark brown and the leather was molded soft and resilient. Adrianne had even considered her tail as she had left out a whole in the back of the cuirass and the trousers. The boots that went along with the armor were also very comfortable and easy to move around with. They didn't scratch or chafe her legs and the armor felt like a second skin.

She paid gladly the agreed amount of gold. Adrianne promised that if she ever needed her armor repaired or refitted, she would do it at a fair price. Now ready to go, they walked out the door and it was like the spring had suddenly returned. The sun was once again shinning upon them and the cold wind was but a distant memory.


	4. Chapter 4: More than a duty

**4. More than a duty**

As they walked pasted the city gate and towards the Whiterun stables, Sura glanced at her friend. There was something bothering Lydia, she could feel it but she didn't exactly know how to start questioning her. Finally, as they passed the stables, she opened her mouth.

- So, I hear things are nearly settled between you and Hadvar, she started and by her side Lydia sighed heavily. - What's wrong?

- Nothing, she said finally. - I'm perfectly content.

- You don't want to marry Hadvar? Sura inquired.

- It's not him, Lydia said and looked at Sura when she bent down to pick some white tundra cottons in her basket. - I'm sure he will make a perfect husband. After all, he is

kind and patient and handsome and...and...boring, Lydia yawned.

- How can he be boring? Sura scanned around her surroundings and headed towards a large tree stump to pick up some Mora Tapinella mushrooms. - He's a soldier after all. And a Nord.

- Yes, he is, Lydia nodded. - But since he is so stubborn and honorable, he wishes me to stay at our house in Solitude. Taking care of the place, cooking for him, cleaning, looking after the kids.

- But if you wish to experience an adventure, can't you join the Legion yourself? Sura suggested. - Surely he doesn't want you to just remain in Solitude. He knows that there are many women soldiers in the legion, even Legate Rikke is a woman. And she is high above him.

The idea that Lydia would move to Solitude after her marriage pained Sura's heart. She was sorry to see her friend go. In Whiterun, Lydia was basically the only one who accompanied her to the plains, who she could talk and laugh with. She was practically the older sister she never had.

- Oh no, Lydia shook her head. - He told me that he doesn't wish his wife to see the horrors and the gore of the battlefields. And guess what that means? I am to become a boring housewife.

Sura couldn't help but laugh at the image. Lydia rarely wore anything other than her steal armor and the idea of her in a fancy dress and her hair braided neatly down her back made her giggle.

- This is why I trained for years? Why did I learn to fight and kill, if that is my destiny? Lydia sat down on a small rock. She admired the city from afar and already felt a little homesick.

- So, when are you two heading towards Riften? Sura sat down beside her. She had gathered most of Arcadia's ingredients, few were still missing. But the afternoon was beautiful and warm and she felt like they didn't have to rush. Her friend needed to talk and she needed to listen to her.

- I don't know exactly, Lydia looked in the distance. - It seems that things are now quite flammable in the battlefield. The last time I heard from Hadvar, he was somewhere near the Darkwater Crossing, he said that there was bound the be some Stormcloack activity. But that was some time ago. I really don't know where he is now.

- I'm sure he is fine, Sura said when she sensed worry in Lydia's voice.

- Yes, I do care for him, Lydia confessed and looked at her. - And when the time comes for Hadvar and I marry, you will accompany me to Riften and attend my wedding, won't you?

- Of course, Sura smiled. - Wouldn't have it any other way.

Her smile seemed to calm her friend and they sat quietly for a moment, only listening to the distant voices of the city.

- Speaking of marriage, Lydia finally turned to her and grinned. - I heard that you are not very far from Mara's blessings yourself.

- What? Sura asked and Lydia could clearly hear panic in her voice.

- You haven't heard? Lydia was astonished at her friends ignorance. - The Jarl has received at least two proposals concerning you. It seems that men in Whiterun look at you rather...favorably, she giggled.

- No, I haven't heard, Sura said and her heart skipped a beat. - Do you happen to know who these men are?

- Yes, I do know, Lydia nodded. - The other is our own local store manager, Belethor. I have no doubt that he has heard of your incredibly memory and wishes to benefit from it. After all, he wouldn't need to write anything down anymore, you would be his personal, living account book.

Sura smiled and found it hard to believe. He often visited Belethor's General Goods but never had she suspected that the owner would be interested her in some way. Other than as customer, of course.

- And the other one? she could hardly breath.

- Idolaf, Lydia told her. - Battle-Born. If you were to choose between those two, I would recommend the latter. His quite handsome and I'm sure he could offer you a good home and a good life. His family is wealthy and they support the Empire. You could even coax him to move to Solitude, so you and I wouldn't have to be separated.

- Oh, Sura sighed and felt incredibly disappointed. What had she expected? Vilkas was above all of the other men in Whiterun. And would it really be possible for him to marry. He had pledged his life to the Companions, after all. She could only image that the woman he would one day choose, should be strong and proud and match his power and brains in every way. To be equal with him.

She raised her eyes, blinked and looked at the mighty city in the center of the plains. Her voice was weaker and tenuous when she talked again.

- Don't you wish to find love? she asked Lydia. -The person you marry and spend your life with, shouldn't you be able to love him? Is respect really enough?

- Love? Lydia asked, and in an instant she could remember the gentle moment she has witnessed in the Jorrvaskr training yard. Was that love? she thought. Was it really love she had seen?

- Yes, we worship Goddess Mara as one of our divines, Sura continued. - Why do we still so rarely search for her blessings? Why do we settle for someone who we only find moderately pleasing? If you do not love Hadvar, if you see him only as a childhood friend, shouldn't you wait a little longer?

- So, I take it you are not going to marry neither one of them, Lydia said. - That's what I thought. And that is alright. No one forces you to choose your mate. But things are different with me. I'm not some young maiden anymore and if I keep waiting for the Mara's blessing, I might end up married to some old, drunk innkeeper.

- But you want adventure, Sura sighed. - Why choose to marry if the only thing you can expect is a boring life as a housewife?

- I yearn adventure, I do, Lydia admitted. - But nobody is young forever. We grow older. I think it's better to marry now, have a steady home and a place to go, a place to belong to...

- But you already belong to Dragonsreach, Sura interrupted her. - The Jarl is your uncle! You always have a place there, no matter how many adventures you go to.

- True, Lydia nodded. - But the Dragonsreach is the Jarl's home. It's my father's home. And my father also wishes me to marry Hadvar, after all, he promised it to my mother before she died. And I think he worries about me. If he dies, then there is no one to take care of me. That's why he has pushes us in this marriage so strongly.

- So, you marry Hadvar only because your father wishes it, Sura sighed.

Lydia didn't reply, but they both knew that was ultimately true. Lydia was a rational woman, she listened to her head rather than her heart. But Sura was different. She wanted to let her feelings guide her. She believed that eventually her feelings would lead her to her real family. She was sure that she would recognize her family, her parents and sisters and brothers, if she one day would meet them. Her heart would recognize them, not her brain.

- Do we have all the ingredients? Lydia finally broke the silence.

- Almost, Sura nodded. - We best stay clear of the Giant camp, they might get nervous if we get too close. Arcadia still needed some glowing mushrooms and Bleeding Crown's but we can't find those from the plains. And she didn't want us to go into the caves.

- She's right, you know, Lydia pulled out her sword and stroke the steel with her hand. - Two helpless women like us. How could we possibly defend ourselves?

- There are some dangerous creatures living in the caves, Sura grinned. - Spiders, bears, even saber cats. And wolves most definitely.

- Don't forget the trolls, Lydia added casually. - My sword would be too slow to beat down a troll but your destruction spell would burn one to a crisp in moments.

Sura glanced at her and was amazed to hear, that Lydia actually knew some of her most guarded secrets. Farengar would have skinned her alive if he knew that she had learned some destruction spells behind his back. All he wanted her to learn was calming and healing and clairvoyance.

- You are not as secretive as you think, my friend, Lydia nudged her and laughed.

- Apparently not, Sura admitted.

- And I also know that you can actually conjure a flame atronach, Lydia continued and her eyes gleamed with amazement. - That's something not everyone can do.

- I wonder, how do you find out these things, Sura growled but Lydia could clearly see that she wasn't really angry.

- So, with your flame spell, my sword and with a possible flame atronach at our side, would you be interested to get those mushrooms for Arcadia? Lydia tempted.

- That might be the last adventure you and I can enjoy together, Sura smiled at her and stood up. - Let's go, Sword-Maiden. Lead us to our next destination.


	5. Chapter 5: An unknown path

**5. An unknown path**

The first cave they came upon was a shallow, deep cut straight inside the mountain. They could still see Whiterun behind them and one of the watchtowers so if things turned out really bad, they could just run out and head towards the towers. Lydia pulled out her sword and placed her iron shield ahead of her.

- Stay behind me, she said to Sura. - And if you need to use your spells, always warn me before, so I don't get caught in the crossfire.

- Understood, Sura nodded.

The deeper they entered, the darker it got. They could hear water running somewhere ahead, and they needed to watch their steps for the rocks were wet and slippery. The walls were covered with thick and moist moss and they stopped for a moment to gather some even though Arcadia hadn't asked them to bring any. But Sura figured she could use it with some of her own experiments.

After some time, the air suddenly got lighter and they could see better. They glanced at each other when they heard voices coming from deeper in the cave. As quiet as they could, they snuck forward and crouched behind a huge boulder that leaned over the ledge. In front of them the cave broadened, and they could see several people talking, drinking and laughing.

- Bandits, Lydia whispered. - There is no way we can take them all. And there are bound to be more of them in the cave.

- What are they doing here? Sura wondered.

- Most of them are fugitives from the Imperial army and even from the Stormcloacks, Lydia explained. - My father told me that even when they join voluntarily, the strenuous training and the harsh conditions are hard to bear. So they turn and run. And with nowhere to go, they join forces and rob travelers and caravans, even kill and kidnap people sometimes.

- Should we head back? Sura murmured. - Like you said, there are too many for us.

- You're right, Lydia nodded. - Better not risk it.

They turned back as they crept up the tunnel, small rocks crackled under their feet and rolled down hill. Immediately the light chatter down in the cave ended and they glanced at each other, hearts pounding.

- Who's there? a stern voice called out. Sura could hear the metallic voice as the bandit pulled out her sword. She saw Lydia ready her weapon and grab her shield tighter in her hand. Lydia nodded to her and she understood that if things turned out bad, she would need all the help she could get. The bandit approached them. She closed her eyes and, like Farengar had thought her, she cleared her mind to summon the purest and the clearest energy in her body. She hadn't used the fire spell very often but she knew that it required much more energy and concentration than healing or clairvoyance.

- Hey! the woman yelled angrily as Lydia leapt out from her hiding place. She was as quick, she knew how to use her sword, and before anyone could react, the bandit's head rolled to the ground. Lydia didn't notice the blood that spurted from the severed neck, not even when it splattered to her face. In the dim light, she looked scary and terrifying, as her dark hair covered most of her face and her green eyes glinted with adrenaline. She yelled out a battle cry and jumped over the ledge in the middle of the bandit rabble. Without hesitation, she attacked and dodged, always keeping her eyes on the enemy and never turning her back to any of them.

Sura jumped on to the rock, and saw that her friend was surrounded by five or six men, she had already killed three by the time Sura managed to gather the energy she needed. She yelled out a warning, Lydia nodded and leaped out of the way as she unleashed a powerful and destructive fire burst from her hands. It was so powerful that it almost overbalanced her. She was astonished at how terrifying weapon it was and in mere moments the men were engulfed by the flames. They were now screaming and crying as their skin and hair burned away. The smell of the burning flesh filled the air and Sura turned away from the horrible sight. Now she understood why Farengar never wanted her to learn destruction spells.

Silence fell in the cave. The only sounds they could hear was the booming echo of the distant water and the simmering hiss of the fat from the scorched bodies. Lydia seethed her sword put squeezed her shield in her other hand hoping that it would stop trembling. Nothing had prepared her for the powerful magic that her friend wielded. She looked up and saw Sura sitting on the rock but she looked just as shocked and confused. She hid her hands behind her back. She wanted to make sure that she wouldn't accidentally hurt her. Like she wasn't in control of the magic she possessed.

Lydia walked up to her and took her hand into hers. She tried to calm her down with a smile and for a moment they stood there, just contemplating what they had done.

- Quite an adventure this turned out to be, Lydia finally said. - I'm glad you didn't conjure a flame astronach after all.

- Me too, Sura nodded and shook her head. - So, are we considered murderers now?

- They were bandits, Lydia said. - Fugitives and thieves. I'm quite sure no one will miss them.

- Well, we better not tell anyone about this, Sura said. - The Jarl will skin me and Farengar will gladly sleep on my fur for the rest of his days if he finds out about this.

- So true, Lydia laughed and was amazed to hear her own, happy voice. Was she really able to laugh? Watching the burning men roll in their agony, she had been sure no laughter would escape her lips ever again.

- Did you see any mushrooms? Sura asked as she jumped off the rock. It sounded incredibly stupid and an inappropriate question considering the situation, but she wanted to concentrate to something else entirely. Anything that would lead her mind of the burned people laying on the ground. The people who had died by her hand.

- I thought I saw some near the back wall, Lydia pointed and as Sura ran to pick the mushrooms, Lydia searched the tables and the bookshelves and the chests that were scattered around the cave. - Damn it, she hissed as the biggest, wooden chest was locked.

- Here, let me try it, Sura offered, set her basket on the floor, pulled out a small knife and cranked the lock back and forth for a few times. A satisfying click made her smile and she could hardly believe her own audacity. Here she was, robbing the corpses of the people she had just killed.

- So, my Khajiit friend, Lydia grinned. - Now you even know how to pick locks.

She didn't answer because she didn't know how to defend herself. For years she had tried to convince Irileth to believe that she wasn't a thief or a murderer. And now, she ended up being both.

- We'll keep this between us, like we agreed, Lydia calmed her and helped her to open the chest. - Well, not much of a treasure, she sighed as they started at a pile of dirty, worn clothes, old boots and fluffy hats. - Why did they even bothered to lock this?

- There could be something among them, Sura said and started to rummage through the clothes. Soon, a bright smile rose to her face as she felt something hard against her hand. Two small gemstones sparkled on her palm. They looked at them exited, then at each other and at the same time they both burst out laughing like little girls that shared some precious, important secret.

- You take the sapphire, Lydia breathed. - Blue goes better with your eyes.

- I knew you would say that, Sura nodded. - And I know you like emeralds anyway.

She gave the green stone to Lydia. She lifted it up, against the light and looked thought it. - Let's keep these as memories. From this adventure. Years later, when I'm married and living in Solitude, all I need to do is look at this stone and it will remind me of our friendship.

Sura heard sadness in her voice and for the first time she understood clearly that Lydia didn't want to be married. It wasn't Hadvar, like she had said. But the idea of the marriage, to be bound to somewhere, to someone, the boring life as a housewife - that got to her. That frightened her.

But her father - the Jarl's younger brother - was a determined man and Lydia had never disobeyed him. Sura was almost sure that Hrongar didn't know his daughter's true feelings.

- We better move on, Lydia said finally and she looked at Sura's basket. - Do you have everything now?

She nodded. The back wall of the cave was filled with glowing mushrooms and the ground was fertile and had more than one cluster of Bleeding Crown's. She had also picked some Imp Stools and White Caps, she remembered Farengar had run out of them just recently.

- Are we going back the same way? Sura asked. - The tunnel seems to continue. It goes upwards so the other end of the cave might be somewhere higher.

- What we do have to lose? Lydia said, tucked the emerald somewhere under her amour and pulled her sword out again. She looked up at the narrow cavern and turned at Sura who picked up her basket and dropped the sapphire among the flowers and mushrooms. - You better stay behind me again. The tunnel is quite narrow. I think it would be safer if you didn't use the flame spell this time.

- Don't worry, Sura smiled. - I don't even have enough power now to bring up another burst. So, we are fully dependent on your sword now.

- As long you stay behind me, there's nothing I can't handle, Lydia said. - Let's go then.

They entered the narrow path that lead upwards. It seemed to circle around the small stream that was running inside the mountain. The stone walls were filled with cracks and the water pushed its way through the rock and into the tunnel, making the path even more slippery and dangerous. At some points the ceiling was incredibly low and they had to crouch to be able to move forwards.

After some time the sound of water became louder and they could see some light at the end of tunnel. They both breathed deeply as they emerged from the small passage right next to a roaring waterfall that pummeled down the mountain side. They looked around, blinking their eyes in bright light. The ground was far below them and they could see across the Whiterun plains. From the wide stone ledge they still saw the shape of the Dragonsreach, its high towers and sturdy walls but the city of Whiterun was mostly obscured by the towering, snowy mountainside. Below them, little to the right, down by the river, was a small village that consisted of couple of wooden houses, a sawmill and an inn.

- Riverwood, Lydia said. - So, we didn't end up that far after all.

- Isn't Hadvar from Riverwood? Sura asked. - His uncle lives there, right?

- Yes, he's the smith, Lydia nodded and grinned. - A nice man. If I wasn't marrying Hadvar, I could consider him as well.

- You must be joking, Sura laughed. - Isn't he already married?

- Yes, and his wife is incredibly jealous, Lydia said. - She always looks at me angrily and keeps telling me to stay away from her husband. Like I would actually dare to make a move towards him.

- Well, then you have no chances with him, Sura stated mischievously. - You are going to have to settle for his nephew.

They looked around for an easy way to get to the ground level. They could see the rocky road underneath, but just ahead of them was a vertical cliff wall, they wouldn't be able to get down safely that way. The ledge arched slightly downwards in the right side and after they had checked all the other possibilities, they decided it was the safest way to go. Lydia offered to go first.

But she didn't have the chance to test their option when a massive roar shook the earth and the ground.

Shocked, they looked at each other. Neither of them had ever heard anything like it, such a powerful, such a terrifying sound. The echo of the roar traveled right through their bodies and into their bones. It made them both tremble from fear.

- What was that? Lydia whispered and grabbed Sura's hand.

- I don't know, she answered. - And where did it come from?

They raised their eyes to the sky, it was clear and blue. The forest around them had suddenly grown eerily quiet. They didn't hear the birds nor the crickets. It seemed that even the wind had quieted down. The loud drumming of the waterfall was the only voice they heard.

And when the roar came the second time, they clung to each other to safety and comfort and stepped back, behind the shadows of the fall. Whatever it was, they wished it wouldn't be able to find them.

- Look, Lydia pointed to the distance. - Something is burning over there. Behind Riverwood.

- What is going on? Sura wondered. - Isn't there one of those Imperial fortresses? Is that what's burning?

Suddenly, something blotted out the sun. They raised their eyes to see what had caused the sudden darkness. Above the forest, a massive lizard like creature was gliding in the air. All they could do was stare as the black figure swooped down, disappeared for a moment and then came back up. They could hear the voice its wings made, they saw the flames it breathed, how it rained destruction and death upon the already burning fortress.

- What...? Lydia stuttered. - What is that thing?

- It's no bird, that's for sure, Sura mumbled. - Could it be... a dragon?

- A dragon? There hasn't been dragons in Skyrim for hundreds of years. It can't be! Lydia rubbed her eyes.

- Well, what else is it then? Sura yelled. - It's burning down the fortress right before our eyes. There is no way that anyone could survive that.

- We...we need to get back to Whiterun! Lydia decided. - The Jarl needs to know about this. If that...thing...attacks the city, who knows how many more people will die!


	6. Chapter 6: What lies ahead

**6. What lies ahead**

Vilkas was incredibly annoyed. He had been annoyed ever since Lydia the "Sword-Maiden"- _more like a chaperone, if you ask me_ - had made her inappropriate appearance in the Jorrvaskr training yard. Vilkas didn't hate Lydia, he in fact liked the spunky girl, even though she could be rather meddlesome from time to time - _like today. _

Today, he had hated Lydia. For a short time.

It had been the closest he had ever gotten to Sura, because he had never assumed that the girl would be interested in him. But the idea that she could be, might end the torture he had been enduring for years.

He knew that his friends sometimes sneered at him, because most of the Companions knew about his prolonged affection towards the girl. He didn't mind their playful teasing, as long as it remained inside certain boundaries.

He wore his wolf armor, like any other day, and as he walked from the mead hall to the Market, he could feel people's eyes upon him. In Whiterun hold he had never received disregard or ignorance. He always tried his best to uphold the clear image and the honor of the Companions. And from their gazes, he knew they respected him and the beliefs he upheld.

But it was partly because of the honor and the courage, that more than one woman in Whiterun had tried to impose their daughters on to him over the years. And it was not always just the mothers. Most women, Nords, Bretons, Imperials, even some elves, were becoming more and more bold in their advances. And as time passed, he had gotten a certain reputation when it came to women.

He was handsome, he was attractive - but he could also be brutally cold and insensitive. Most women gave up after the first try and went to his brother instead.

Farkas happily accepted the company of the lovely ladies his brother turned down, the more the merrier. Vilkas knew more than one occasion where Farkas had gone to the Bannered Mare to spent the evening with Torvar and Skjor, and none of the three men rarely came back alone, if they came back at all. Since Kodlak Whitemane didn't approve half naked women walking back and forth in the halls of Jorrvaskr, they usually had their pleasures at the Bannered Mare. The innkeeper, Hulda, had gained lots of gold from the Companions. The harder the missions, the farther they needed to travel from Whiterun, the more fun they seemed to need after they came back. And Hulda always welcomed them with warm, clean beds and lots of ale and mead in her cabinets. If there weren't many women, there at least had to be some mead. Women knew Farkas as the stud, the man who never ran out of energy and could always please another woman only moments after the previous one had got out the door.

But with Vilkas, it was another story. He was a man, who only wanted one woman. In his youth, he had of course experienced many different embraces of many different women, but as he grew older, his mind turned to the one woman, to the one person he never though he could have.

_Until this afternoon_.

He fingers could still remember the soft fur of Sura's cheek and the excruciatingly intoxicating smell of lavender and tundra cottons still lingered around him. Even after he crossed the Market, he could still smell it. That was of course impossible, he knew it and his rational mind knew it. He tried to keep his mind clear of her and so he wandered into Belethor's General Goods.

Belethor usually had new and interesting books for sale that he hadn't read before. That was another thing the Companions sometimes teased him about. _The brains of the Ysgramor, indeed._

Despite the teasing, he was ready to fill his lonely evenings with books, one story after another until he was so tired he fell asleep with the book on his face. If he didn't read, he's mind would wonder off, somewhere in the quiet halls of the Dragonsreach.

- Well, well, if it isn't it one of the Companions from Jorrvaskr? Belethor greeted him as he entered. - What can I do for you today?

- Got any new books? he asked him and stepped in front of the counter.

- There might be something in the back, Belethor smiled. - Hold on, I'll go check.

He disappeared in the backroom and Vilkas turned his attention to the shelves and boxes, which were filled with all kinds of stuff, from fox pelts to goat horns. Belethor even sold some weapons and Vilkas took a closer look at the iron swords that were placed in the weapon racks against the wall.

He heard the door open, glanced over his shoulder and saw two women enter the store. Yosolda, the future innkeeper, and Ahlam, the Redguard priestess from the Temple of Kynareth. They talked with hissing voices and he didn't care about their gossip, but as soon as he heard Sura's name, his hearing sharpened and he moved a little closer.

- It is a little extraordinary that Idolaf wishes to marry her, Yosolda began. - But I see nothing wrong with it. If they indeed care for each other, and his family has nothing against it, why not marry.

- You mean because she's a Khajiit, they wouldn't like the idea, Ahlam suggested.

- We all know she is different, Yosolda said. - But I don't really understand why we are so suspicious of the Khajiit. They have never treated me unfairly.

- Way I heard it, Olfrid himself wants Idolaf to marry Sura, Ahlam revealed and Yosolda gasped in surprise. - The Jarl hasn't decided with one way or another with this war, he thinks that if Idolaf is married to Sura, it may persuade him to side with the Empire.

- So, it's a political scheme? Yosolda asked. - Because of the Empire.

- Oh, sorry to take so long, Belethor suddenly appeared from the backroom. - Hello to you too, ladies. I'll be with you in a minute. Vilkas, here are the books you asked for.

Vilkas nodded and walked to the counter. He glanced the books superficially but none of the names stuck in his head. He was confused of the conversation he had just heard. First of all, he hadn't known that Sura had received an official marriage proposal. But the bigger question was..._had she agreed to marry him? _

He could feel anger and jealously lift their heads inside him, his hands clenched into tight fists and his eyes began to burn. He told himself to calm down, he had mastered the chancing process years ago and he knew very well when to unleash his inner beast and when to conceal it.

- Found anything interesting? Belethor asked him.

- Not this time, he stated. He could sense that the shopkeeper had grown a little nervous. So he forced himself to breathe deeply and push the animal back, deeper and deeper until he could feel no trace of its presence.

- Well, maybe next time, Belethor stuffed the books under the counter and as Vilkas walked out, he turned his attention to the two women who were admiring some new shoes and dresses.

The fresh air helped him to clear his mind completely. He was thinking where he could find some more information concerning Idolaf Battle-Born and Sura. There was of course Idolaf's brother, Jon - _the loiterer _- who spent his days in the Market, doing nothing apparently, because most of the time he just leaned against a wooden beam and stared at the sky. Vilkas considered asking him about it, but it would seem suspicious and strange. The Companions were never interested in common gossiping.

He knew that Farkas and Torvar were heading to the Bannered Mare later in the evening. And Hulda knew everything that was happening in Whiterun. All he needed to do was ask his brother to present a few well placed questions to Hulda and she would be more than happy to tell what was really happening. Of course, he would have to bear his brother's sarcastic grin but it was only Farkas after all.

He started to make his way back to Jorrvaskr when he heard frantic voices and yells from the city gate. Whiterun was the city of the Companions, it was part of their duty to defend her walls. He didn't hesitate as he released the leather straps the held his sword in place. He didn't pull it out yet as not to injure the townsfolk but if need be, it would be in his hands in mere seconds.

Lots of people were gathered at the gate and he could barely see what was causing such commotion. But as he saw a glimpse the white fur - _Sura's fur _- he pushed his way forward. When he saw them clearly, the first thing he noticed was the blood.

Lydia was covered in dried blood. It was in her face, her amour and in her hair.

- What has happened? he demanded and the two exhausted women looked up at him.

- The Jarl...Sura panted. - We need to talk to the Jarl.

- Are you hurt? Vilkas asked and quickly pulled her closer, spun her around and searched for telltale signs of wounds and cuts. His bounding heart settled only when he realized she was uninjured. By then she was already in his arms and if there hadn't been so many people around them, he would have held on to her a little longer.

- Let's go, Lydia said. - Something terrible has happened.

- What do you mean? Vilkas asked.

- Come with us to the Dragonsreach, Sura said and grabbed his hand. She was still exhausted from their hurried return and amazed about what they had seen. But his presence here, his concern for her, warmed her heart and made her bolder. It was a strangely familiar feeling, to be suddenly able to hold his hand. It was warm and her small fingers wrapped around his. - The Companions need to know about it too.

* * *

><p>As they entered the Dragonsreach, the Jarl, Irileth, Hrongar and Proventus Avenicci were having a meeting. They turned their heads when the doors opened and shock and amazement shone from their faces. Hrongar, Jarl Balgruuf's younger brother, Lydia's father, was especially horrified to see his daughter in such a shape.<p>

- Lydia! Hrongar ran to her. - What has happened to you?

- What? Lydia looked at his father and only then she remembered her appearance. Even Sura hadn't mentioned that she was still covered by the blood of the bandit who's head she had cut off. Confused and slightly embarrassed, she wiped her cheek and felt the lumps in her hair.

- Speak, child! Hrongar said. - Why do you look so devastated?

- Hrongar, the Jarl stood up from his chair. - Give her a little space and time to explain. Now, children. What has happened?

- My Jarl, Lydia stuttered. - There is something happening in the mountains beyond Riverwood.

- Riverwood? The Jarl asked. - Weren't you two suppose to stay on the plains? How come you went to the mountains? You should know better...

- My Jarl, Sura interrupted him. - We saw a dragon.

The longhouse grew silent. The guards, even the servant maids, who were sweeping the stairs of the reach, stopped their work and raised their eyes. The Jarl looked at his younger brother and disbelief and astonishment ranged in their faces.

- A dragon? Jarl Balgruuf finally said. - That's impossible. The dragons are dead. Have been dead for a long time.

- It was burning down the Imperial fortress near Riverwood, Lydia confirmed.

- Helgen? Hrongar asked. - Now why would a dragon attack there?

- If this is true, Vilkas finally said. - If the dragons have returned, then you must send some men to the nearby villages, my Jarl. You cannot endanger people's lives.

- Hold on, Proventus Avenicci raised his hands. - We don't even know if it's true what these girls are telling us. Maybe they saw a big bird or a cloud formation or...

- We know what we saw, Lydia stated and her voice was steady and convincing. - It was no bird nor a cloud. It was spewing fire, burning everything in its path. It is a miracle if someone survived.

- Hmm, the Jarl stroked his beard. - This is indeed worrying news.

He walked back to his chair, sat down and deep thoughts clouded his eyes. Finally he turned to his Dunmer bodyguard.

- Irileth, send someone to Riverwood, he said. - One man is enough. If a dragon has indeed attacked Helgen, the people of the village must know about it.

- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed and dismissed herself.

- Kodlak Whitemane and the Companions also need to know about this, Jarl Balgruuf said to Vilkas. - I believe I can trust you not to spread this around the city. No need to stir panic among the people if this turns out to be nothing at all.

Vilkas nodded. - You have my word. And if the city gets attacked, the Companions will defend her to the last man. He bowed to the Jarl, looked at Sura one last time, then turned and headed towards the door.

The Jarl turned his attention to the two girls who still stood ahead of him. He didn't want to suspect their words, but a dragon - that sounded way too difficult to believe.

- Sura, Lydia, he started and his voice was soft and gentler now. - You both look tired. Go clean yourselves and join us later for dinner. We'll talk more then.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, when the darkness had already covered the plains of Whiterun and clouds shrouded the sky, Sura stood in the great porch of the Dragonsreach. The city was ominously quiet even though it was quite early in the evening.<p>

They had all dined earlier, sitting in the great tables of the longhouse but the Jarl hadn't asked anything about the dragon. Instead he had directed the conversation to a different topic and tormented Lydia - without knowing it of course - with questions about her future wedding and marriage. Lydia answered calmly and her composure didn't give away her true feelings. Sura expected that the Jarl would also bring up the two proposal concerning her, but he never mentioned them.

As she was standing out here now, she heard the big wooden doors crack open. She didn't need to turn around because she recognized the Jarl's footsteps. He stood next to her for a moment, looked into the dark sky and sighed.

- It seems that Skyrim is in turmoil these days. This land has become a dangerous place. The war is tearing it apart. Brothers turn against each other and fathers kill their own sons in the battlefields. Bandits roam the countryside and the travelers are in constant danger. And now...even dragons...

The war had taken its toll. It had affected the land but also its people. Sura saw some deep wrinkles in his face that she hadn't noticed before. The Jarl was still a handsome man, but even he was growing older.

- In your eyes, I look tired and old, don't I? he said and she lowered her gaze. - Yes, there comes a time when I join my brothers in Sovngarde. But don't worry, I intent to live through these troubled times and see a day when this city and this land are both safe again.

- I think Whiterun is the safest city in Skyrim, Sura whispered. - We have Commander Caius in the charge of our city's defense. And we have the Companions and they have promised to defend this city and its people. And we also have the greatest Jarl in all of the holds, she looked at him and saw a smile rise on his face. - Who would dare the threaten this city?

- You flatter me, the Jarl laughed. - But I like it. I don't get to hear genuine words too often.

The stood in silence for a moment. The clouds were breaking apart and she saw a glimpse of the night sky, filled with bright, sparkling stars.

- I hope this city will remain safe, the Jarl began. - But I also wish to guarantee the safety of those who are dearest to me. I'm not sure if you've heard, but two men from Whiterun has offered marriage to you.

Sura winced. She didn't know what to say. If she would refuse, she felt like she was letting the Jarl down. Disappointing him was the worst thing she could imagine. But agreeing to marry one of the two men didn't seem possible either. For her heart already belonged to someone else.

- To this day, you have not found your real family, the Jarl continued. - And if you never find them, I only hope that you have another family that you can lean to. If there is no one to be found, no parents, no brothers or sisters, why not form your own family.

- I have heard about the proposal, Sura nodded. - Lydia told me.

- You know I won't force you to marry anyone and it is not in my power to give you away, you are free to decide your own fate, the Jarl said. - I instructed them to seek you out and ask from you personally. Honestly, it's hard for me to image you being a wife of the merchant, Belethor. And what comes to Idolaf Battle-Born...well, he's a strong man and he would be able to protect you, that much is certain.

- Yes, he is very strong and vigorous, Sura agreed.

- Not that you seem to need any protection these days, the Jarl stated and when Sura raised her eyes, a knowing smile rippled in his face. Without a word, he pulled out a heavy coin purse and placed it in front of her to the wooden railing. - Here, he said.

- What is this for? Sura asked.

- Those bandits, I had placed a reward on their head, the Jarl sneered. - And I sent a mercenary after them. But as she entered the cave, all of the bandits were already dead and she saw two giggling girls in the middle of the carnage. She was able to describe you and Lydia to me in detail.

Sura gasped and felt herself embarrassed and shameful at the same time. She knew very well that the Jarl didn't want her or Lydia anywhere near danger, he always reminded them of Giant camps and ordered them to stay away. But now, they had not only broke their promise but were caught red handed.

- You two deserve this reward money, the Jarl finally said. - But this is the only time I'll let something like this happen. My brother Hrongar has already lost his wife, he doesn't deserve to lose his daughter as well. And as for you - you know well enough how dear you are to me.

His words warmed her heart and as he turned, she grabbed his hand and for the first time in all the years, she hugged him. She couldn't see how tears glistened in the Jarl's eyes but she felt his warm, strong hands around her and she knew that if something were to happen to this man - _this only father she had_ - she wouldn't be able to survive it.

- There, there, the Jarl patted her head softly. He smiled to her and was about to go back inside, when she stopped him again.

- My Jarl, she started. - I wish you wouldn't tell anything about what happened to Farengar. He would skin me alive if he knew about the destruction spells...

- We all have our little secrets, Jarl Balgruuf smiled. - I promise, this will stay between us. But I also hope that in the future you concentrate more on the healing spells and not so much on destruction.

She nodded eagerly and the Jarl's warm laugher echoed thorough the porch as he walked back inside.


	7. Chapter 7: A man who can't be moved

**7. A man who can't be moved**

A week later Sura was at the Market District, when a stranger entered the city. The reason she noticed him so quickly was because he was a Khajiit. But he wasn't a trader nor with the caravans. He didn't look like a wealthy or important man but still he was allowed inside the city walls without questions.

Sura had just been at Arcadia's Cauldron. Farengar and Arcadia occasionally exchanged some of the ingredients they had, and the court wizard had sent her down to the Market to get some void salts from Arcadia. She stopped for a moment to talk with Fralia at her jewelry stand. She had split the reward money with Lydia and now they both had over 250 gold coins each. But Sura still hadn't been able to buy the gorgeous sapphire necklace from Fralia.

She was about to head back towards the reach, when she saw him for the first time. A male Khajiit. Much taller and much stronger than she was.

His fur was thick and almost completely black. There were some grey stripes, few in his bare arms and some in his tail. He was wearing a brown leather armor but he had cut off the sleeves and his muscular arms were filled with scars and marks. The most noticeable and gruesome sign was a long, ragged wound in his arm, that hadn't yet completely healed. It reached from his right shoulder almost all the way down to his wrist. It looked painful and the blood red skin shone grotesquely between the black fur.

He didn't look around and he ignored everyone. Yosolda, who spent most of her days at the market, greeted him, but he passed her by without saying a word, without even looking at her. It was like he was blind to everything around him. He headed towards the Wind District and strode up the stairs quickly and efficiently.

Sura hurried after him because something about the man interested her. He wasn't very attractive, in fact, to her eyes, he was rather ugly. As she followed him from a distance, she could tell that he wasn't in a good mood. His tale swiped back and forth very aggressively, his ears were drawn back and she could imagine him growling and baring his teeth to anyone who would dare to approach or talk to him.

He didn't stop at the Wind District, ignored the guards and Heimskr, who was once again at his old post, praising Talos and mocking the elves. He didn't slow down at the stairs either and Sura was gasping for air as she ran after him. She kept her eyes in her feet, she was wearing a long dress and she had to be careful not to stumble on the hem as she hurried along.

He continued his way to the Dragonsreach without stopping, without saying anything to anyone. He pushed the doors open and was immediately surrounded by the guards and Irileth. The Dunmer pulled out her sword and walked closer to the Khajiit, who still showed utmost contempt and disdain to the people around him. Irileth didn't care about Sura, so she snuck up the stairs and stood in the shadow of one of the wooden pillars, where she could see and hear everything perfectly.

- What's the meaning of this interruption? The Jarl doesn't accept visitors, Irileth said and her red eyes were gleaming dangerously.

- I have nothing to say to you, Dunmer, the Khajiit answered. His voice was low and raspy. - I'll only speak to the Jarl.

- You will answer when I ask - _cat_! Iritelth growled and raised her sword against his neck.

The male Khajiit didn't seem to be bothered nor afraid by her attitude or her sword. He only sneered, took few steps forward and when the blade brushed against his neck, a small trail of blood ran down his skin.

- Back off! one of the guards yelled, pulled out his sword and was ready to strike him down when the Jarl's voice came deep and powerful from the other side of the hall.

- Put down your swords! he bellowed. - You too, Irileth!

- My Jarl, it is my responsibility to protect you, Irileth refused to back away. - From all and any threats.

- Let him through! the Jarl commanded.

Irileth frowned unhappily, but lowered her weapon. As the Khajiit stepped forward, she hurried right next to the Jarl and kept her weapon ready to strike. She hated it when the Jarl placed himself willingly in danger. If it was up to her, this strange wild animal should have been thrown to the Dragonsreach dungeon and only days later, they might have asked him what he wanted. But now - he seemed very capable and very powerful.

Sura was watching behind the wooden pillars and was taken aback by this man's courage. Was it courage or stupidity? No one before him had the bravery to stand against Irileth. And if the Jarl hadn't called his men away, this Khajiit would be dead already, she was sure of it.

- What can I do for you, friend? Jarl Balgruuf asked.

- I come from Riverwood, he said after a while. The word "_friend_" seemed to irritate him. - Alvor, the smith sent me. A dragon has attacked Helgen. Riverwood needs more men.

- A dragon? In Helgen? the Jarl repeated and looked at his brother. - By Ysmir, then it is true...

- Are the people in Riverwood safe? Hrongar asked from the Khajiit. He nodded.

So it wasn't an illusion, Sura thought. It wasn't some foreign magic either. What she and Lydia had seen was real. But how did this man know about it? Surely he couldn't have been at Helgen, witnessing the situation, could he?

- And how do you know about it? the Jarl asked his visitor. - Are you sure it wasn't some Stormcloack raid gone wrong or...?

- I was at Helgen when it happened, he answered. - I was to be executed.

As soon as he said those words, Irileth pulled out her sword and stepped closer to the Jarl. The sharp blade was once again pointed towards the male Khajiit. He crossed his arms and a derisive smile rose on his face.

- Are you willing to finish the job, Dunmer? he asked Irileth. - Give it your best shot.

- Enough! Jarl Balgruuf commanded. - Irileth, lower your sword.

- This cat is a criminal scum, Irileth stated. - He should not be here at all.

- He has done us a service, the Jarl said and stood up from his chair. - Without him we wouldn't know what is happening. Now, put the sword away, Irileth. We need to send some troops to Riverwood.

- My Jarl, Proventus Avenicci stepped forward. - If we sent more men, the Jarl in Falkreath might think it as provocation. He'll assume we are preparing to join Ulfric and attack him.

- The safety of my people is more important now! Jarl Balgruuf bellowed. Then he turned to Irileth. - Send a detachment to Riverwood at once.

- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed. For a moment she stayed at the Jarl's side, still eyeing suspiciously at the male Khajiit. But the urgency of the situation commanded her to move and reluctantly she left to carry out her duties.

The steward also paid his respects and returned to his post. The only people that remained in the longhouse was the Jarl, his brother and the male Khajiit.

- You have done a great service to Whiterun and to its people, the Jarl stood up and studied his guest with interested eyes. - I won't soon forget it. I would like to offer you some kind of reward.

- No need, the Khajiit answered. - I paid my dept.

- Nonsense, the Jarl said. – You earn a reward for what you have done. Now, would you please tell me in detail what happened at Helgen? the Jarl sat back down on his chair. - How did your survive the dragon attack?

- I was rescued by an Imperial, the Khajiit said. It didn't seem like he wanted to explain his escape any further. - Hadvar. His uncle is the smith in Riverwood.

- Hadvar?! Hrongar exclaimed. - By the Gods! He was at Helgen too! Is he alright?

The Khajiit nodded. He continued his story, using short sentences and never revealing anything about himself. When he mentioned Ulfric Stormcloack, the Jarl sighed.

- Ulfric, he murmured. - So, the Empire almost got him. If he had died, this war would be over. But - he got away?

He nodded. Nothing in his voice gave away his real feelings, but from her viewpoint, Sura noticed that as he mentioned Ulfric Stormcloack, his tail began to move more frantically and his body stiffened. Either he didn't like the rebellion leader or he admired him greatly.

- Well, I'm glad that Hadvar and you got out alive, the Jarl nodded. - You don't need to worry about the war, it's in the hands of our generals and soldiers. But there is something...would I be allowed to know your name, traveler?

He didn't use the word friend anymore. The Khajiit stood silent for a moment. Then, he finally said: - J'Ziir.

- Yes, J'Ziir, he said. - You seem to be a very talented man. If you would be willing to help some of my people...

- I don't have time to help, J'Ziir said. - I didn't come here to help. I don't care about your country or your people. I'm not going to stay in your city for long.

- Where are you headed? the Jarl inquired and ignored his harsh words. - Not that it's any of my business, but...

- There are some things I need to...take care of, J'Ziir answered. - In Windhelm.

- Windhelm? Hrongar spat the word out. - They won't let your kind inside the city walls. They only love Nords up in Windhelm.

- Then the situation in no different from here, the Khajiit answered. Anger momentarily sparkled in the Jarl eyes. - Or am I wrong?

- What do you intend to do? Join the Stormcloakcs? Jarl Balgruuf asked. - Didn't you just say you don't care about this country.

J'Ziir didn't answer. He wasn't obligated to explain his intentions. He was already annoyed at what had happened at Helgen - _when he had been so close to his goal_ - and now this Jarl - _this Nord_ - pretended like he cared for his kind. True, there seemed to be one Khajiit woman living in the city, but she was probably just a servant. Even now that irritating girl was hiding and eavesdropping behind one of the wooden pillars.

- The Stormcloacks won't allow any other race in their forces but Nords, Hrongar knew. - So, even if you go there to join, they will probably just run you out of town.

- I met Ulfric Stormcloack in Helgen, J'Ziir said. - He will remember me.

- Do as you see best, Jarl Balgruuf said. - But before you leave my city, I will ask you to speak to my court wizard. If for no other reason, the least he can do is give you some relief for the pain. That wound looks very sore.

The Jarl stood us, nodded at him and then he and his brother exited the hall. Sura also backed away and entered Farengar's workroom. She was sure he had heard everything even though he hadn't moved from his laboratory.

- Did you bring me the void salts? the wizard asked. Sura nodded and placed the satchel on the table. Then she went to her room, opened her small chest and picked up a red vial. She hurried back and was surprised to see the male Khajiit standing in the doorway. She was sure that he had already managed to slip away from the reach.

She could see the pain in his eyes even though he tried his best to hide it. She didn't hesitate. She walked to him and handed him the vial.

- Here, she said. - This will help. It will ease the pain, sterilize the wound and heal it faster.

- I heard that you are a capable man, Farengar cleared his throat. - Maybe you can help me with something.

- Don't think so, the Khajiit said. He still hadn't accepted the potion from Sura.

- I understand that this might come out as very unexpected, Farengar continued. - But allow me to explain. I've been doing a research about the dragons for quite some time now. Yes, there have been rumors before this attack. You see, there is this stone tablet that I need in order to continue my studies. It's called the Draongstone. I'm not quite sure if it's actually in Bleak Falls Barrow but...

- Not interested, J'Ziir snapped, turned to Sura, grabbed the potion and left the room. Farengar still tried to say something but as the heavy wooden doors closed, it was already too late.

As he walked down the steep, stone stairs, he squeezed the vial in his hand. He wanted to throw it away, he didn't want the pity or compassion of these people. As he passed the big tree in the middle of the Wind District, he nevertheless tucked the potion in his pocket.

He looked around the Market District, darkness had already fallen over the city and all the stands were closed. He recognized the inn by the loud voices and as he opened the door, he readied himself once again to feel their judgmental gazes. The inn was surprisingly vacant, only few people occupied the place and no one raised their eyes when the door slammed shut behind him. Only the innkeeper looked up and welcomed the guest.

- Need a room or some food maybe? she asked him. - Or did you just come to drink?

- The room, J'Ziir said. - How much?

- Ten gold, she replied. - That includes a warm bath, clean sheet and a good night's sleep. And don't mind Mikael, he will stop singing when his voice gets too hoarse.

- Deal, he said and counted the coins. He was mildly surprised by her attitude. She was friendly and treated him like any other quest in the inn.

- Your room is upstairs, she swiped the gold in her hand and tucked them under the counter. - I'll bring you some warm water.

- Bring some food as well, he placed a few more coins on the counter.

She smiled and nodded. He turned, looked around for a moment and then headed upstairs. His arm was now aching and throbbing. He could barely move his hand without grimacing and he realized his fingers were starting to feel numb. The room was clean and simple, it had a big bed and a small inner balcony. He sat down on the bed and tried to move his fingers. His thump was moving fine but the index finger and the middle finger were stiff and rigid. When he moved his little finger, hot flames of pain shot up his arm and shoulder. He grit his teeth, closed his eyes and waited for the pain to pass. _You have been though much more than this_, he told himself. _And you have always survived. _

Someone knocked lightly on the door and when the innkeeper came in with a tray filled with food and drink, his face remained motionless. She clapped her hands and two men carried in a large bathtub and poured many buckets of warm water in it. They left one bucket of cold water beside it, in case the water was too hot.

- That looks painful, the innkeeper said while she organized the food on the small table. - I could call the priestess from the Temple of Kynareth. They are able to help you.

- No need, he huffed. - I'll be fine.

- Alright, she nodded. - Just call me when you're done and I'll tell the men to come and take out the bathtub.

He nodded and a moment later he was alone in the room once more. He looked at the steaming bathtub and wondered when was the last time he'd had a bath. Long before Helgen, that's for sure. He started to remove his armor but the pain in his arm caused him to moan. The small, red vial rolled down to the floor from his pocket.

He picked it up and thought what the girl had said. "_It will ease the pain and help the wound heal faster._" Why had she given it to him? He unscrewed the cork and smelled the liquid inside. The scent was amiable and kind of flowery. He didn't recognize the flower but his nose didn't pick up any unfamiliar odors either. Fine, he thought. Let's see does it help at all. He poured the potion in his mouth, swallowed it and waited for the effect.

Almost immediately he could feel a strong, warm feeling that surround his arm. The pain subsided and as he watched, the skin around the wound began to heal and mend itself. The lacerations closed down, the blood vessels stitched together and in mere moments the only visible thing left was a large, pale scar. He moved his arm and his fingers but could only feel a slight discomfort in his shoulder now. That's some powerful stuff you have there, little kitty, he thought as he removed his cuirass and his pants.

He sighed deeply as the warm water surrounded his body. His closed his eyes and immediately, the memories rushed back. He didn't need to call them or dig for them, they were always there, in the back of his head. All he needed to do, was open the door. The Khajiit girl in the Dragonsreach reminded him of Zahraji. She had the same deep, blue eyes. As soon as he remembered her, he remembered his purpose. The reason he had come to this wretched land.

His anger crew and his hate towards this land and its people momentarily clouded his mind. He had been so close, so close to his goal. But both times, something had gone wrong. The first time, the Imperials got involved and the second time, it was the Imperials again - and a damn dragon. But if it wasn't for the dragon, he would have died long before the man he wanted to kill.

He'd had his chance in the midst of the chaos, when _his_ bodyguard had dragged him to nearest keep. His hands were still tied, and he had calculated that the odds were against him. He wouldn't have time to rip the man's throat open and be sure that he was dead. It would take more than claws to finish him off. So, he was ready to wait.

Wait for the perfect moment. If they would allow him to join and he would gain their trust...well, then it should be easy to just cut his throat and be done with it. He wouldn't let eagerness, optimism or impatience mess up his plans. Not this time. He had made the wrong decisions last time and the Imperials had caught him and almost chopped his head off.

Windhelm was far away from Whiterun. He needed some money, new armor and better weapons. He had not forgotten what Farengar had proposed to him earlier in the evening, his memory didn't allow him to forget things.

_Fine_, he thought. He would get the stone tablet to the wizard. And if it really was as important as he made it sound, he would be willing to pay a fair amount of gold for it.


	8. Chapter 8: The note

**8. The note**

Incredibly, Sura was having a free day. She didn't have anything to do. Farengar didn't need her help and Eorlund wasn't at the Skyforge that day. Most of the Companions were also gone from Jorrvaskr, Sura only saw Vignar as she crossed the Wind District. She heard that Lydia was at the guard barracks, near the front gates. It seemed that Commander Caius was once again trying to get her to join the Whiterun guards. Lydia had trained with them and Commander Caius had personally trained her for the past few years, whenever he had the time. He saw potential in her.

She passed the Market and headed towards the guards barrack. She stopped to greet the guard who was on duty that day and he told her that Lydia wasn't at the barracks after all. She and her father had gone to Riverwood to meet Hadvar. They were naturally worried about him, since he had been at Helgen and survived. Sura imagined that Hrongar was more than interested to hear his side of the story and maybe get little more information about the male Khajiit, _J'Ziir_, that Hadvar had rescued.

Sura walked on, she didn't go back to the Market but instead climbed the stairs to the Wind District that were carved in stone next to the Drunken Huntsman. She greeted Carlotta's daughter, Mila, who was hurrying to play with Lars. Sura smiled and remembered clearly that she had played tag only with Lydia when they were children.

She turned to move on and was suddenly standing face to face with the other one of her suitors, Idolaf Battle-Born. He was - like always - wearing his Imperial armor, bracers, boots and his sword. He was muscular and strong, he had blond hair and beard and his eyes were inquisitive, but kind.

- Hello, he greeted. - It's been some time since I saw you last. You are a hard woman to find.

- I haven't been hiding, she replied. - If you wanted to see me, you knew where to find me.

- True, but I don't come to the Skyforge, he said and his voice grew a little colder.

- Well, I'm not always there, Sura stated. - Like today. So, if you have something to say, why don't you say it now.

- Now? he suddenly seemed almost embarrassed. - Here, on the street?

- Does it make a difference where we talk? she asked, because she knew exactly what he wanted to know and to talk about.

- Alright then, he agreed. - I'm sure the Jarl has already conveyed my intentions to you. He told me to speak to you about it. I can assure you that if you are willing to marry me, I can provide you a good life. You will never have the need for anything and I will always keep you safe.

_Not a word about love or affection_, Sura thought sadly. But of course, people in Skyrim rarely considered love when they looked for an appropriate mate.

- Why do you wish to marry me? she asked him finally.

- Why? Idolaf repeated confused and Sura saw that if he had any love towards her, it would have been his obvious answer. "_Because I love you"_. That's what he should have said. Then, she might have even considered his proposal. But to enter a loveless marriage for politics, that didn't make sense to her.

- Why not? Idolaf uttered. - You are a beautiful woman. And the Jarl favors you.

Was that really it? she thought. The Jarl favors me? That's the only reason you want to marry me? She breathed deeply and was ready to give him an answer, but before she could open his mouth, he lowered his hand on her shoulder.

- You don't have to answer immediately, he spoke silently. - I understand, women always consider these things, the benefits and the possible losses. But if you think about it carefully, I'm sure you'll see in the end that by marrying into my family, you'll get more good things than you lose.

He patted her shoulder, smiled and walked on. Sura looked after him for a while, until he disappeared between the houses and down the stairs. There was nothing passionate about him, at least when it came to his feelings towards her. He had patted her shoulder like she was his friend, his brother - not the woman he would like to make his own.

Sura looked at the house, where the Battle-Borns lived. It was big and luxurious but it looked nothing like a home. It was kind of scary and intimidating, like all their wealth and money. She would have settled for a small cottage and a poorer lifestyle if it was with someone she truly cherished and loved.

She walked on and hoped that she wouldn't meet the other one of her suitors too, but Belethor was busy man and he never closed his shop during the day. She had intentionally avoided his presence in the last few days. She didn't want to hear what his reasons were for wanting to marry her.

She stopped and sat down on a bench, under the withering Gildergreen. The tree never had any leaves and its empty, white branches made her even more sad. She looked towards Jorrvaskr. Eorlund wasn't at the forge, but did it mean that she should stay clear of it as well.

She was pleased that she had now a purpose, something to do, this day would have been endless if she would have to just sit around and walk back and forth in the city. She stood up and climbed the stairs to Jorrvaskr. She was heading towards the forge and when a busy looking man ran to her and handed her a note.

- Here, the courier said. - This is for the Companions.

- But, I'm not...

- This is Jorrvaskr, right? he asked and when she nodded, he was content. - The right place then. Sorry, I'm really busy. I need to be in Markarth tomorrow morning and it's already late afternoon. Got to go.

He ran down the stairs and was out of sight before she could say anything else. The note he had given her was meant for the Companions of Whiterun. She shrugged her shoulders, it would be enough if she took it in and gave it someone. It's not like they didn't like her presence in Jorrvaskr.

When she was younger, she liked to listen to Vignar and the stories of his youth. He was good at telling tales and he almost always spiced them up a little, so there were lots of exaggeration but also real situations, all tied together by his good imagination. Aela had also offered to teach her archery, but to this day, she didn't have the chance to take up on her offer. Today would have been the perfect day, if she had been in Whiterun. She opened the wooden poor and peeked inside the mead hall. It was empty and quiet. The huge tables were filled with food and drink and the massive fire pit was smouldering so it hadn't been that long since someone had been there. She looked around for a moment and finally found Vignar from his room. He was polishing his leather boots and when Sura handed the note to him, he shrugged his shoulder but didn't accept it.

- Don't give it to me, he said. - You know my memory isn't what it used to be. I might just stuck it somewhere and forget it all together.

- But there's no one else here, she said. - And if I leave to the table, it might fall to the floor and the outcome would be the same.

- Vilkas is here, Vignar spat on his boot. – He is downstairs, in his room. Take it to him, he knows what to do.

- There's really no one else here? she asked and suddndly her heart was beating uncomfortably hard. To go down to his room, _his bedroom_...

- Well, there's Tilma, but I can't image giving it to her makes any difference, Vignar grunted. - Go on now. I have things to do.

He practically pushed her out of the room, slammed the door shut and she glanced towards the other side of the hall. Large, wooden stairs led to another area, in the Jorrvaskr living quarters. Fine, she thought. I only need to go there, give it to him and get out. That's all.

Determined, she walked across the mead hall and down the stairs. She had been in the living quarters only couple of times. Once with Aela, when she wanted to show her priceless elven bow, which she kept in a locked display in her room. The other time was with Ria, when she had had a little too much to drink and Sura had escorted her back to Jorrvaskr. Back then Ria had confessed to her, that she had a mild crush on Athis. Sura was almost sure that Ria didn't remember telling her that and Athis still had no idea of her feelings.

The long hallway was as empty as the upstairs mead hall. She knew that Ria, Njada, Torvar and Athis slept in the first rooms but Aela, Skjor, Farkas and Vilkas had their own rooms a little further down the hallway. The last room belonged to the Harbinger, Kodlak Whitemane. His door was never open and she had never been in there.

At the end of the hallway, she stopped for a moment and turned to right. His door was closed and her heart was beating way too fast for her to hear anything else. Silently, she walked to the door, raised her hand and knocked.

- Yes, his voice grunted from inside the room and carefully she opened the door.

It was a simple and convenient room with a bed, a table and some bookshelves. As soon as she entered, he stood up from the bed, where he had been reading a book. He wasn't wearing his armor, he had dark trousers and a white, clean shirt. His hair looked damp, like he had just taken a bath. He looked surprised to see her.

- Sura...he mumbled her name - _softly, gently, quietly _- and she had to clear her throat to get the words out.

- This was given to me by a courier, she handed the note to him. - It is meant for the Companions of Jorrvaskr.

- Let's hear it then, he closed the book and looked at her. - Read it to me.

- Read it? she uttered. - But...I can't read.

He looked at her with disbelief in his face. - That can't be true, he said. - You have lived your whole life in Dragonsreach, among the Jarl's children. And you are also Farengar's apprentice. How can you not read?

- Well, I can't, she said sternly and placed the note on his table. - I have lived in the Dragonsreach, but I am not one of the Jarl's children.

- Everyone should be able to read and write, he commented, grabbed the note and read it. He frowned and she looked at him worried.

- Is something wrong? she asked.

- It seems some bears are causing problems near Ivarstead, they are disturbing the local saw mill owner and many people have been injured, Vilkas explained. - Aela needs to know about this. She usually handles the beast problems.

- But she's not here now, Sura said. - And the people need help. Can't you go yourself?

- Almost all beasts in Skyrim are dangerous and unpredictable, Vilkas frowned. - But bears especially. During the mating season the males are frantic and ferocious. It would be foolish to go alone.

- Well, that's true, Sura nodded. - It would be terrible, if... she paused and cleared her throat. - ...if someone was injured.

He folded the note and placed it on his table. As he turned to look at her again, she was staring at his armor. He had taken it off, cleaned it and oiled it. Now it hanged on a stand which was particularly made for the purpose. She raised her hand and touched the wolf head carefully.

- What does it mean? she looked at him curiously. - What does it symbolize?

- The wolf? he walked to her. - The wolves of Skyrim are like no other animals. They are strong, durable, wise. They live in packs. They take care of each other, they hunt together. They are a family, like the Companions.

Sura looked at him. His voice was warm and passionate and she could have listened to him for hours. His family meant a lot to him, his brothers and sisters, they were all here, under the same roof. He never needed to ask for their love or help, he had earned it just by being here and doing what he did best. He was one of the leaders of the pack and others respected and listened to him.

- It's a good choice, Sura whispered.

- Yes, he nodded. - They are a close family. And they also mate for life.

When he said that, her hand suddenly felt like it was burning. And it wasn't only her hand. Her whole body became incredibly warm and she had to take few steps back.

- Well, that's quite hard to believe, she eventually managed to mutter. - When you look at Farkas...

- True, Vilkas chuckled. - But I think he's an exception. Every pack needs one wild and completely brainless being. So life doesn't get too boring.

They both laughed out loud. Sura found it very easy. She hadn't known that Vilkas had sense of humor, he always seemed to serious and solemn. But she had never seen him without his armor either and this ordinary, accessible man was a stranger to her. A stranger, but an interesting, fascinating stranger. This was a part of him that she wanted to get to know.

He looked at her and enjoyed the sound of her laughter. Unlike the other Khajiits, her voice wasn't husky or rough. It was lighter, clearer. Like everything about her. Light, clear, small, precious. He wished she could remain longer.

- Would you...like to learn to read? he suddenly asked from her.

- You would teach me? Sura looked at him amazed. - Now?

- I have some time now, yes, Vilkas nodded. - Of course I won't expect you to learn in one evening. You can come back when we both have some time.

She smiled to him and nodded. Her blue eyes were sparkling and Vilkas was surprised that she had agreed to his suggestion. He only wanted to keep her beside him for a little longer and teaching was the first thing he had thought about.

- Let's see then, he turned towards his bookshelf. - We should start off with something easy. You should learn the letters first and only then we can start modifying the words and sentences.

- You're the teacher, she said happily and as he glanced over his shoulder, she hid her hands behind her back and only smiled at him. She looked incredibly cute in her blue dress and black shoes. He would have wanted to walk up to her, pull her in his arms and hold her for the rest of his life. Instead he took few books from the shelf, walked to his table and placed them there. He pulled out two chairs and asked her to sit to the other one. He could sense her lavender scent as she sat down. They were so close that their knees touched. She blinked her eyes, pulled her chair a little back and then concentrated on books ahead of her.

He started with the letters, he showed her every one, how they were written and what sound did they make. With every letter he asked her to repeat the sound and presented and example. He wanted her to learn the sound of the letter but also its difference when it was used in a word. He paid attention to the vowels and the consonants and emphasized their dissimilarities. She listened to him intently and had no difficulties remembering the letters. After all, there were only 26 of them. Farengar often needed her to remember many more ingredients and when there were over 50, she started having trouble. But this - this seemed rather easy. And she liked the way he explained everything. When he asked did she remember any of the letters, she named them all without hesitation. He looked at her bewildered.

- Were...were some of them wrong? she asked him.

- No, no, they were all correct, Vilkas said. - I was just wondering how were you able to remember them all so quickly?

- My memory works like that, she explained. - Whatever I see and hear, I can remember it instantly.

- That's amazing, he smiled. - So there is really nothing in your life that you wouldn't remember. Every little detail, you can remember it all.

Momentarily sadness covered her eyes and she pulled back. He wasn't sure what he had said, but it was obviously something that had upset her.

- So, you don't know, Sura looked at him.

- Know what? he asked.

- How do you think I ended up here? she said. - In Whiterun. Can you remember when you first saw me?

- No, I can't, he admitted. - But I'm sure you can remember when you first saw me.

- Yes, she nodded and smiled. - But even I can't remember how I came here.

He remained silent. If she wanted to talk, he would listen. There was no need to ask questions she didn't knew the answer to. He hadn't known and he didn't know her origins, but he had wondered how a lonely Khajiit girl came to live in the Jarl's court, inside the Dragonsreach. But as the years went on and his feelings grew, he no longer questioned her background and accepted her as she was.

- There is something I can remember, she finally said. - It seems like a small thing and I don't even know if it's real or just my imagination. But I remember that I touched something, she raised her hand and her eyes looked somewhere far away. Vilkas didn't pull pack when her hand pressed against his chest. Her hand was small, fingers were slender and her claws were sharp and pointy.

- Touched? he encouraged her to continue.

- Yes, it was...furry and alive, she was somewhere in her own world now. In a place, where he could not follow her. - It was an arm or a leg, something slender, she said and suddenly she saw where she had placed her own hand. Her first instinct was to pull her hand away, but the warmth that his body radiated, engulfed her and she allowed her hand to remain in its place. Vilkas places his own hand on top of hers and she could feel his heart beat against her palm.

Their eyes met and, his grey ones and hers bright blue. She leaned forward, he didn't withdraw. Her eyes were wide open when she kissed him.


	9. Chapter 9: There shall be shadows

**9. There shall be shadows**

His lips were soft and warm against hers. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe that she had actually initiated this. She closed her eyes and opened them again. But he didn't disappear. He held her hand against his heart, which was beating much faster now, and she felt his breath against her mouth. He wasn't violent or fierce nor did he tried to force himself on her. His touch was light as a the butterflies wings. She leaned closer and as the kiss deepened, she uttered out a little cry and extended her neck towards him. His other hand brushed her cheek and then she felt it around her waist as he pulled her closer.

The faint smell of lavender and tundra cottons lingered around him. She had taken him by surprise. At first, when her lips were lightly pressed against his, he had been completely bewildered. But then, he answered to her kiss, gently parted her lips with his own and slip his tongue inside her mouth to taste and to tease. He told himself to take it slow and be gentle and understanding, she clearly had very little if any experience with men. He wanted to be the one who would guide her to road of pleasure, he wanted to teach her more than reading and writing.

When she felt his tongue in her mouth, the pleasure caused shivers down her spine and made her stomach quiver. His hands made her weak and trembling and she knew she wouldn't be able to deny anything from him. If he wanted, he could take her now. After all, wasn't this the one man she had waited most of her life.

He was submerged in her, he only wanted to feel and taste and smell and hear her. But in the back of his mind, he suddenly started hearing other voices. And they were not imaginary ones. He clearly heard his brother and Torvar and Skjor, as they slammed the heavy doors shut upstairs and as they sang about Ragnar the Red. Slowly he pulled away from her and pressed his forehead against hers. He smiled and listened to her passionate breathing, he could feel her heart, it was beating just as fast as his own. Her eyes were searching his.

- It seems that our lessons are over for the night, Vilkas managed to mumble.

- What? Sura had totally forgotten the books, the letters and the reason she was sitting here next to him. - Oh...I guess it's for the best.

- We could have _studied_ little longer, he smiled and emphasized the word "studied". It was even more amusing when she covered her mouth with her hand and giggled like a little girl. He could see she was exited if a little embarrassed. But the most important thing was that she was smiling and laughing.

- But as you can probably hear, Vilkas glances upstairs. - The drunken rabble has arrived. They won't give us any peace.

- It seems so, she giggled. - But I would like to come again. To study, I mean.

- I would like that too, Vilkas nodded and stood up. - Do you want to take the book with you?

- If you let me, Sura said.

- Of course, Vilkas agreed. - If you have nothing else to do, at least you can browse through it.

He opened the door and they stepped in to the hallway. They both wanted to say something to each other, but neither one knew how to start. And when they finally knew what they wanted to say, it was already too late, because Farkas was tumbling downstairs. Skjor and Torvar had remained in the mead hall and were no doubt emptying the ale storages.

- Kitty cat! Farkas slurred when he saw her.

- Hi Farkas, Sura greeted and she had momentarily forgotten - _for once!_ - his speed and spontaneous nature. Even Vilkas was surprised when he strode over, grabbed her in his arms and spun her around the hallway. Farkas was incredibly strong and she felt the air squeeze out of her lungs.

- My true love! he yelled. - My true love is here, guys!

- Put her down, brother, before you get hurt, Vilkas shook his head. - Her claws are quite dangerous.

- I don't see any scratches in your face, so how would you know, Farkas glanced at his brother and refused to let Sura go. - Listen, kitty cat, if my stubborn brother rejects you again and again...you just forget about him and come to me, okay. He doesn't know how to treasure a woman like you. He only buries himself in books, since when books taught you anything about real love!

- Good to know I can trust you, if things don't work out, Sura couldn't help but laugh.

- Oh, definitely, Farkas assured her and out of nowhere, he planted a moist, affectioned kiss on her cheek.

- That's quite enough, Vilkas frowned at his brother. – Put her down.

- Jealous, are we? Farkas smirked but lowered the flabbergasted Khajiit girl to the floor.

- I might be, Vilkas said with a straight face. – And then you would be in real trouble.

- Well, I better go now, Sura straightened her skirt.

- Night, kitty cat, Farkas smiled.

- Night, Sura, Vilkas said and grabbed his brother's arm. - And you...trouble maker...

Sura walked to the wooden door, looked back and saw the brothers laughing and talking and then suddenly, Farkas jumped on his brother and they came crashing down to the floor. After that, all she could hear where muffled cursing and Farkas' laughter. When she walked back to Dragonsreach, she felt like this could be the first night in ages, when she would be able to sleep soundly.

* * *

><p>Few days later Sura was with Farengar in his workroom. He was still doing his dragon research and was wondering was there any way to get some old bones or scales. He didn't know where the burial mounds were and even if he did, he wouldn't dare to go to dig himself. So he was stuck with his studies and that made him irritated.<p>

He did try to keep his mind on other things, like some of the new potions he had been developing. So he sent Sura around the city to collect his ingredients and when she returned, he sat her down before the table and started to explain what he wanted to accomplish.

They were so immersed in the recipe which required attention and patience that they both jumped when a heavy stone tablet was thrown to the table beside them. It broke some of the specimen jars and Farengar lifted his angry eyes to the person who had caused such damage. He quickly calmed when he saw the male Khajiit, J'Ziir, standing in the doorway. He was dirty, covered with spider webs and rock dust.

- Here's your stone, J'Ziir stated. - Pay up!

- Is it...really? Farengar gasped. - The Dragonstone?

He walked closer, but before he could even touch it, J'Ziir grabbed the tablet out of his reach.

- You get it when I get my gold, wizard! the Khajiit said.

- I don't have gold, Farengar spread his arms. - You must ask your reward from the Jarl.

- Better take it to him then, J'Ziir turned around. - Where is he?

- Please, just give it to me, Farengar pleaded. - I'll make sure you will get paid.

- How much, exactly? J'Ziir asked. - When you count all the draugrs, the spiders, the bandits, the skeevers...how much do you think this is worth?

- A fair amount, I give you my word, Farengar promised.

- Fine, I'll give it to you, but only because I don't have the energy to carry it around any longer, J'Ziir tossed the tablet back to the table. Then he sneered to the court wizard. - And if the Jarl doesn't pay enough...I'll just "_take_" something from you in return. Now...where is he?

- Farengar! Irileth suddenly ran into the room. She ignored J'Ziir completely and that was something Sura had never seen. Once Irileth considered you a threat, she would never chance her opinion. - You need to come at once! A dragon has been sighted nearby.

A dragon? Sura winced . She remembered the black beast she and Lydia had seen. If the same dragon would attack Whiterun...

- You should come too, Irileth turned towards J'Ziir and the Khajiit shrugged his shoulders.

- I only came to collect my money, he murmured.

- A dragon? Farengar repeated. - Really? That's exiting. Where was it seen? How long ago? What was it doing?

- This is not exiting, Irileth growled. - It's dangerous and devastating when people die. You better take this more seriously. If this dragon attacks us, I don't know what we can do about it.

- It would be interesting to catch it alive, Farengar planned. - This is Dragonsreach, after all. We could...

- Oh, be quiet! Irileth ordered. - The Jarl needs us. Come on!

Irileth hadn't ask her along but Sura stood up and hurried after them. She wanted to know what was happening and was there anything she could do.

Jarl Balgruuf was upstairs questioning one of the guardsman. He looked baffled and still at shock, and he couldn't really tell anything rational at first. He finally managed to explain that he had ran from the western watchtowers, and that was where the dragon had been sighted. Not far from the city.

The Jarl turned to his bodyguard. - Irileth, get some guardsmen and get down there.

- Yes, my Jarl, Irileth bowed. - I already ordered my men to muster near the main gate.

- Excellent, the Jarl nodded. - Send someone to Jorrvaskr as well. The Companions have promised to help.

Then the Jarl turned towards the male Khajiit. - Ah, J'Ziir. Good to see you. I'm afraid I'll have to ask your help...

- I still haven't received my last payment, he snarled. - Like I said, I didn't come here to help.

- I understand, the Jarl nodded. - But you are the only one who has faced a dragon and survived. My men and this city need you. I give you my word, you will be rewarded handsomely.

- Like I said, not interested, J'Ziir turned and was about to leave the reach when Sura stepped in his way.

- Is money all you care about? she asked him. - This land is home to more people than just the Nords. Even Khajiits live here, and they are much more defenseless than others. Don't you wish to protect them?

- Protecting them would be easier if they were allowed inside the city walls, J'Ziir growled and his eyes were flaming. - The Nords only sit around in their fancy halls and preach about their noble ways. I have no obligation nor will to protect these people. What do I owe to them?

- They let me inside, Sura stated. - And not just inside the city walls, but inside their hearts. I consider these people family...

- Good for you then, J'Ziir interrupted her. - But you are even more hypocrite than the rest of these people. You are a Khajiit. And still, here you are. Dressed up in fancy clothes, eating good food, sleeping in a warm bed. Do you have any idea how much your life differs from those who travel across the roads? You are quite safe her, princess.

- Enough! Jarl Balgruuf shouted. - You don't wish to help, then don't help. But don't waste our time either.

- Don't want to, J'Ziir glanced back. - She started it.

He passed by her and was on his way downstairs, but she turned around and ran after him. She caught up with him in the bottom of the stairs.

- If it was your family! Sura yelled at his back and he stopped. - If one of those caravans were part of your family! If it was someone you loved. Your parents, sisters, brothers, maybe your own children. Even then, wouldn't you want to save them?

He's body stiffened, he stand there silently for a moment. Then, he turned, his ears drawn flat against his head, his claws ready to strike her down. Fear flashed through her body but she stood her ground. He hit his other hand on the stone wall, right next to her head, his claws ripping out small, sharp chips. He towered over her even when he was standing one step lower than she.

- If it wasn't for this country and then Nords, I would still have my family, he hissed at her. - If it wasn't for the Nords, they would be safe and happy and alive. You want to defend the Nords - go right ahead. But never again try to convince me by speaking about my family.

She had never been so afraid of anyone. She closed her eyes and heard his footsteps as he finally walked away. She looked at the wall, where he had smashed his hand, there were five deep scratches in the stone and some blood. He had hurt his hand but he hadn't noticed it.

Upstairs the Jarl gave orders around and Farengar was upset that he wasn't allowed to leave the palace. It was the moment he had been waiting for, all his life. Sura swallowed her tears back. What J'Ziir had said was infuriating.

_He was right_.

She was the only Khajiit that was living inside the city walls. Had she ever thought about the others? Had she ever asked the Jarl to let them in? _No_. She had never considered the conditions they lived in. The constant dangers they faced in their travels.

She had only tried to survive her own nightmares.


	10. Chapter 10: The punishment of being me

**10. The punishment of being me**

_"J'Ziir! Leave your sister alone!"_

_"She started it!"_

She started it.

How many times in their childhood had he used that argument. He remembered his mother giving him a stern look but after a while everything had been forgotten and the sunny, warm, lazy days went on.

He didn't notice how the people of Whiterun were hurrying along, parents went after their children, the Market was closed, the guards ordered and herded people to safe areas, men gathered their weapons and prepared to defend their properties. He passed the vegetable stand and heard how the owner was calling out for her daughter. Her voice was frantic and nervous. Beside her was a man, the blond bard from the local inn. He kept telling her she needed to get to safety. She pushed him aside and kept looking around, peeking under the stands and asking the running guards had they seen her daughter.

J'Ziir moved on. It wasn't his problem. He walked on and was almost at the main gate when he heard a low, tearful cry under the bridge. He glanced around, no one else seemed to notice. A shallow stream flowed around Whiterun and just before the main gate there was a small, stone bridge. He took few steps closer and heard the cry again, this time it was clearer. He jumped over the bridge and landed in the water with a splash. He squatted and peeked under the bridge.

The girl looked tired and terrified. She was holding her left leg and her big brown eyes were filled with tears.

- I...I sprained my ankle, she stuttered. - While I was trying to get to mom...

_"I sprained my ankle, J'Ziir! Carry me home!"_

- How did you end up here? he asked her and reached out his hands and picked her up in his arms.

- L...Lars and I were playing hide and seek, she mumbled. - But then people started to run around and I tried to run too but...

- Where's your mom? J'Ziir asked her.

- She works in the Market, the girl said. - I'm Mila. What's your name?

He didn't answer as they walked back at the Market. The woman was still there and now she was nearly fighting with the blond bard, who was constantly trying to pull her out of the plaza.

- Mom! Mila yelled from his arms and as she saw her daughter, she pushed the man away and ran to them. She hugged her daughter and momentarily he was enveloped in her arms as well. He saw how the blond bard was looking at him, rage flashed across his face.

- Thank you so much, the woman looked up at him and he saw tears glistening in her eyes. - May the Gods bless you.

- She sprained her ankle, he said and handed the girl to her mother. - Go home now. It might get dangerous.

- Are you going help to fight the dragon? Mila asked him. - If you are, I'm sure Whiterun will be safe soon. You look very strong.

It was first time in years that a genuine smile rose to his face. He didn't know why, but the little girl and her endless faith in his strength reminded him of Zahraji. When she was little, she had also looked up at him and believed that whatever might happen, he would always protect her.

Mila and her mother hurried of the Market. He walked to the main gate, saw the guards running out and take their positions. He saw a group of specialized warriors, they all had matching amours, a wolf's head decorated the chest plate. A man who led them was strong and determined and ordered his people around with short, steady commands.

J'Ziir walked out of the gate and wondered why the Jarl wanted his help. He had all these men, these skilled warriors and high stone walls. J'Ziir had faced a dragon and lived to tell about it but he hadn't killed it or fought with it. No, he had ran. And that's why he was alive. He couldn't imagine what help could offer them. And why would he want to do that?

You didn't get paid yet, he reminded himself. If you walk out now, there is no turning back. You have to get to Windhelm by foot, without good armor or any decent weapons. He looked at his sword, which he had taken from one of the bandits from Bleak Falls Barrow. It was quite good, a normal steel sword, easy to swing around and light to use. He usually used two war axes, he had perfected his hand-eye coordination and when he was fully armed, fully prepared, he would be able to take on quite a number of enemies. But axes weren't the only weapons he was good at. He liked his bow and arrow. His own ebony bow, which he had used for years. But there was no hope getting that back now, it was taken from him when the Imperials dragged him in Helgen.

New swords. Or better yet - new axes, he thought. And a decent bow, something that felt good and was comfortable to use and to carry. His armor was also torn and worn out, filled with scratches and holes. He had noticed that extremely well in Bleak Falls Barrow when an arrow had almost nailed him against the nearest wall. His shoulder was still a little sore from the hit. So - new armor as well. In the back of his head there was still one thing nagging that he wanted to deny. The Khajiit girl. She had given him the healing potion. He hadn't thanked her for it, but he had used it. And because of it, the massive wound in his arm was now completely healed.

_I always pay my debts_.

But killing a dragon - or help to kill it - sounded a little too much for a small bottle of potion. Fine! he shook his head and looked towards the Western Watchtowers. No movement there so far. Let's kill the dragon then. But the price better be much, much bigger than I originally bargained for.

The city grew quiet. Everyone was on the edge. Sura, Lydia, her father and the Jarl were standing on the high stone wall that surrounded the city. Some of the Jarl's guards had asked him to stay in the reach but he was determined to defend the city himself, if need be. Only incompetent leaders ordered their men from throne rooms. They saw the watchtowers - something was burning there - saw the men around them like little, black ants but there was no sign of the dragon yet.

And then suddenly - a roar. A huge, winged lizard swoop down from the clouds, opened its mouth and started spewing fire upon the fighting men. They were trying to bring it down with arrows, but it didn't land. It circled around and came back for another attack.

- By the Gods, Lydia whispered. - They are getting slaughtered down there.

The dragon swooped around, grabbed few men in its massive talons, raised them high in the air and then finally dropped the men back to ground. There were only few guards moving now, taking cover and shooting arrows and the winged beast. It was hard to see what was happening exactly. But Sura thought that she still could make out Irileth. She was gathering the few men she still had and preparing for another attack.

Reinforcements were sent from the city. The Companions rushed out to battle. Sura frowned and worry clouded her heart and her mind. She wasn't worried about her own safety, but for his. For theirs. The dragon seemed almost impossible to beat down. It was massive, its scales were hard as rock, it's talons were huge and sharp and its tail powerful and strong. Suddenly, in the corner of her eye, she saw movement. There was someone else running towards the towers. He didn't seem to be in a hurry, he was almost jogging. She recognized him, it was the male Khajiit, J'Ziir.

- So, he decided to help, the Jarl smiled. - Maybe he is not so callous after all.

- What can he do? Sura asked. - You saw what happened to the other men. What could he possibly do by himself?

J'Ziir wasn't in a hurry. He saw the dragon, saw what happened to the others and decided to save his energy. He only had his sword - not the best possible weapon and not the best possible situation. He saw how a group warriors rode out from Whiterun, their leader was the man who's grey eyes burned dangerously and who wore the wolf armor. For a moment he considered turning around. They could probably handle the dragon themselves. No need for him to risk his life.

A massive shadow flew over him, he felt the air draft of the enormous animal as it glided over him. He realized that the others were still quite far away and the dragon was circling him now. He stopped running and looked up. No need to waste energy, no need to run after it, he told himself. Let it come to you.

The dragon was coming behind him, it swooped around and as it came down, it opened its big mouth and a destructive flame shower rained toward him. He anticipated it, rolled aside at the last moment, pulled out his sword and felt the fire that was burning everything in its path. The heat wave fried parts of his fur and the tip of his tale.

- Well played, dragon, he smiled sarcastically, suppressed few smaller flames that were simmering in his fur and kept his eyes on the flying beast. He tested out his arm, swung the sword around couple of times. - Come here, he whispered and it was like the monster had heard his words. It dropped down from the sky right in front of him. The earth shook under his feet, rocks and dust flew around and he could smell its putrid breath. But still he couldn't stop smiling.

- Let's dance, big boy, he smiled, raised his sword and charged forward.

Up on the stone wall, all they could do was watch the heated one-on-one battle down in the ground. Irileth was ready to order his men forward but for some reason, she didn't raise her hand in command. The Companions had also stopped some distance away, and in her heart Sura was silently grateful that they weren't in immediate danger. It seemed like they were also hypnotized of what was happening in front of them.

The male Khajiit was incredibly quick and agile. He didn't waste any time as he charged forward. He evaded the monsters sharp teeth and jaws and plunged his sword first in the softer, more vulnerable skin under its head and only a moment later, he slashed out its other eye. The dragon roared out in pain, spread its wings and was about to take off, but the quick Khajiit climbed in its back and struck his sword deep into the flesh of its back. He used his body weight to slide down its side and the sword carved out a gaping wound in the hide. His movements were fluent and Sura guessed that he had not practiced them in a training yard. He had mastered his body and his muscles. This man had experienced these kind of situations before and he knew exactly what he was doing.

The dragon was resilient. It swung its powerful tale, it hit the Khajiit and send him flying back first to the cold, hard ground. Miraculously he was able to hold on to his sword and as he slid against the ground, he reached out his other hand and used his claws to slow down and get back up. His bulging muscles made it look easy and before the slide was over, he was back on his feet.

- Is he still alive? Lydia had covered her eyes with her hands. - How is that possible?

- He survived Helgen, the Jarl said. - Now we know how.

The Khajiit and the dragon were measuring each other. This time he didn't charge, he waited. He remained perfectly silent in his place, he knew the dragon couldn't see with its other eye. And because of the deep wound, it wasn't able to lift off the ground either. But neither one of those wounds stopped it from bursting out fiery flames around. It extended its neck, breathed out fire in semicircle and the wall of flames now separated the Khajiit and the dragon. But because of the fire, because of the blinding smoke and the roaring flames, the huge animal wasn't able to see or hear its quick but dangerous enemy.

He jumped through the fire right in front of it. He didn't notice his fur was on fire in many places and his armor was almost in tatters. The dragon opened its jaws but its prey was too fast and too smart. As soon as he hit the ground, he rolled down, dodged the huge talons and plunged his sword into the dragons neck and underbelly. He pressed against the sword, felt how the soft flesh gave away and as the dragon tried to move forward, its neck and stomach were sliced open. It roared loudly and J'Ziir felt it was about to crash over him.

He rolled away from it and with a loud thud the dragon collapsed to the ground. Only now he felt the pain in his body, the burns, the scratches, the wounds. He was covered in its blood, it clung to his fur like a thick, sticky layer and gave him a fearful and grotesque look. Its tale had swiped him quite badly and he moaned as he took few steps away from the animal. He glanced back, the dragon was now dead, the huge pool of blood spread around it and was absorbed in to the ground.

Besides the flames and the wind, everything was completely quiet around him. He saw people, the Jarl's irritating Dunmer bodyguard, the warrior group on their horses. He wondered why hadn't they bothered to help. It would have been so much easier if there was someone... but there never was.

_There never is_.

He turned away from them and suddenly a blinding light pierced his eyes and his brain. He fell to his knees, it was almost too painful. His body trembled and a strong power rushed through his muscles and bones, an incredible force that made him almost throw up. He dug his claws to the ground and for the first time in years, he cried out in pure pain.

And then it was over. As quickly as it had began. He opened his eyes and for a moment, he only saw darkness. _The dragon was still alive!_ he thought to himself. _You fool! You shouldn't have turned your back to it. You never, ever turn your back to your enemies until you are sure they are dead. _

- Are you alright? a woman called out to him.

Slowly, he started to distinguish her features. Long, red hair, gleaming yellow eyes and green war paint spread across her face. She helped him up and as he shook his head, they were all watching him, some with interested, others with fear.

He didn't really understand their staring and pretty soon it started to annoy him. He pushed the woman aside and turned back to the dragon. He at least wanted to get his sword back.

Irileth and her men had run to the dragon, which was now only a skeleton. He stepped closer, touched the bare bones and couldn't really understand what had happened.

- What did you do? Irileth approached him.

- I killed it, J'Ziir shrugged his shoulders. - It seemed to me that you weren't that interested to handle it, were you?

- But you did something else, Irileth ignored his sarcastic words. - You absorbed something from it.

- Like what? J'Ziir looked at her and now he was sure that she was the one who was delusional. - It's memories, maybe? It's plans for future? Some cooking recipes? Maybe I have to seek out its mate and deliver the sad news.

- You are the Dragonborn, one of the soldiers blurted out when he got over his shock.

- The...what? he looked at the man who took few steps back as their eyes met.

- The Dragonborn, he repeated. - In the oldest tales, back from there still were dragons in Skyrim, the Dragonborn would slay dragons and steal their power. I mean...that's what you did, isn't it? Absorbed it's power?

- I doubt it, he sneered. - And I couldn't care less about your legends.

- Try shouting, he encouraged. - That's the only way you know.

- I don't have energy to shout, he stated, picked his sword and headed towards the city.

- But...according to the legends, only the Dragonborn can Shout without training, the soldier pestered him. - You know, like the dragons do.

- Want me to try it on you? J'Ziir snapped and the soldier stepped back. He seethed his sword and continued his way towards Whiterun. Irileth ran after him and grabbed his arm.

- The Jarl needs to know what happened here, she said. - You need to go and explain things to him.

- I don't like being told what to do, he yanked his hand away. - But I believe he already knows. He and his court ladies had front row seats to this little drama. I think he had quite spectacular view from the shelter of his stone walls.


	11. Chapter 11: The reluctant hero

**11. The reluctant hero**

- What just happened? Lydia mumbled. - What did he do?

- He...he killed the dragon, Hrongar said. - By himself. And then...

- He's the Dragonborn, Jarl Balgruuf stated. - The legend of Skyrim, the slayer of dragons.

- The Dragonborn? Hrongar exclaimed. - But he is a Khajiit. How can he be the legend of the Nords?

The Jarl and his brother walked back to the reach, still talking, still debating. Sura and Lydia stood on the stone walls and they were both quiet. They remembered the dragon they had seen in the mountains. The dragon, that now lay dead in the plains of Whiterun, wasn't as menacing and big, but it wasn't small and puny either. And one man, one Khajiit, had killed it.

They saw him walk back towards the city. Sura could see that he was incredibly tired and exhausted. She felt sorry for him for the first time and remembered what he had said about his family. If his family was dead, that explained his anger. But it was his anger that had given him the extraordinary strength he used to slay the dragon.

He was almost at the main gates, when the world suddenly shook around them. A loud thunder like sound rolled down the mountains, over the plains, the rivers, the fields. It only lasted for a moment, but it was powerful enough to be heard all over Skyrim.

Sura and Lydia glanced at each other.

- Could it be...? Sura said.

- The Greybeards, Lydia muttered. - Are they calling for him?

- Let's go, Sura grabbed her hand. - I'm sure the Jarl knows.

They hurried to the Dragonsreach, the Jarl was already waiting. Hrongar walked back and forth in front of the wooden doors and when they finally opened and the bruised and pattered hero stepped inside, he took a step closer and handed something to him. Sura didn't hear what he said, but it seemed to be something important, she could see it from their faces. Hrongar turned and walked back to the Jarl. For a moment, J'Ziir stood at the door, he had something in his palm. He sighed, put whatever it was in his pocket and walked forward.

- The dragon is dead, as I'm sure you know, he said to the Jarl. - So, hand over the money so we can get this over with.

- Yes, I know, the Jarl nodded. - This city owes more and more to you. But before I reward you, there is another thing I must speak with you.

J'Ziir frowned. He should have known there was something else. If he wasn't so tired, he might have had the energy to argue with the Jarl, demand his price and leave. He didn't need any more missions, any more monsters to kill. He was lucky he had survived two dragons.

- We all heard the summons, the Jarl looked at him. - What else could it mean? The Greybeards...you heard it too, didn't you?

- Stop speaking in riddles, J'Ziir said. - I don't have a clue what you are talking about.

- But you must have heard it, Lydia blurted out and the male Khajiit glared at her. She blushed and lowered her gaze. - The sound that traveled like a thunder. They called out for you, she mumbled.

- Me? J'Ziir pointed himself and sneered sarcastically. He seemed very amused by the idea.

- You are the Dragonborn! Hrongar exclaimed.

- This again, the Khajiit yawned. - Look, all I want is my money. And then be on my way. Is that so hard to understand?

- I understand you, the Jarl nodded. - But allow me to explain. The Greybeards are Masters of the Way of the Voice. They live in seclusion high up in the on the slopes of the Throat of the World. The Dragonborn is said to be uniquely gifted in the Voice. The ability to focus your vital essence into a Thu'um, a Shout.

- Your folklore doesn't interest me...

- If you really are Dragonborn, they can teach you how to use your gift, the Jarl continued. - They Greybeards summoning the Dragonborn, this hasn't happened in centuries.

- So, what do you expect me to do? J'Ziir asked calmly but his voice was deceiving. Anger bubbled under his peaceful exterior and the more the Jarl explained, the more irritated he seemed.

- It would be wise to answer their call, the Jarl advised. - What ever happened when you killed that dragon, it revealed something in you and the Greybeards heard it.

- How ironic, isn't it? J'Ziir mocked. - Your precious Nord legend turns out to be a lowly Khajiit. A Khajiit who has no interest in your land or its problems.

- And yet, you killed the dragon, the Jarl smiled and he didn't seemed to be hurt by his words. - Even when you said you wouldn't.

- I only did it for gold, J'Ziir snapped.

- Of course you did, the Jarl still smiled. - And you have indeed earned your reward. But I still encourage you to go to High Hrotgar. You should not ignore their wishes. It is a tremendous honor.

- Just pay me, J'Ziir said and now his began to sound frustrated.

- You've done a great service to me and my city, Dragonborn, The Jarl stood up from his chair. The word "_Dragonborn_" irritated the Khajiit even more than the word "_friend_". - By my right as Jarl, I name you Thane of Whiterun. It is the greatest honor that's within my power to grant.

Everyone in the hall was amazed by this decision. Whiterun didn't have any Thanes and J'Ziir the Khajiit, the Dragonborn, was the first one. Hrongar looked at his older brother. If it was up to him, just some gold would have been sufficient. There was no need to give out any titles since this man didn't seem to want anything but money. But what his brother said next, outraged him even more.

- I assign you Lydia as a personal housecarl, and I give you this weapon from my armory to serve you as your badge of office, the Jarl handed him a massive battleaxe.

Sura looked over at her friend who was standing on other side of the room. Lydia looked shocked. She had clearly not expected this. She looked at the angry male Khajiit, who was not just taller than she but also much, much stronger. And it seemed, her Thane was just not angry but threatening as well.

- I don't need your titles, J'Ziir snarled. - I take the axe and the money, but keep your fancy names. And I certainly don't need a nuisance like her following me around.

- Yes, brother, Hrongar nodded eagerly. - How can you make such a rash decision? Think about this.

- I have made my decision, the Jarl said and turned to Lydia. - He is your Thane now. You do whatever he tells you to and you serve him the best you can. Your job is to protect him and all he owns with your life.

- Yes, my Jarl, Lydia stuttered, walked next to the Khajiit, bowed and mumbled. - My Thane, I am your sword and your shield.

J'Ziir didn't look at her, he stared at the Jarl. Then he turned around and without a word he stormed out the longhouse. Lydia hesitated for a moment, grabbed her gear and ran after him. Hrongar tried to say something to his daughter, maybe forbid her for following him, but she was out of the door in few seconds.

- Why did you do that? he turned to his brother. - How can you order Lydia as his housecarl? You know she is going to marry Hadvar in few months and...

- This will be good for her, the Jarl said and stood up.

- Good for her? Hrongar couldn't believe what his brother was saying. - That man, that Khajiit has no love for the Nords. He is going to torment her and in the worst case, get her killed!

- Is she that incompetent? Jarl Balgruuf asked from his brother. - She gains experience from this and gets to serve the Dragonborn. I believe her marriage can wait.

He made very clear that the conversation was over and exited the room. Sura could clearly see Hrongar's frustration, but she wondered was there something else behind the Jarl's sudden decision. Sura knew that Lydia would welcome this duty, she would rather serve the hateful Khajiit - the Dragonborn - than settle for a boring life in Solitude. But still she worried for her friend. Could those two really get along?

* * *

><p>Lydia didn't waste time as she ran after her new Thane. She hadn't expected this, but the Jarl's decision didn't worry her too much. After all, this was the Dragonborn. The greatest man - a legend - that roamed the lands of Skyrim ever since Tiber Septim himself. Even Ulfric Stormcloack, who claimed to be the next High King of Skyrim, wasn't above this man. Her Thane was already in the bottom of the long stone stairs and she had to speed up to catch up with him.<p>

- My Thane! she yelled. - My Thane!

She was coming down at high speed and when he suddenly stopped and turned around, she almost pumped right into him. In the last possible moment, she pulled her shield in front of her and somehow avoided a collision.

- Don't call me that! J'Ziir grit his teeth. - And go back where you came from. I have no need for you.

- I'm sworn to your service, Lydia repeated. - I'm your swords and your...

- I heard that already, J'Ziir interrupted him. - So, you are nothing but a slave?

- A slave? Lydia was shocked. - No, I'm your housecarl!

- You are sworn to my service, the Khajiit growled. His hands were crossed and his eyes were criticizing. - I don't need to pay you, you follow me around, you do what I tell you. And you, he leaned a little closer. - _Satisfy_ my every need, isn't that right?

She took a step back and blushed. Being a housecarl didn't include...physical contact. And personal relations were banned during her service time. All she needed to do, was concentrate on her Thane. But what if her Thane demanded this ...intimacy from her? Could she then refuse?

- Tell me, J'Ziir sneered. - How is that any different from a being my slave?

She didn't reply, he sighed and rolled his eyes. - So, you can't answer? Because there is no difference, is there?

- I'm your...housecarl, she mumbled. - A slave...doesn't wish to protect her owner. But a housecarl does. A slave wants freedom, a housecarl only wishes to serve.

- Owner? J'Ziir repeated her words and she heard disgust in his voice. - Now I'm your owner?

- I..didn't mean it like that, Lydia stumbled.

- Aren't you ashamed? J'Ziir asked. - To serve me?

- What do you mean, my Thane? she raised her eyes. - Of course not! You are the Dragonborn! Not everyone has the chance to serve the Dragonborn...

- Stop doing that! he shouted. - Using that name...

- What should I call you then, my Thane? she inquired. - If I can't call you a Thane, then Dragonb...

- I don't care about that crap, he waved his hand. - Your legends, your heroes. Keep them to yourself. But you are a Nord woman and serving a mere Khajiit must get your blood boiling.

- Why would it? Lydia asked. - I don't hate the Khajiits. My best friend is a Khajiit. She is one the best people I know. And now that the Dragonb...I mean...my Tha...you are also a Khajiit, I think it's an honor.

- An honor? J'Ziir said. - You think dying for someone else is honorable? Don't you have any self-respect? Don't you want to live your own life?

- This is my life now, Lydia answered. - To serve and to protect you.

He looked at her suspiciously and took a few steps back. He pulled out his sword and threw it aside. He also took of his tattered armor, what was left of it. He stood there in front of her only wearing his loin cloth. Lydia blushed even more and moved her eyes away.

- You wish to protect me? he questioned her. - Then attack me!

- What? Lydia stuttered. - But...you are...unarmed, my Thane! And without an armor! I could seriously injure you.

- Are you disobeying my word? he asked and looked at her indifferently. - Didn't you just say yourself that you were sworn to my service? _To do whatever I tell you!  
><em>

- It's not my duty to hurt you! she tried to reason with him.

- Attack me! he ordered again. - If you don't, I might just attack you myself. If your Thane attacks you, do you defend yourself or let him kill you? Is dying in his hands part of your duty?

She gripped her sword and charged at him. For a moment, she remembered the bandit who's head she cut off. She only hoped this battle wouldn't end the same way. To kill the Dragonborn...

He was quick and dodged her sword easily. For a moment they danced around the Wind District, she waved her sword around and he evaded or blocked her every try. They didn't notice that people started to gather around. Heimskr had shut his mouth long ago, the guards stopped their patrolling and the people just stared at their deadly dance.

She was getting tired, her breath quickened and her heart started to bound against her armor. Now she tried to her best, she wasn't even thinking of taking it easy, all she wanted was to get one clear hit at him. Just to prove her own skills. But he was too fast and he tempted her, laughed at her and mocked her.

Using her last strength, she charged ahead and the tip of her sword brushed his long ears as he crouched. She didn't see him coming from her right side, but she realized he squeezed the sword out of her hand and her wrist was hurting when he forced her to the ground. She dropped her shield and felt his sharp claws against her skin.

- So, he hissed to her. - This is the kind of protection you are offering. If there had been more enemies, I would have died long ago while you just swung your sword around not getting even one clear strike. How many people have you killed? Or were they all just training dollies?

- Th...three, my Thane, Lydia sniffed. - I have killed three people.

- Crawl back where you came from, he released her hand and stood up. - I have enough problems without you.

He picked up his sword and tattered armor, felt the weariness in his body, pushed the people aside and walked down the stone stairs. Lydia jumped to her feet, grabbed her sword and shield and looked around.

- Thane, she yelled but her voice was weak and fearful. - I'm your...sword and...your...shield...

* * *

><p>He walked to the Bannered Mare and was about the rent the same room he had before. As he took out his coin purse, the owner smiled and shook her head.<p>

- No need to pay, she said. - You saved our city. Every time you wish to stay here, its free from now on. Boys! she yelled. - Get some water upstairs!

J'Ziir was a little confused - the word "_free_" didn't belong in his vocabulary. But he didn't wish to argue either, he was way too tired for that. He followed the men as they carried the bathtub upstairs and filled it with water. The owner brought some food, smiled and left.

He tossed his broken armor the bed and saw the orange leather pouch in one of the pockets. He had almost forgotten that. He reached out, opened the pouch and poured its contents in his palm. The golden pendant gleamed in his hand.

He took of his loin cloth, sat down in the warm water and leaned his head against his hand. The necklace was inside his fist and again he felt utter relief that it was returned to him.

The Jarl's brother had given the pouch to him and explained that Hadvar had sent it to him. He was on his way to Solitude. They might never see each other again. But the necklace seemed to be important and the Imperial soldier only felt it was right to give it back to him.

He remembered when it was taken from him. While he was unconscious in the wagon, among the other prisoners. His clothes, his weapons, his jewelry. They were all stripped from him.

He slipped the necklace over his head and as soon as the crescent moon touched his skin, the pain from his body was erased and peace surrounded him. At that moment, even his anger and hate momentarily subsided. He could almost hear his father's voice as he was singing and his mother and sister laughing together.

But the bad memories always followed the happy moments. And as he lived through that sunny autumn day again and again, the peace disappeared and the hatred once again took over. He opened his eyes and looked at the war axe that was leaning against the bed frame. Would that be enough? he thought. One clean hit and the man's head would roll on the floor. And what would happen after that...well, that just didn't matter anymore.


	12. Chapter 12: The shadow of a little girl

**12. The shadow of a little girl**

In the next days, Sura didn't see Lydia very often. And when they did meet, Lydia was always in a hurry. Most of the time she was searching for her Thane. Somehow J'Ziir had managed to lose her again. But she was quite tenacious and despite his efforts to avoid her, she somehow always found him again.

Hrongar was still angry by the Jarl's decision and he used every change he got trying to get his brother to change his mind. Hrongar also tried to question his daughter and find out what she thought about her new position as a housecarl. Lydia remained silent, she never said anything about her Thane or the way the Khajiit treated her.

So Hrongar was unarmed. But he kept his eyes on his daughter and on the new Thane. And he wasn't the only one.

Irileth was also very annoyed by the Jarl's decision. She seemed to think that Whiterun didn't need another troublesome Khajiit. Sura wondered when had she actually caused any troubles in Whiterun, she always tried to do what she was told and she never wanted to cause problems. But the situation seemed to bother the housecarl and whenever she saw J'Ziir - he rarely came to Dragonsreach - she was always on her toes.

Sura remembered that J'Ziir was planning to go to Windhelm. But day after day he remained in Whiterun. Lydia slept in the guards barracks, she had her own bed there while J'Ziir remained in Bannered Mare. Sura had heard that Hulda didn't ask any money from him, since he was the "_savior of the city_".

And after a while life in Whiterun normalized and J'Ziir was suddenly considered a permanent resident in the city. No one wondered why he was in Whiterun, people knew who he was and many were thankful to him. One particular person was Carlotta's daughter, Mila. She seemed ecstatic whenever he was at the Market. And in her company, his grumpy exterior temporarily faded away. He joked with her, he laughed with her and sometimes - very rarely - he played hide and seek with her. He always knew where she was, his hearing and eyesight were superior compared to the Nords. But he always pretended he didn't knew where she was. And ultimately, she ran out from her hiding place giggling and snickering.

It was one of those days when Sura and Lydia briefly met in the Market. J'Ziir was playing around with Mila and Lydia joined Sura as she came down from the Wind District.

Sura actually had some free time and she was on her way to Jorrvaskr but decided to stop by in the Market. She had met Tilma in the Wind District and the old woman was on her way to get some vegetables from Carlotta. Sura assured her that she would get what they needed, she was on her way to the Market and it was no problem to drop the supplies to Jorrvaskr on her way back. She also wanted to return the book she had borrowed from Vilkas. She had studied quite hard, she didn't wish to disappoint him and her excellent memory had not let her down. When she actually started to write down words, Farengar had helped her but soon enough he noticed that his advice was not necessary. So, she could write a little now. Not much, but she was willing to learn more.

Lydia waved her hand when she saw her. Sura stopped by at Carlotta's stand, gave her the list that Tilma had written and smiled to Lydia. Then they both looked at Mila and J'Ziir.

- He looks like a different person, Sura said. - How can he be so patient with Mila and be so intolerable with others?

- I believe that something bad has happened to him, Lydia looked at her. - In his past. Something he cannot forget or forgive. Maybe he's lost someone important.

Sura nodded. She did remember his reaction when she had mentioned his possible family. " _If it wasn't for the Nords, they would be safe and happy and alive!_" So, clearly he had lost his family. His wife and his children, maybe.

- So, how are you doing? Sura asked Lydia. - Has it been difficult?

- Don't ask, Lydia shook her head. - He is impossible. And he has this weird image in his head that I hate and loathe him. That he is somehow below me. Sometimes he just spits out angry words at me. But so far...I have been able to ignore them. When you hear it a lot, it sort of loses its meaning.

- How come he is still in Whiterun? Sura wondered and thanked Carlotta when she handed her the groceries. She paid her from the money Tilma had given her. - Wasn't he heading to Windhelm? Or to High Hrothgar to meet the Greybeards?

- He doesn't really care about being the Dragonborn, Lydia sighed. - I keep telling him that we should go, the Greybeards are important people. But he ignores me completely. He says, he is not interested to play the part of a big hero. And he doesn't care for the people of Skyrim.

- Well, there is one person he seems to care about, Sura smiled when she heard Mila's laughter.

- I'm glad that he is the Thane of our city, Carlotta said and looked at her daughter and the Khajiit. - He even convinced Mikael to leave me alone. He is extremely scary when he wants to be. Let me tell you - if he was interested in me, I might consider it.

- What? Sura was amazed. - You'd be actually willing to marry him?

- To be the wife of the Dragonborn, Carlotta laughed. - What's the downside?

Sura looked J'Ziir and noticed that when he wasn't angry or hateful or moody, he actually looked a lot more amiable. And now that he was also clean, his black fur was thick and shiny. The man she had seen arrive some time ago in Whiterun, wasn't the same man that she saw here today.

- What about you, Lydia? Carlotta asked. - You are his housecarl. Don't you feel tempted to try?

- Like you just said, I'm his housecarl, Lydia rolled her eyes. - And he hates me. So, there's no need to even go there.

They looked the girl and the Khajiit for a while and then Sura said her goodbyes to Carlotta and Lydia. She took the vegetables and her book and headed towards Jorrvaskr.

It was eerily empty again. Only Tilma gathered some dishes from the huge tables and Sura gave her the vegetables and the rest of the money. She smiled, brushed her cheek and before she went on with her business, Sura asked her about the Companions. To her mild disappointment Tilma told her that the Companions were carrying out some missions but she couldn't say exactly where they were and when they would return.

Sura looked at the book in her hands and wondered could she take it downstairs, to his room. She could leave it to his table and be done with it. So she headed towards the stairs and opened the door in to an empty hallway. It was quiet and her steps echoed from the stone floor as she moved on. He walked behind his door, knocked and tried the handle. The door was locked. She considered leaving the book on a small drawer which was almost next to it but maybe he wouldn't notice it.

Why are you making such a big deal out of this? she asked herself. It's only a book. I'm sure he won't lose his mind if he doesn't find it immediately when he comes back.

She packed away from the door but wanted to linger here for a little while longer. She sat down to a nearby table and started to browse through the book. She knew the letters by heart and remembered most of words and their meaning. There was a quill, an inkwell and some paper on the table and without thinking too much, she grabbed them and started to write some words to it. Complete, clear sentences were out of her reach but she tried her hardest and thought what she wanted to say.

She was immersed in her exercise and didn't notice how an older man watched her from the other side of the hallway. His other eye was blinded but he didn't need it to see clearly. He remembered the little Khajiit girl extremely well. And whenever the girl stopped by at Jorrvaskr, he was pleased to see her.

There was something in her that was exceptional. Maybe that was one of the reasons he had protected her all those years ago. He had felt her little fingers on his thick, rough fur, she hadn't been afraid of him.

Not him. But something else. She kept meowing on a small, weak voice, she looked straight ahead but didn't appear to see anything. Her blue eyes were blind, he had only seen pain and sadness.

And underneath his beast form, he had felt a warm sensation, need to keep her safe. And he had done that, he had walked along side her, guided her gently towards the closest city and made sure that other animals kept their distance. And when the Jarl's wagon came along, he had drawn back to the shadows of the forest and watched what would happen. Would they abandon the little girl or take her with them?

Hrongar's wife had been alive and both she and little Lydia wanted badly to take the girl along. Neither of them thought it was right to leave her on the side of the road. The Jarl agreed and he had been pleased to see that she was safe. He knew that she didn't remember anything about their meeting or anything about the events that had led her to the situation.

He didn't know either how Sura had ended up in that empty road, all alone, shocked and lost. But what he did know was that she was important. Like the male Khajiit that had come to Whiterun just a little while ago. And they were somehow connected. When the girl stood up, Kodlak Whitemane backed away to his room. There were many things he wanted to think about.

Sura looked at the note she had written. She had used short sentences and she was very sure most of her words were wrong and barely understandable but she hoped Vilkas would be able to see what she meant.

She folded the note between the pages, walked back to his door and placed the book on the floor. Momentarily she wanted to grab the note back and rip it so he wouldn't be able to find it at all.

_Just walk away_! she told herself, took few steps back and turned around. Most of her life she had always waited and waited and hoped that things would somehow work themselves out. But in the past few weeks, she had done something. She had actually made some moves.

She had taken another step closer to the one man her heart desired.


	13. Chapter 13: The big, bulky Orc

**13. The big, bulky Orc**

Jarl Balgruuf looked at the man who was standing in front of him. He looked as displeased as always but this time he was at least clean and wearing an unbroken armor. His housecarl stood few steps behind him and stared at the floor.

- Take her back! J'Ziir demanded. - I have no use for her. She gets in the way and she almost got us killed already. She doesn't know how to use her weapons or how to move her feet. She doesn't have any consideration and she rushes in to battles like a blind mammoth.

- My Thane... Lydia started.

- You keep your mouth shut, _housecarl_! J'Ziir snapped at her.

- I'm sorry but it's out of my hands, the Jarl said. - She is your housecarl now.

- So, that means I can release her from my service, right? J'Ziir asked. - How do I put it? Give this woman her brains back?

The Jarl ignored his harsh words but Hrongar frowned angrily. He didn't like to hear how this man - this Thane - mocked his only daughter.

- It's never been done before, Jarl Balgruuf said. - But it's up to you. Do what you think is best.

- Excellent, J'Ziir nodded and turned to Lydia. - You heard that? You are no longer my slave, woman. Do whatever you want and go where ever you want. It was fun while it lasted.

- What? Lydia looked at him and then she glanced the Jarl. - Can he...really do this?

- Like I said, it's up to him, the Jarl nodded.

- It's better for you, daughter, Hrongar said. - You get to concentrate on your wedding and your future now...

- Well, that worked out perfectly then, J'Ziir smiled, turned and walked out of the longhouse. _Finally_, he thought. I got rid of her. Now I can focus on other things. _Important things_. He was at the bottom of the deep stone steps when he heard hurried steps behind him. _No way_! he groaned in his mind. What is she thinking?

He turned around and saw Lydia running after him. She was panting when she got to him, not much but little. She stood next to him and looked at him with anticipation in her eyes.

- What are you doing? J'Ziir asked after a while.

- Serving you, my Thane, she said with a serious face.

- Didn't I just release you from my service? he asked angrily.

- Yes, she replied. - But you also gave me a free will. You said I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want. And that's what I'm doing. Following you, my Thane. Voluntarily.

- Have you lost your mind? J'Ziir shouted. - What part don't you understand? I don't need you! I don't want you around me!

- Nevertheless, she swallowed. - I'm going to stay by your side, my Thane.

J'Ziir rubbed his face and sighed. He watched her and tried to understand why she was acting like this. He hadn't given her any reason to stay beside him.

- What's the reason you want to stay with me? he finally asked.

- Well, you are the Dragonborn, Lydia smiled. - I wouldn't want to miss out on your adventures.

- There's another reason, isn't there? J'Ziir speculated. - Are you in love with me?

Lydia raised her eyes. The surprise and the shock in her face was so genuine that the male Khajiit shook his head. - Guess not, he grunted.

- My Thane..., Lydia started. - I only wish to help you.

- But are not helping, J'Ziir said. - And by the way, didn't your father mention that you are getting married. Isn't that more important that being my slave?

- I'm not married yet, she stated. - And until I am, I'm going to be your _housecarl_.

He was increasingly annoyed by her presence but it seemed he wasn't able to do anything about it. He was stuck with her, at least for now. _Fine_, he thought. Let her stay. Let her run all the insignificant errands and other small things. Let her feel that she is important so maybe you can then separate as friends later on.

- Alright then, he sighed. - So, what does a housecarl do?

- Like I said, Lydia smiled and was barely able to contain her joy. - I'm sworn to your service. I protect you and all you own with my life. If you were to buy a house, I would take care of it, keep it clean, cook you dinner and...

- In other words, J'Ziir leaned a little closer. - My slave AND my _wife_. Is that what you want? Play little home, take care of my house? Massage my shoulders when I get back from an adventure and patch my trousers? Cook me some dinner and maybe..."_play_" a little more later on?

- I didn't mean that, Lydia blushed. - Stop twisting my words, J'Ziir. You know what I mean.

- Oh, so it's no longer "_my Thane_" or "_the Dragonborn_", the Khajiit laughed. - Now we are on first name basis, hmm?

- Is there anything you would want to me to do, my Thane? Lydia ignored his words and followed him when they walked to the Market district. They stopped at Carlotta's vegetable stand and J'Ziir smiled to the owner. He turned to Lydia and nodded.

- Yes there is, my _wife_, the Khajiit grinned. - Fetch me some ale. And not from the Bannered Mare. Get some from the Drunken Huntsman. They have better drinks there.

- Yes, my Thane, Lydia sighed and reached out her hand. - I need some gold. I'm getting it for you so you don't expect me to pay, do you?

J'Ziir handed her his coin purse and then turned towards Carlotta again. Surprisingly her company was rather enjoyable and she was quite pretty. And he liked the little girl, every time he looked at her, she remained him more and more of Zahraji.

As Lydia walked towards the Drunken Huntsman, Sura walked out of Arcadia's Cauldron. Once again she was heading towards the Whiterun plains. Arcadia needed rather ordinary ingredients today. She looked around hoping to find Lydia but she was nowhere to be seen. When she noticed J'Ziir she wondered would he be interested to come with her in the plains.

- Hello, Sura greeted him. He only glanced at her but didn't reply. Carlotta smiled instead, she was always happy to see Sura.

- Where are you headed? Carlotta asked. - Let me guess. Something to do with Arcadia?

- Yes, Sura nodded. - She need some ingredients again. Seems most of her recipes aren't that reliable. She uses lots of stuff on nothing.

- I agree, Carlotta leaned against her table. - But sometimes she does succeed. Remember when she created that hangover potion? Weren't all the men in Whiterun ecstatic about that?

Sura laughed. - I think Torvar bought many bottles but after a while the effect seemed to disappear. And once again, he was cursing his headaches. And Arcadia.

- Are you going alone? J'Ziir asked suddenly. - It's not very safe.

- Lydia usually comes with me, Sura said. - But she isn't around now. What about you? Do you have anything to do? Want to come along?

- I don't really have time to babysit you, J'Ziir stated. - You know how it is. Being the Dragonborn and all that...

- I'll come with you.

Sura, Carlotta and J'Ziir turned to see who had made such a surprising offer. When Sura saw Idolaf Battle-Born, she immediately felt regretful to even have announced that she was going and needed someone to come along.

- There you go then, J'Ziir smiled. - A brave Nord to protect you. You are more safe with him that you would be with me. I'm only a Khajiit. And a Nord is a Nord.

- Thank you, Idolaf, Sura murmured. Reluctantly she followed him.

- Be safe, Mila yelled. - And bring me some nice flowers!

They didn't exchange words when they exited the main gate. Sura only wished she could gather Arcadia's ingredients as quickly as possible. She was sure that Idolaf wanted an answer. And rejecting him might not be so easy.

They headed towards the Plains. Sura looked around to find the blue and the purple mountain flowers. She also needed some Nirnroots and she located them rather easily because of their unique sound. While she gathered them, Idolaf took care of two mudcrabcs. They weren't that aggressive and were only buried under the mud and Sura didn't see a reason for him to kill them. But she didn't complain and while she had the chance, she took the chitins from them. She noticed that Idolaf wanted to say something but she hurried off to search for the Thistle branches. She realized that she needed to head towards the forest but she remembered seeing some flowers at the forest edge, near the road towards Riverwood.

They passed by Honningbrew Meadery and ascended a little higher. She recognized the plant immediately, picked some of the flowers and was relief to know it was the last ingredient she needed. Now they could head back and she would be able to avoid his questions and interrogations.

- Right, she smiled. - That's it. We can go back now. I have everything I need.

- I don't, Idolaf said, stepped closer and grabbed her hands in to his own. - I'm still waiting for your answer.

It was too late to try get away from him, she knew that. But she wanted to buy some time. - Let's just talk as we walk. We can get down this hill faster than going by the road.

He nodded and followed her lead. The Meadery and the plains were right ahead. Whiterun was clearly visible. The river ran down in massive rapids and deep waterfalls and they walked by. Big pine trees were growing here and the road from Riverwood to Whiterun was visible almost all the time. She wanted to get back to the city as soon as possible but he stopped her. He grabbed her hand and turned her around so she was forced to face him.

- You are not going to marry me, are you? Idolaf asked. - That's why you been avoiding me. Are you trying to let me down easily?

- I thought about it, like you asked me to, Sura admitted. - But it just doesn't feel right. You...don't feel right.

- I understand, Idolaf said. - I guess you are looking for something else then. Or someone else?

Sura didn't reply but she knew he could sense it. _There was someone else_. But he didn't seem angry or jealous, why would he be. He didn't want to marry her out of love. He wanted to marry her because of the Empire. Because of the war.

- Thank you for telling me, Idolaf said finally. - There is no reason why we couldn't remain as friends...or acquaintances.

Yes, he thought. Friends was a little too close. They had never been friends but he didn't hate or despise her. He and his father would just have to find another way now to convince the Jarl that choosing the Empire was the best option he had.

Sura nodded and was glad that this conversation was finally over and she didn't need to be so nervous around him anymore. She even smiled to him a little. He answered to her smile and Sura was sure that Idolaf would find his partner one day, be it because of the war or because of his heart.

- Well, well, a husky, cynical voice suddenly said. - Look at this, boys. A little soldier and his pet cat taking a walk outside.

As soon as Idolaf heard the voice, he pulled out his sword and pushed her behind him. She had rejected him but there was no reason why he wouldn't defend her, even with his life if it came to that.

A group of men stood on the road. The man who had spoken seemed to be the leader of the rabble. Except - he was no man. He was one of the biggest Orcs she had ever seen. He was tall and muscular, his skin was dark green, his tusks were huge and sharp. He was wearing a tough iron armor and a massive orchish sword hanged from his waist. Sura swallowed and felt fear grip her heart. Idolaf still stood in front of her but she could clearly see that they were outnumbered. The Orc had six sturdy men standing around him and they all grinned sarcastically.

- Get them, boys! The Orc ordered.

All the men pulled out their swords and axes and rushed forward. Idolaf had been in many battles, he knew how to use his sword and defend himself. The first two men soon lay in the ground moaning and bleeding. Sura realized that she couldn't just stand around doing nothing. She tossed her basket aside and in the midst of the chaos tried to clear her mind and gather the energy she needed to either use one of her destruction spells or conjure a possible flame atrnonach to help them. She backed away from the fighting men and concentrated on her efforts.

But she failed to see the big Orc. He came right at her, he was incredibly fast, and before she could use her spell and release her destructive energy, he grabbed her arm, spun her around and tossed her against the nearest pine tree. She felt the pain in her body, it pierced through her head and she screamed. Her vision began to blur but she crawled up to her feet.

The Orcs strong hand pressed against her neck and he lifted her whole body against the tree trunk. She tried to claw his hand but he only laughed and his blood red eyes gleamed dangerously. She couldn't breathe and she tried to kicking him but he was too strong.

- Give up, soldier! the Orc yelled. - Or I'm going break this cats neck!

- Leave her alone! Idolaf shouted and when he momentarily moved his attention away from the battle, a massive war hammer came down in his back and made him fall to his knees. He moaned, grit his teeth and tried to get up. Two strong man were immediately on him and they kept hitting and kicking him until he remained in the ground.

- Let her go, he still demanded but his voice was now weak and hoarse. - If you hurt her, the Jarl of Whiterun will hunt you down. There isn't a place in Skyrim where you will be safe from his wrath!

- The Jarl himself! the Orc laughed, removed his hand from Sura's throat and she dropped to the ground coughing and gasping for air. - Did you hear that, boys! The Jarl himself will hunt us down!

The men laughed and Sura was sure she could hear their mocking laughter in her ears for the rest of her days. She also knew that she would never forget Idolaf, beaten down, tired and bloodied. And if she would survive this, she would always be grateful to him, because he had tried to save her, no matter what.

- Well, if this little fleabag is so important to the Jarl, why don't we send him a message? the Orc chuckled. - Write it down! he ordered and one of the men took some paper and quill from his knapsack.

- 5000 gold coins, the Orc looked at Sura with his cruel eyes. - If he pays that, then he will get his housecat back...eventually.

Again, they all laughed. The Orc grabbed the paper from his man, read it through, pulled out a serrated dagger, wrapped it around it and then - _Sura gasped_. He lifted exhausted Idolaf to his knees and with one powerful strike, he hit the dagger and the message to his left shoulder. Idolaf screamed and the Orc pulled him closer so that their faces were only couple of inches apart.

- Make sure the Jarl gets that! the Orc ordered. - And don't die on the way, little soldier!

The Orc came towards her. She tried to crawl away, tried to get to Idolaf, who was now laying on the ground completely motionless.

- I...Idolaf... she wheezed. - Please...

- Come on, cat! The Orc picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. - You are going to be our pet now. Don't worry, I'll make sure you are going to enjoy your stay!


	14. Chapter 14: Hope is your survival

**14. Hope is your survival**

J'Ziir and Lydia were among the first ones who saw Idolaf Battle-Born crawl inside the main gate. The two guards at the gate tried to help him, but he pushed them aside. He was staggering from one side to the other like a drunkard. He had pulled the dagger from his shoulder, and as he walked on a trail of blood followed him and soaked into ground.

- Idolaf! Lydia shouted and rushed to him. - What has happened to you?

- The Jarl, he mumbled. - I need to see him.

- Help me! Lydia yelled to the people around her.

As some of the guards ran to help them, J'Ziir noticed that Sura was nowhere to be seen. He remembered clearly that the girl had gone to the plains with this man. If the soldier came back beaten up and bloodied, there wasn't much of a chance that the girl was still alive.

He followed them as Idolaf Battle-Born insisted seeing the Jarl instead of being taken to the temple of Kynareth to be healed. Lydia tried to talk some sense into him but he was stubborn, yanked himself away from his helpers and started to stumble up the stone stairs. Lydia sighed and hurried to help him. Together they made it up the stairs and into the Dragonsreach.

The Jarl was holding a meeting with his Stewart and his brother when Lydia, Idolaf and the two guards came in. J'Ziir followed them, but he didn't try to help. He was mildly interested what had happened to the girl.

- What's the meaning of this? the Jarl demanded to know.

The exhausted man handed the bloody dagger to his Jarl. Then he passed out and Lydia wasn't able to hold him by herself. Hrongar ordered the guards to take him to the temple to be treated and inform his situations to his parents.

- What is this? Jarl Balgruuf wondered and rolled out the message that was wrinkled and barely readable. As he made out the words, his face grew pale, he took a step back and sank to his chair.

- What's happened, my Jarl? Lydia asked. - What did it say?

- Hrongar, the Jarl turned to his brother. - Send someone to get the Companions. We need their help.

Hrongar wondered what had happened, but didn't ask anything. He nodded and dismissed himself.

- My Jarl? Lydia asked again. - What...

- Sura...has been taken, the Jarl uttered and covered his eyes. - They demand 5000 gold coins for her. By the Gods...

- Taken? Lydia repeated. - By who? Why?

- This shouldn't be happening, the Jarl murmured. - Our land shouldn't be this dangerous! How can this happen right in our doorstep?

- Why wouldn't it happen? J'Ziir asked. - Have you tried to make the roads safe for travelers? Do you know just how many bandit groups are out there? Do you know what they are capable of? Not just robbing and blackmailing...they do worse things than that. Especially to women.

- Dragonborn, the Jarl said. - Your words are harsh and cruel. I have done my best to protect my citizens. But for this to happen now... will you help us to get her back?

J'Ziir was about to refuse, but Lydia's angry eyes made him rethink his position. The girl was probably dead already and trying to her back alive would be difficult, no doubt about that. But at the same time, he did feel partly responsible. She had asked him to accompany her but once again he had refused. And the Nord who went with her, had nearly been killed. So it seemed that there were many of them and he had been completely outnumbered.

He wanted to say no. This could only end badly. But before he could give his answer, the doors opened and two almost identical man walked in. He didn't need to take another look to know who they were. Whiterun's pride, the Companions. Wolf brothers.

- What has happened? Vilkas asked immediately. - We were told you need our help.

- Sura has been taken, the Jarl explained. J'Ziir saw how the other man winced and his grey eyes started to burn frantically. The other man - his brother - placed his hand on his shoulder, to calm him or to comfort him, J'Ziir couldn't tell. But he sensed that there was something personal going on here. This girl, this _Khajiit_, was more than just a citizen of Whiterun. She seemed to be very important to almost everyone.

- Where is she? Farkas growled.

- They are waiting for the payment in Mistwatch, the Jarl said.

- That's in Eastmarch, Farkas nodded. - Old, abandoned fort. No wonder the bandits favor it. It will take some time and effort to get there and get her out alive, but we will try.

- How can you even be sure she's still alive? J'Ziir asked and they all turned to look at him. - Yes, they are expecting the money...maybe. But in the meantime, they are going use her for their amusement. And when they get tired of her they might simply kill her.

- We are going nevertheless, Vilkas said to the Jarl. - And we will get her back. You have my word.

- What's the big deal? J'Ziir asked finally. - She's only a Khajiit.

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth, when two sharp swords were pointed at his neck. The other belonged to the Jarl.

- If you weren't the Dragonborn, he growled. - Your head would roll on the floor. You always blame the Nords for hating your race but shame your own people more than anyone else here. You belittle them, you care nothing for others. But let me remind you. This girl is part of my family. I love her like my own daughter. When she had no real family, we decided to give her one. And now, when she needs us the most, we will not abandon her.

- Fair enough, J'Ziir nodded. He did not flinch or show any fear nor respect when the sharp blades were raised against him. He only moved his curious eyes to the other man and met his flaming gaze. - And what's your reason for trying to kill me? You love her too?

- I do, Vilkas said without hesitation. - And I will not tolerate anyone who tries to put her down. No matter what kind of legend you are, _Khajiit_.

- Please! Lydia yelled and lowered Vilkas' sword. - We don't have time for this.

- Good luck getting her out alive, J'Ziir said and turned to Lydia. - And since I gave you free will and she's your friend, you are probably going with them.

- You...are not coming? Lydia asked desperately.

- She seems to have enough saviors already, J'Ziir glanced at the two men. - Why would I waste my time?

- Are you serious? Lydia grabbed his arm. - She's needs us all!

- Not me, J'Ziir said and walked out.

Lydia hesitated for a while. She could still try to get him to change his mind but that would probably be just a waste of time. And Sura needed them - as soon as possible. So she turned towards Vilkas and Farkas.

- I'm coming with you, she said and they both nodded.

- We'll meet you at the stables, Farkas said. - Get what you need and be ready to go.

* * *

><p>Her life was filled with pain.<p>

She didn't want to see anything, so she closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear anything so she tried to block her ears as well. She wanted to be invisible so she curled up in the darkest corner, pulled her legs against her chest and wrapped her arms around herself.

She could feel the sticky blood between her thighs and her whole body was aching and throbbing. Every move caused pain. She was broken and shattered. Her left eye was almost swelled up and she couldn't see anything with it. Not that she wanted to.

She felt the cold stone floor against her bare skin. There were some dirty straws in the floor but as soon as they had thrown her in the cell, she had crawled to the farthest corner and only wanted to be alone. To die.

She heard their voices - _his voice_.

_His laughter. _

She hated it. She feared it. If she had any energy left, any will to fight, she would have tried to claw his eyes out. Like she had tried when the Orc grabbed her, tore her clothes off and took what he wanted. She had managed to rip three deep gashes in his face but he had only laughed and then knocked her out with his big fist. And when she came to her senses, he had already done what he wanted and tossed her to another man.

She had lost the sense of time, she didn't know was it night or day. But it didn't matter to her. Not anymore. All she now wanted was to die. To leave this place, leave this world. Shivers ran down her spine when she listened to his steps. Was he coming closer? Was he going to hurt her again? _Please...not again...not anymore..._

She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged herself tighter. Her claws dig in to her flesh but she didn't feel the pain. She only wished that he wouldn't come to her, that he would stay away, that somehow he wouldn't see her or be interested in her.

As she listened to his steps, she didn't notice a calming, gentle voice in her ear. But as he walked away, the voice became a little louder, not much but enough so that she could hear.

_(My dear girl. They are coming to save you.)_

It was a woman's voice. And it was so familiar, so tender and so soft that tears pushed through her closed eyelids. She knew that voice, she had heard it many, many times before.

_(Ma?)_

The voice didn't have a face, but she could remember her touch. Even her laughter. And her mother's arms that wrapped around her, comforting and protecting.

_(Just a little longer, my dear. Wait just a little while. Soon you'll be safe.)_

She wanted to trust in her words, she wanted to believe that what she said was true. That someone was coming and would eventually take her away from this place. That someone would release her from this pain and agony.

_(Ma. If he comes to me again and hurts me, I don't think I can take it. I don't think I can survive it...)_

The voice was suddenly gone. Her hands began to tremble and she curled her tail around her legs. No, she prayed. _Not him! _But she cloud clearly hear his steps now. His steps that were coming closer and closer and closer. And when his big hand pulled the cell door open, she uttered a desperate cry and tried to get away from him. But her body was weak, it was cold and stiff and rigid. Every move made her moan.

- Hey little fleabag, the Orc laughed mockingly. - Got enough sleep? Ready for another round?

- No! she hissed and swung her other hand at him. - Don't touch me! Get away!

- Well that's not very nice, the Orc grabbed her hand and pulled her closer so that her arm almost got dislodged. She cried out in pain but she couldn't match his strength and power. He seized her tail, wrapped it around his hand and she screamed the whole time. Finally he pulled her out of the cell and with her last strength, she dug her nails to the floors. White scratch marks were left in the stone as she was pulled towards the sarcastic laughter that echoed through the fort.


	15. Chapter 15: Never abandon, never forget

**15. Never abandon, never forget  
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They had traveled through the night. Lydia, Vilkas and Farkas had left Whiterun late in the evening and headed towards East. They hadn't talked much, the situation was too grave for some lighthearted conversation.

Before they left, Lydia had tried to find J'Ziir. But the male Khajiit had vanished like the wind and she didn't have the time to go look for him. For the first time she really loathed him.

Farkas and Vilkas talked very little. Lydia could see that they were both worried about Sura but Vilkas was especially worried. He didn't want to take any breaks and they just rode on through the night, they rushed through the forests over streams and shallow rivers. Vilkas chose the fastest way he could find.

He was deceivingly calm. He didn't talk, his answers to his brother were grunts and groans and Lydia could sense his anger, his will to hurt and smash and kill. She knew that when they would reach Mistwatch, he would be unstoppable. And he would lead them, he would make the necessary decisions to get Sura back alive.

_Gods, please let her be alive_, Lydia prayed. She remembered J'Ziir's words, what he had said about them using her for their "_amusement_". That was probably true, very few creatures in Skyrim new mercy or gave any to their enemies or victims.

As the dawn broke and the sun shone its first rays to the snowy mountains, they passed Darkwater Crossing. They only saw few guards making their rounds, no one else seemed to be awake. They didn't stop, only passed through and headed towards the old fortress. Soon they could see the tall round towers through the mist.

- Let's leave our horses here, Vilkas ordered. - We don't need to draw their attention yet. We'll make a plan and we work together.

- We don't know where she is, Lydia jumped to the ground. - And if they hear us coming, they might kill her. So we need to be very careful and stealthy.

- True, Vilkas nodded. - No need to risk her or anyone else. We go in, we get her and we get out. Is that clear?

- So, how do we do this? Farkas asked.

- We need to take a look around first, Vilkas said. - See how many of them are out in the yard. And we need to take them out before they can sound any kind alarm. So, get your bows ready.

- I already took take of the people outside, familiar voice said behind them. They all turned around, weapons ready to strike. - Whoa! Calm down, J'Ziir raised his hands.

- What are you doing here? Vilkas growled.

- Saving the damsel in distress, J'Ziir sneered. - She is at the top. In the East tower.

- You saw her? Lydia grabbed his hand. - Was she alright?

- Alive, J'Ziir crossed his arms. - But not alright.

- How do you know she's up there? Vilkas asked.

- While I was waiting for you, J'Ziir looked at him. - I snuck in to take a look. They keep her in one of the cells. There are lots of men up there and one really big, angry Orc. Their leader, I imagine. She's in bad shape so we shouldn't waste our time talking out here.

- You're right, Vilkas said. - We need to move. Farkas, you're coming with me. Lydia, you go with him, Vilkas nodded towards J'Ziir and then looked at him under his eyebrows. - You said you took out most of the people in the yard. How many in the towers?

- I took them all out, J'Ziir frowned. - I don't know how many there are inside but in the top floor, there are seven men and the big Orc. He propably has spread his men through the lower floors.

- Alright, is there more than one way in? Vilkas asked.

- Just one, but the wall is quite easy to climb, J'Ziir said. - I'll go up there if the rest of you take care of the first floors.

- But can you handle the top floor by yourself? Lydia was worried.

- I killed a dragon, J'Ziir snapped. - I think I can handle couple of witless bandits.

- Fine, Vilkas nodded. - We'll take the first floors. _But_, he looked at J'Ziir and his eyes were burning with anger. - You leave the leader to me. Is that clear?

The Khajiit shrugged his shoulders, turned and disappeared quickly and silently. Lydia, Farkas and Vilkas pulled out their swords and approached the fort carefully. When they saw J'Ziir climbing over the high stone wall, they moved faster. There were nearly ten dead bodies laying around the yard. None of them were killed by arrows, almost everyone had a deep, bloody gash in their throats. Lydia felt a little sick as she looked at them. J'Ziir was definitely a masterful warrior, a perfect night predator. Quiet, stealthy and deadly. All of these men were caught off guard and killed in mere seconds.

They ran over the shaky wooden bridge that lead to the first tower. The door creaked as Vilkas pushed it open with his sword. He took one step inside - then without a word ordered the others to follow him. The hallway curved towards right and they checked every room and corner. There were only few men in the first floor and Farkas and Vilkas took care of them quickly. They didn't conserve their anger and rage when they cut of their heads. And they didn't pay attention to the bodies they left behind.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile J'Ziir had snuck up near the large entrance of the top floor. The room was filled with men who were talking, drinking and laughing. He peeked around the corner and saw Sura in the small cell in the other side of the room. The girl didn't move, she was barely breathing. He scanned the room, there were no other exits, only two cells and one smaller room in the right.<p>

He looked at the Orc and remembered Vilkas' words. If the Nord wanted to kill him, he didn't have any objections. _You need to immobilize him_, he told himself. _So he can't move, so he can't hurt you or the girl anymore_. The Orc was clearly the biggest threat in the room, the rest of the rabble were drunken, staggering morons who were barely able to stand let alone defend themselves.

He chose his targets, knew where he would hit them and anticipated their possible moves. And even if his prediction wasn't always right, he was usually able to correct his moves in time. He pulled out his axes, the best weapons he could think of, tensed his body and prepared his muscles to move. Without a warning he rolled out from his hiding place and his axe hit the first man right where he wanted. It slashed his throat and at the same time his second axe already carved its way into another man's skull. Before anyone could properly react and get their weapons, he had already cut the hands of from the third man and wounded the fourth in his stomach.

When the sharp steel sword whizzed in the air next to his head, he bend down, rolled under his attacker and slashed his calves. As he fell down, he smashed his head in with the axe handle. In the corner of his eye he saw the big Orc moving, he got up from his seat, grabbed a huge war axe and charged forward. When he swung his axe, he rolled away and jumped to his feet and the huge blade smashed to the floor right where his body was few seconds ago.

Four men and the big Orc. He stood between them and the cells. The exit was behind them and he knew if he wanted to get out alive, he would have to fight his way through. He wondered how far down Lydia and the others were.

* * *

><p>They were at almost at the second balcony when they heard the screams and the moans coming from the upper levels. Lydia glanced up, grabbed her sword harder and ran forward. Now she was not only worried about Sura but for her Thane as well. He was an excellent fighter, no doubt about that, but even he wouldn't last long if he was outnumbered.<p>

They experienced only weak resistance as they ran upwards. In one of the rooms they saw were five, sleepy bandits and Farkas told Lydia and Vilkas to move on. He would handle them by himself.

They ran up the stairs and were almost ambushed by a group of men that had heard them coming. Vilkas was on the edge of his patience and at that point he didn't care about few cuts and slashes. He was brutal and merciless, he used his sword with expertise and precision. Farkas caught up with them as they were climbing upwards, through the trapdoor on top of the next tower. This was where they had seen J'Ziir climb up. They were almost at the top. Without hesitation they ran forward. The door was ajar and an eerie silence greeted them as they climbed up the stairs. Near the entrance they heard low moaning and soft cries.

Lydia entered the room first. The floor and the walls were filled with blood spatters, there were dead men everywhere. The big Orc leaned against the stone wall, his tendons had been cut off and he couldn't stand. He was the one who kept moaning and apparently the only one alive from the whole group.

J'Ziir was in one of the cells. He had taken one of the dirty sleeping sacks and wrapped it around the unconscious girl. He lifted her in his arms and walked out of the cell.

- Sura! Lydia yelled and ran to them. - Please...talk to me...

- She's almost dead, J'Ziir said with a flat voice. - They treated her pretty poorly.

Vilkas lowered his sword and walked up to them. The anger in his eyes melted away and momentarily they were filled with deep regret and sadness. He raised his hand and touched her face, lightly and softly. Then he backed away and moved his eyes to the Orc.

- You take her away from here, he said and his eyes started to burn again. - We'll catch up with you. After we handle things in here.

- She's quite weak, J'Ziir said. - I don't know can she handle to the journey back to Whiterun.

- Here, Lydia said and picked some potions underneath her armor. - I had a feeling we would need these. Come on, Sura...drink up, you'll feel better after this.

- Get going! Vilkas ordered and took few steps closer to the Orc.

J'Ziir nodded, pulled the girl closer - she was as light as a feather - and they headed towards the stairs. In the entrance he took one last look back and saw Vilkas throw his sword to the ground. He also took of his armor. He could hear low growling, it was deep and animalistic, like some brutal and bloodthirsty predator had suddenly gotten lose.

Lydia yanked his arm and as they descended the stairs, they could hear the Orc screaming, his screams were filled with terror and fear. And then there was another sound, two terrifying roars that echoed through the hallways of the Mistwatch Fort.


	16. Chapter 16: The road to the past

**16. The road to the past**

They arrived in Whiterun late that evening. Farkas and Vilkas gained Lydia and J'Ziir near the city. They didn't explain what they had done in Mistwatch and J'Ziir didn't want to know. It was enough that the girl was saved and the bandits were dead. They rode in through the gates and up the stairs straight to Dragonsreach. The Jarl and Farengar were eagerly waiting for their return and none of them seemed surprised when they saw the male Khajiit with the others.

J'Ziir carried Sura to her room and the Jarl sent for Danica Pure-Spring. She arrived and they placed Sura in her capable hands. Now they were all waiting in the longhouse. Vilkas and Farkas refused to return to Jorrvaskr before they knew how she was doing.

Lydia was nervous and worried. She wanted to go see her friend and be by her side, but time and time again the priestess told her to wait. So, she walked back and forth, biting her lower lip and glancing towards Sura's room.

The only one who didn't seem that interested was J'Ziir. He seemed unconcerned but he actually listened very closely what everyone was saying. He didn't want the girl to die, he had - after all - seen pretty much trouble to get her out of her prison.

He placed his hand on his knee and only then remembered his loot. Before the others had arrived, he had rummaged through the fort as much as he dared and gathered the most valuable items in his own pockets. From one of the strongboxes he had found a real treasure. Gold, gemstones and jewelry. He didn't have time to sort all the necklaces and rings so he just stuffed most of it inside his coin purse.

He took the purse in his hand, opened it and poured its contents to the table. The Jarl glanced at him but didn't say anything. He started to sift through his findings. The most valuable pieces he could sell, like the golden necklaces and the sapphire rings. He could also get rid of the rubies and emeralds, he had no use for them. And the more money he had, the better weapons he could get and be more prepared to leave this city and head towards Windhelm.

And then - his heart skipped a beat. Like the people around him suddenly stopped moving. Like there was no one else in the room, he only saw the one jewel he had searched for the past twenty years.

His hand trembled as he picked up the small golden pendant. The golden crescent moon. He blinked his eyes and held his breath. _Could it really be...?_

The jewel glowed weakly in the dim light. He lifted the necklace to his eyes. Was it really her necklace? Could there be another one just like it? Besides his own...

_Zahraji..._

They heard soft steps and Danica Pure-Spring walked into the hall. They all looked up at her, she walked to the Jarl and bowed.

- She's stable now, she said. - I have healed her physical wounds. I used my most powerful spells. She needs to rest now.

- Did she wake up? the Jarl asked and the woman shook her head.

- It seems that those men...were extremely brutal, the priestess said. - Her body is alright but I'm afraid there isn't a spells or a potions that could cure her mind. We only see the full damage when she wakes up. And that will take some time.

- Thank you, the Jarl said. - I appreciate all you've done. It seems we can do nothing but wait now.

The priestess nodded. She said she would return the next day and check up on her again. She turned to Farengar and explained shortly what potions she had used and what their possible effects were. Then she bowed once again and headed to the door. The Jarl sighed, stood up from his chair and walked upstairs. His steps were heavy and tired.

As soon as he was gone, Lydia ran in to Sura's room, sat beside her and grabbed her hand. She lifted it to her cheek and tried hard not to weep. Sura looked peaceful in her sleep. But Lydia sensed it wasn't normal sleep, she wouldn't wake up even if she tried to scream and shake her. But this is good, she thought. She needs this, she needs to rest and gather her strength.

Lydia didn't notice Farkas and Vilkas standing at the door, both men seemed exhausted. Vilkas took one step closer, he wanted to touch her, give some of his strength to her, somehow convince her to fight and survive. But it was like the thin thread that once was between them, was suddenly gone and severed. Those first beautiful buds that were almost open, almost ready to bloom, were now dead and withered.

Vilkas turned around, his brother tried to slow him down, but he pushed him aside and stormed off. His rage was too close to the surface, it was almost impossible to hold it in.

J'Ziir didn't see or hear them go. He was still sitting at the table. He held the necklace and stared at it. Then he pulled his own pendant from under his cuirass and placed it next to the one he had found.

_They are identical_, he swallowed. There are two necklaces like this in this world. Mine...and _hers_. How had it ended up in Mistwatch? he thought. Well, it was a bandit camp and they had probably stolen it from somewhere. This doesn't mean anything...it doesn't mean that she's..._alive_. And there was no way of telling how it had ended up in Mistwatch. No one to tell where it had come from, to who had it belonged to.

- That's Sura's necklace, Lydia was suddenly next to her. - I can't believe you found it.

- What do you mean? J'Ziir frowned. - It's hers?

- Yes, Lydia nodded. - It's pretty important to her. You should give it back.

- How long has she had it? J'Ziir stood up and grabbed her shoulders. - How long?

- E..ever since she came here, Lydia stuttered. - Wh..why are you so angry again?

J'Ziir didn't answer. He squeezed the necklace, pushed Lydia aside and hurried to Sura's room. When Lydia saw where he was going, she ran after him. She tried to stop him at the door, but he didn't care about her. He tossed her aside and rushed to the bed, grabbed the unconscious girl from her shoulders and shook her.

- Zahraji! he yelled. - Is it you? Answer me! Is it really you? Raji!

- Stop it! Lydia shouted and tore him away. - What do you think you're doing? Get away from her!

- Just...talk to me, Zahraji, he still tried. - If it's you...

- J'Ziir! Stop! Lydia slapped him on his face. She was shocked by her own actions, covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head. - I'm...sorry...I don't...

The slap seemed to wake him up from his frantic dream. He took a step back and looked around like he didn't know where he was. He looked at Sura and then Lydia. She had never seen him like this, his eyes filled with vanishing hope, sadness and even fear. He reached out his hand and handed the necklace to her.

- If it's so important, he finally said. - Give it back to her.

Then he left.

* * *

><p><em>What were you thinking? <em>he asked himself when he headed towards the Bannered Mare. Of course it's not her, she is nothing like her. And she would recognize you, she would know. But why then...why she had the necklace? Who gave it to her?

He just wanted to forget the whole incident. He opened the door to the inn, walked straight to the counter and ordered some mead. Hulda didn't argue but she looked at him little suspicious. J'Ziir had never drank mead before, he had in fact said that he didn't like it.

But here he was now. Drinking. As an Innkeeper, Hulda knew not ask guestions. And the Dragonborn looked as he might shout the first person to death who started asking guestion.

J'Ziir emptied the first bottle in seconds and Hulda brought her two more. He promised to pay, she didn't have to worry about that. He would always pay his dept.

- Didn't you say the Drunken Huntsman has better drinks? a familiar female voice said next to him. - How come you are drinking here then?

J'Ziir looked up and saw the annoying face of his housecarl, the face of his personal slave. He sneered but didn't stop drinking.

- When you are desperate, everything goes down, he noted.

She didn't say anything, only sat down and looked at him. For some time he could handle her piercing gaze, but eventually it began to irritate him.

- What are you staring at? he snapped at her with a tone she knew so well.

- Who's Zahraji? Lydia asked guietly.

- No one, J'Ziir said and his voice made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it. But Lydia wasn't about to listen to him and she definitely wasn't about to give up.

- She can't be no one, she sighed. - Clearly she is someone important. Maybe...your wife?

- You think I'm marriageable? J'Ziir glanced at her and nodded at Hulda who brought more mead to the counter. - You think there's a woman on Nirn who would tolerate me?

- Let's say you have one of those faces only a mother could love, Lydia joked, but her attemps to inspire laughter or even a sarcastic smirk were all in vain. He frowned and turned back to his mead. - Well, if she is not your wife, then who is she? Lydia insisted. - And what's with the necklace? Why is so important?

- Can't you just...let it go? J'Ziir looked at her. - I'm tired.

- No, I can't let it go, Lydia shook her head. - Because it has something to do with Sura. And she's my best friend, like my sister. So, I'll ask again. Who is Zahraji?

He remained quiet. He thought what to say and how to say it. He wasn't obligated to explain his life to her. But if he wouldn't answer, she would just keep pestering, just keep asking. And her voice irritated him. So, he answered, truthfully and simply.

- Raji, he said. - Was my sister.

- Was? Lydia asked.

- She died, J'Ziir nodded. - Years ago, along with the rest of my family.

- Are you sure? Lydia asked. - That she died?

- I didn't see her body, J'Ziir said. - But she was pushed off a cliff. Into a river filled with waterfalls and rapids. It's hard for me to imagine that she could have survived. She was only five years old.

- I'm so sorry, Lydia touched his arm but he pulled away from her.

- I don't need your pity, he hissed and gulped down some more mead.

- Why then...all the fuss about the necklace? Lydia wondered. She was becoming a master when it came to ignoring his hateful comments and remarks. - If you know your sister is dead?

- That necklace, he said. - It belonged to her. There's only two of them in this world, one for her and the other for me, he said, drank down another bottle and then turned to look at her. - So, now you know. Satisfied?

- Yes, Lydia nodded. - But...

- Be quiet, J'Ziir placed his finger on top of her mouth. - I don't want to talk about it anymore. You already squeezed more out of me that I was about to tell. Don't push your luck, _slave_.

- Housecarl! Lydia corrected.

- Whatever, J'Ziir rolled his eyes. - Hulda, give me more.

- I've think you've had quit enough already, Lydia said, turned to Hulda and shook her head. - Let's go. You need some sleep too, Dragonborn.

- Who are you to say when I've had enough? J'Ziir looked at her critically. – Since when did you gained the right to command me? To tell me what to do...

- I am not trying that, Lydia shook her head. - I'm trying to look after you. As a housecarl should.

- A housecarl or a wife? J'Ziir stood up and he was swaying so much that Lydia grabbed his hand to prevent him from falling. - Want to hold my hand? he sneered.

- I don't know where you get the ridicilous idea that I'd want to be your wife, Lydia sighed. – Are you so desperate that you would actually settle for a Nord?

- You despise me, J'Ziir said. – I can hear it in your voice. You only serve me because you were forced to do so...

- Don't you remember giving me free will to do so, Lydia argued. – I'm here because I care. Let' go then...

- Get away from me, woman, J'Ziir shaked her off and as he yanked his hand free, he almost lost his balance and fell backwards. – I have places to be...

- You can barely walk straight, Lydia stated. - Where do you think you are going?

- For another round, J'Ziir burped and Lydia held her nose in disgust. - To the Drunken Huntsman...

- Oh, no you're not, Lydia pushed him backwards and looked at Hulda. - Is the room upstairs still available?

She nodded and started to gather the empty bottles away. Lydia paid for the room and for the drinks even though she tried to explain that it wasn't necessary.

- Are you going to seduce me now? J'Ziir mumbled as Lydia pulled him towards upstairs. - Take advantage of me when I'm vulnerable?

- Oh, you saw through my sneaky plans! All my life I have wanted nothing more than to seduce and tame a wild animal like you, Lydia rolled her yes, lead him up the stairs and tried to make sure he didn't stumble or fall downstairs.

- Sometimes it's better to be an animal, J'Ziir snapped and leaned against the wall as Lydia opened the door. Then, before she could guide him inside, he grabbed her shoulders and slammed her back against the wall. - You don't have to explain things or be reasonable. You don't need to listen annoying women asking about your past. You just do what your instincts tell you.

- It seems to me, Lydia argued and pushed him back towards the room. - That you have already abandoned that part of your brain. You know, the part that makes you a human instead of an animal.

- But I'm not a human, J'Ziir sneered. - Why should I act like one?

She sighed again and tried to direct him towards the bed. – Get some sleep.

- I can't sleep on a foreign bed when I'm drunk, he stopped suddenly and she pumped against his back.

- What are you talking about? Lydia yelled. - You don't own a bed in this city. In fact, you don't own a bed anywhere in Skyrim because you haven't bought a house, no matter how many times I have suggested it.

- I don't want to own anything in this filthy land! J'Ziir snapped. - You want me to buy a house so that you can play my wife? J'Ziir crossed his arms. - I think not. And besides, aren't you already acting like a wife? Nagging me about things I haven't done. Shouldn't a housecarl be a little more careful with her words?

- It doesn't matter what I say, Lydia noted. - You never listen to me anyway.

- And still, you keep repeating the same things, J'Ziir smiled. - That's why I like you.

- Is that some new, twisted way to insult me, Lydia asked. - First saying that you like me and then...

- Of course it would offend you, J'Ziir started to remove his armor. - For you to find out that this _cat_ actually finds you rather attractive.

Lydia's mouth hanged open, she wasn't sure had she heard him right. Or understood him right.

- Too bad, your not into Khajiits, he continued casually and a self-righteous smirk rose in to his face. - I can almost imagine you...naked, sweaty, moaning, screaming, begging for more. Tell me...could I make you beg for more?

Suddnely her mouth felt incredibly dry, she tried to swallow but all she felt was the enourmous lump that had formed in her throat.

- What are you talking about? she stuttered and back away from him. – Get some sleep.

- Making you uncomfortable, am I? he laughed. – For a moment I actually considered you as my mate. Have you heard anything so ridicilous in your life? he kept laughing and fell to the bed. Lydia turned to the door but her hand stopped in the mid air and she was having difficulties to breath. It's just the mead talking, she said to herself. It's not him.

- W...why? Lydia turned slowly around. Even if he had said it as a joke, as something utterly laughable, she still wanted to know if some parts of what he said, was true. Even if only a small, tiny portion. Nothing that Hadvar had ever said, nothing in their upcoming marriage had ever made her look for answers this eagerly.

His laughter quieted down, he stood upright and sat on the edge of the bed. His blue eyes were softer and darker, more intensive.

- If I had someone here, he whispered and pressed his hand against his chest. - Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid.

- Afraid? she repeated. – Afraid of what?

At first, it seemed he didn't hear her guestion. It was like he was all alone, almost talking to himself. He didn't start to spit vicious words around like an angry spider spat its venom.

- This hate, he finally said. His eyes were focused on somewhere else, somewhere far beyond this room. - It consumes me. Swallows me, and it tears off the last bits of goodness and kindness that I might still have. When that happens...

He didn't continue. Lydia swallowed. She had never seen him open up this much and for the first time she could clearly see some of the reasons behind his feelings. He was lonely, extremely so. Lonely and afraid. His will of revenge drove him ahead, made him turn people away, build thick, unpenetrable walls around him. His revenge was his only purpose.

- When that happens, he continued and now his eyes shifted, looked straight at her and made her feel weak and afraid, not for herself, but for him. - Then I am truly the animal you always thought I was.

- Let go of your anger, Lydia said softly. Her heart reached out for him, she couldn't have stopped it even if she tried. She felt the urge to comfort him, to hold him and replace all the hatred with something better. With care, friendship and even love.

_Love._

- It's been with me all these years, he sighed. - It has kept me going. It's like dark, thick veil that lingers around me. A smoke that only I can see and feel and touch. I have lived with it so long...without it, I don't have a purpose. I can't survive...

- But you have a purpose! Lydia hurried to him, kneeled in front of him and grabbed his hands. - You are the Dragonborn...

As soon as the word slipped out of her mouth, he changed.

His ears turned backwards, his eyes grew colder. Even in his alcohol hazed mind he hated to hear that name. In fact, it infuriated him even more now than when he was sober.

- You and your Nord legends, he pulled his hands back and stood up. - It's not a purpose. It's a duty that was forced upon me by your people and the Greybeards.

- You still hate this country and its people? Lydia asked. - After everything you've seen and done? After you played so happily with Mila? After you saved Sura?

- Oh, now is a good time to throw it all back to my face, isn't it? he growled.

- If she's your sister, Lydia started. - If Sura is your sister...

- What did I just...

- Hear me out! Lydia interrupted him. - This is her homeland. She has no memories of her childhood. This is where she has been living most of her life. And unlike you, she loves this land. She loves its people. And she loves a man, who is a Nord!

- And your point is? J'Ziir looked at her.

- Your duty, Lydia said. - Do it. Be the Dragonborn, save Skyrim!

- Have your heard nothing I've said? J'Ziir stepped closer.

- Do it for her, Lydia didn't let his cold sarcastic tone throw her off. - If this land is not safe, she is not safe. Above all else, you always wanted to keep your sister safe, right? Your only family...

She looked at him and she saw no softness in his eyes. He wasn't going to give up, he was going his own way despite her pleas and requests. And still she wanted to change his mind. Give up this foolish vengeance. Why? she asked herself. What are you so afraid of? That he might not come back.

_That he might die._

- The hate that's in here, she walked closer and pressed her hand against his chest, she could feel his steady, strong heart beating against her palm. - Replace it with the affection you have for her.

They stood like that for a moment, silently. Lydia didn't dare look into his eyes. She had never been this close to him before. It felt oddly comforting, intimate, arousing. But she knew what he was like. He didn't need women, comfort or warmth.

Before he could grab her, touch her – for that was what he wanted now, to caress her soft skin, to feel her body against his - she turned away and walked to the door.

She didn't want to face him, she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes. But just as well she didn't see him, trying to reach out for her. His hand trembled when it was only few inches away from her shoulder. And as she walked out, for the first time he wished, she could have been more than just his housecarl.


	17. Chapter 17: I have darkness

**17. I have darkness**

As he walked out from the Dragonsreach, he heard his brother's steps behind him. But he didn't slow down. He didn't greet the guards, he didn't look around, he just kept going until he was at the training yard. Farkas followed him there, but he didn't try to stop him or get him to talk.

They both knew talking wouldn't help in this situation.

He took his armor off and tossed it aside. Then he pulled out his sword and struck the training dummies again and again. Despite the cold night air, he was sweating but not because of the exertion. His anger was boiling over.

- Are you going to destroy every dummy we have? Farkas asked him when he kept hitting even when the first two training stands were laying on the ground broken and torn.

He didn't answer. He kept hitting, over and over again but the feeling never left him. How powerless he felt. He hadn't been able to protect the one he loved. He hadn't been able to keep her safe, out of harm's way. And now, she was laying there, broken and destroyed, lost in her own nightmare worlds. She was beyond his reach, even if he tried to hold her, to comfort her, she would just probably shun away and hide from him.

- Leave the dummies alone, Farkas grabbed his arm and turned him around. - There's a live target here too.

- I don't want to hurt you, Vilkas grunted and yanked his arm away.

- You can try, Farkas grinned and pulled out his sword. - Just one piece of advice, brother. Leave your brains out of this one. Thinking isn't going to help you now.

Without warning Vilkas charged. Farkas saw it in his eyes, so he dodged and returned his strike with his sword. The steel clanked together and Farkas danced around his opponent. He realized that this was different than their usual sparring. He didn't mind few superficial wounds or scratches but he also knew that Vilkas didn't want to injure him. There was someone else he wanted to kill. Over and over again. But he had already torn the Orc to pieces, slowly and painfully. Farkas had never seen his brother so brutal, so cruel. Vilkas didn't torment his victims. He always made sure they died quick and painlessly.

He got out the way just in time when Vilkas swung his sword towards him. His eyes were burning, he was growling and roaring like a madman and the blood vessels in his arms were bulging. His muscles were tense and his teeth were bared and sharp. Vilkas charged him over and over again, without hesitation, without thinking about the consequences. And every time Farkas was able to ward him off, to dodge and to make sure neither of them were hurt or injured. He knew Vilkas was beyond reason, talking wouldn't help, he wouldn't even hear his voice. He didn't counter attack, he only defended himself.

He didn't know how long it took when he saw Vilkas starting to change. His neck grew thicker, his eyes turned yellow, his claws got sharper and his muscles cracked and stretched. Farkas threw his sword away, attacked his brother and tackled him to the ground. He pressed his whole weight against him, locked his arms against his body and pushed his head towards the rocky ground. He knew this was the most painful part of the transformation, no matter how many times it happened. There was another being inside your body, a massive beast that wanted to get out, rip you to pieces. When your bones cracked and your muscles and tendons stretched and grew. When all you could do was breath in short agonizing gasps trying to get as much air in your lungs as you could. But the worst part was being stuck in the middle of the transformation. You weren't a man nor a beast. For some reason your body couldn't do it, but your brain wanted to drive you there anyway. They kept bumping adrenaline in your blood, but all you could do was shout in agony and wait until it was over.

Like Vilkas was doing now.

Farkas couldn't remember when was the last time his brother had let this happen. Vilkas had always been in control, he always knew when to turn and when not. And lately, he didn't want to become the beast that often. He wanted to be a man, not an animal. Aela and Skjor sometimes asked to join them for a hunt and Farkas usually agreed but Vilkas didn't. It had been a long time since they had all been hunting together.

- You can get off me now, Vilkas said with a suppressed voice. - I'm alright.

- You sure? Farkas asked. - You know as well as I do that you can't turn here. In the woods, that's fine. Under the Skyforge, that's fine. But in the middle of Whiterun...

- I know, just get off me! Vilkas tried to push him away.

Farkas stood up but was ready to contain him again if he still wasn't in full control of himself. He pulled his brother up, he was dripping with sweat but the fierce look in his eyes was finally gone.

- You want to talk about it? Farkas asked and picked up his sword.

- What's there to talk about? Vilkas looked at him. - Talking isn't going to change anything.

- No, Farkas agreed. - But it might help. Isn't that what you always say? Try using your words before your sword. Sometimes words can be more powerful than any sword.

- When did I say that? Vilkas frowned and Farkas smiled.

- When we were just whelp and you always lost to me, Farkas grinned.

- Shut up, Vilkas smacked his brother in the back of his head. - Like there was a time when I lost to you. Keep dreaming, ice brain!

Mission accomplished, Farkas thought when his brother smiled a little. After today he had been afraid that Vilkas might never smile again. Not that he smiled very often, it was a kind of a special occasion when he did.

- You just need to be a little more patient, Farkas said when they climbed up the stone stairs and sat in one of the tables at the porch. - You've been patient for years, what's couple more days going to do.

Vilkas didn't answer. He looked up at the Dragonsreach. It wouldn't be just a few days, he knew it. Sura wasn't the kind of woman who would find strength and confidence for what had happened to her. It would probably just make her more timid, more shy and ashamed of herself.

And she would always remember the Orc. He would always be there, somewhere in the back of her head, laughing, grinning and repeating all the horrible things she had gone through.

- You love her, right? Farkas suddenly asked.

- Why do you ask? Vilkas frowned.

- You wouldn't be so angry if you didn't, Farkas said. - You love her, even though she's a Khajiit.

- So what? Vilkas snapped.

- That's good enough, Farkas smiled and stood up. – It's not like cross-species relationships are frowned upon. I for one have waited quite a long time to call her my sister-in-law. I know you are honorable, maybe a bit too much. The Jarl knows it too.

They sat together for a while, looking up at the sky that was dotted with stars. Finally, Farkas stood up and picked up his sword. - I think I'm heading to the Bannered Mare. Women love men who are just fresh out of battle. Or so I hear.

Vilkas chuckled, watched his brother walk down the stairs and over the yard. When he disappeared behind the corner, he stood up and walked back to the training yard. He picked up his armor and moaned as he bend down. His ribs were still soar and his muscles ached but other than that, he was feeling slightly better.

If one can feel any better in this situation, he thought as he walked inside. There was no one in the mead hall and he continued straight downstairs to his room. When he opened the door, he immediately saw the book on his table.

He had found it couple of days ago when he came back to Jorrvaskr. He and Farkas had been near Morthal, some bandit group was disturbing local farmers and stealing their livelihood. When they had returned, the book had been before his door. He felt kind of regretful that he hadn't been there when Sura had visited, but he thought there would probably be lots of opportunities in the future.

Now he doubted that. She would never again step in his room, she wouldn't come here to learn, share her feelings or memories. He had tossed the book to his table, he hadn't browsed it through and he hadn't noticed the neatly folded message between the pages.

He placed his armor in its stand and his sword in the weapons rack against the wall. He grabbed the book and was about to set it back on the shelf but the piece of paper between the pages glided to the floor. He picked it up and rolled it open. It contained only few lines and many of the words were misspelled but that didn't matter to him. What mattered was the message. The message that Sura had left him.

He staggered to his bed. His knees gave up and he collapsed. For a long time he only sat there, squeezing the note in his hand. He covered his eyes with his other hand and for the first time in his life, the tears broke through. He didn't make a sound, but his shoulders shook and he gasped for air. If he had known sooner...if he had read it sooner...he would have accompanied her to anywhere, anytime. And he would have done anything to prevent this from happening to her.

_"I have darkness. I have no memories. _

_No family. No past. _

_But I have you. _

_And you have my heart. You have my future._

_You are my family." _


	18. Chapter 18: First light of dawn

**18. First light of dawn**

_The big, muscular man was the first thing she saw when she climbed up the high stone stairs. She was squeezing a blue stuffed rabbit against her chest, it gave her little courage. The man had long, brown hair and a thick beard. She stopped at the top of the stairs and stared him with her round, blue eyes._

_- Well, look who's here, a nice looking woman saw her and kneeled down in front of her. - Aren't you a cute one? What's your name, little girl? _

_She didn't answer. She had no name. _

_The woman looked friendly and she wasn't afraid of her. She smiled to her and brushed her cheek with her hand. _

_- The Skyforge is no place for a child, the man said and his voice was low and deep. _

_- She seems interested, the woman said and followed her gaze. She was looking at the forge, how the sparks flew when the man was hitting the steel blade with the big hammer. - Does it look interesting, dear? _

_- Pang, pang, she pointed at the anvil. - It says pang, pang. _

_- Yes, it does, the woman laughed. - The hammer makes that sound as it hits the metal. _

_- What does it do to the metal? she asked and stepped closer. - Why it needs to be hit? _

_- To mold it, the woman said. - To make the metal into swords or shields or jewelry. _

_She was still holding the rabbit but now she was more interested of the glowing metal, it was hot and red like the setting sun and the sparks were like little stars that shone for a moment and then passed out. _

_She looked at the man who was using the hammer, he looked concentrated and a little angry. But he wasn't scary looking...not like..._

_There her thoughts ended. She didn't know who she was thinking, because there was no one she could see or remember. But she knew there had been a really scary person...someone she didn't want to see again. _

_- Want to try? the man asked suddenly. _

_She didn't hesitate. She tossed the rabbit aside and the man places a big wooden box before the anvil. He lifted her on top of it and then he guided her hands, the other grabbed the pliers and kept the hot metal in place, the other wrapped around the hammer. His big hands covered hers and he kept his pace slow and gentle. Small hits caused only small sparkles to fly. _

_She giggled and felt that the man behind her also laughed. He wasn't scary at all. The woman stood beside them and she smiled also. _

_She didn't hear the hurried steps in the stairs. A girl ran up to the forge, her brown hair was tangled and her green eyes were glinting._

_- Oh, here she is, Lydia sighed. - I thought I lost her. _

_- Is she your friend? the woman asked. _

_- She lives with us in the Dragonsreach, Lydia explained. - She's...family. I'm sorry if she disturbed you..._

_- Oh, no, the woman shook her head. - She's actually the first one who is interested in Eorlund's work. Our children aren't interested. Olfina only thinks about boys and Avulstein and Thorald are interested in sword fighting. _

_- If she wants, Eorlund said finally. - There's no reason why she...couldn't come here every now and then. _

_- Didn't you just said that the Skyforge isn't a place for a child? his wife remarked._

_- Can't a man change his mind, woman? Eorlund grunted. _

_- Of course, dear, his wife smiled. - Of course. _

* * *

><p>When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was the ceiling. It wasn't made of rock, it was wooden. And she wasn't laying on the cold stone floor but under soft, warm blankets. She moved her eyes from the ceiling to the door. <em>I am in the Dragonsreach<em>, she thought hazily. _If I'm here...then..._

As soon as she let her mind wonder, the fear jumped in. She looked around, frantically. _He isn't here_, she thought. She squeezed the blanket and her hands shook. But if he is...if he is here somehow...

She heard soft steps and even though they didn't resemble his heavy pace at all, she couldn't help herself. Her hands were trembling and she fought hard to keep herself calm.

- Sura? Lydia peeked in. - Are you awake?

- Ly..Lydia, she stuttered. Her friend rushed next to her and she grabbed her arms like her life depended on it. - Is...is...he he-here?

- You're safe now, Sura, Lydia calmed her. - No one is going to hurt you. I promise.

She backed away, wrapped her arms around her legs and stared at the door. She couldn't take her eyes away from it. _Lydia is lying_, she thought. _He is here_. _I know he is. I know he is! _

- Sura, Lydia took her cold hand into hers. - It's alright. He is dead.

Her words didn't sink in, they meant nothing to her. She remembered every detail, every gesture, every word and every sound the Orc had made. She even remembered his breath and the calluses in his rough hands. He wasn't dead. He was alive in her mind, in her memories. Her brain would keep him alive always. _Always_. Because her brain wouldn't let her forget.

- Lydia, Farengar stepped into the room and as soon as Sura saw him, she let out a fearful cry, backed even further away and covered her head with her hands.

- Sura, it's alright, Lydia tried. - It's only Farengar. You know him...

- Go away, Sura whined. - Go away. Don't let him near me. Don't...

It wasn't Farengar, it was the Orc who had somehow managed to take the court wizard's appearance. It was some weird transformation magic, something she had never experienced. He had killed Farengar and was now followed her to the Dragonsreach. He had managed to fool everyone.

Farengar watched the girl who was trembling at the corner of her bed, covering her head. The only sound she made was that wretched, terrified moan. This girl had never been afraid of him. But now she couldn't even look at him. He had seen the look in her eyes, she saw her tail curled up around her legs and her ears were drawn back.

Farengar left the room and walked back to his workroom. It seemed that for the first time in his life, the spells or the potions couldn't help him.

- Sura, Lydia tried again and touched her hand. - Please, believe me. You're safe now.

- I'm never safe, she cried. - Don't you see. He will always find me. He is always here, Sura pointed her head and tears rolled down her face. - He never dies, he never leaves me alone. For the rest of my life, I will always hear his laughter. And I will always remember what he did.

- It's alright, Lydia pulled her in her arms and tried to hold her own tears back. - You need to process what's happened. I understand that. But don't let him control you. Don't let him live. You have the power to finish him off.

Sura couldn't answer because she could only cry. Lydia hugged her and neither of them noticed that the Jarl and Farengar arrived at the door. The two men had never felt so helpless. They had seen and lived through many things. The war was still ravaging the land and now there were the Dragons too.

The Jarl had seen the horrors of the battlefields, he could never really forget them. He had seen all kinds of things, and he had always managed to help people, that's why he wanted to be the Jarl. To help those in need. But now - he couldn't do anything. He couldn't even comfort her, because it seemed that she didn't allow anyone else near her except Lydia. She was the only one Sura trusted.

- Good, Lydia smiled and wiped her tears. - It's a good thing you cry. You need to get it out of your system. Just cry, as much as you need, alright.

She nodded and looked down. She couldn't bring herself to smile yet, she had no reason to smile. Instinctively she lifted her hand to her neck, she had always found strength and comfort from her necklace. _But you lost it_, she remembered. _He took if from you! _But there it was, back in her neck. The same familiar shape under her fingers.

- How...? she asked.

- A friend of mine found it, Lydia explained. _A friend, indeed_, she thought. - I told him it was important to you, so he gave it back.

- I was sure I would never see it again, Sura whispered. - Thank you.

- Sura, Lydia began. - Do you know someone named...Zahraji?

- No, Sura answered. - Why do you ask?

- Does it sound familiar? Lydia enquired. - Like you might have heard that name before?

She shook her head. - Well, never mind then, Lydia waved her hand. - You still need to rest. Don't worry about it.

Lydia stood up. When she saw the fear in her friends eyes, she promised she wouldn't leave her. She sat to a small chair next to the bed and watched over her until she finally fell asleep. But even then, she didn't move. She was thinking about what J'Ziir had told her. About his sister, that she had been pushed to a river.

She remembered the day when they had found Sura. She was standing in the middle of the road. She had a blue dress with little white flowers on it. She had been completely wet, her fur was dirty and it was filled with pine needles and dead leaves. But even then, she had the necklace.

And she remembered that the jewel had been brighter back then. It shone in the dark, it glowed and sparkled. Like it was enchanted. Filled with magic. But over the years, the glow had disappeared. Now it was no more than a beautiful golden pendant.

But Lydia wondered what else was hidden in Sura's and J'Ziir's past. And what had really happened all those years ago?


	19. Chapter 19: Too hard to forget

**19. Too hard to forget**

The life in the Dragonsreach was as normal as it could be. The days passed by, the Jarl received visitors, Irileth was still on her guard, Farengar worked in his laboratory and Proventus Avenicci helped the Jarl in day to day, mostly rather trivial matters.

But Sura didn't leave her room.

The maids took food to her because she didn't even go to the kitchen to eat. If they hadn't taken anything to her, she might have starved herself. After the first few days, she had fallen into her own world. Lydia was the only one who got through to her. But even she was locked outside the sturdy, unbreakable walls Sura had built around her.

The once so young and happy girl they all knew and liked, had disappeared. She lived as a prisoner to her own memories, she only slept when she was too tired to stay awake and many nights she woke the whole reach with her piercing, agonizing screams. Farengar didn't dare to wake her anymore, he had once tried but she had gotten so scared that she had clawed three deep gashes in his arms and one across his face.

When she had nightmares, Lydia was the only one who dared to wake her. And afterwards Sura was always deeply regretful and sorry to have awaken everyone else. But she was also scared. She sat in the corner of her bed, stared the wall and her body trembled. She had lost weight and her skinny appearance made Lydia even more worried. And because she didn't go outside, she didn't really take care of herself anymore, her fur wasn't like it used to be. It wasn't shiny and groomed, it wasn't even that white anymore. The old Sura had always wanted to take care of her fur, she liked its white color and she wanted to keep it clean and neat.

After one of those nights, Lydia talked to her father and to the Jarl. She wanted to help her friend, but she didn't know how. Nothing seemed to help and her nightmares didn't leave her alone.

- Danica has been here many times, Lydia said. - But even she hasn't been able to offer any advice. There isn't a potion that can cure her mind. Her memories haunt her.

- She is afraid of men, the Jarl sighed. - She's afraid to leave her room. Isn't there a way we could coax her outside? Even just to the porch?

- It would be a start, Lydia agreed. - I can try, but I can't promise anything. But there is another problem...

- Now what? Jarl Balgruuf asked.

- The Dragonborn wants to leave the city, Lydia said. - I have no idea where he is going, he hasn't told me. But it seems that I must follow him. And when I'm gone, there is no one here to take care of her.

Jarl Balgruuf shook his head. - What can we do?

- I have an idea, Lydia looked at them. - There is a Dunmer at the Drunken Huntsman. She is a mercenary, but she seems honorable and strong and she is willing to serve the one that pays the prize. I know, her fee is quite high. But if Sura had someone, a woman preferably, to protect her and follow her around, maybe she could...open up again.

- That could be a solution, Hrongar admitted. - Something we should consider.

- Hmm, the Jarl nodded. - What's this woman's name?

- Janessa, Lydia said. - I don't think she is employed now. And I believe that she is asking her fee only once. But I suggest that you pay her a little more because she would probably have to look after her almost around the clock.

- Yes, the Jarl nodded. - Yes, that sounds good. Lydia, when exactly are you and the Dragonborn leaving?

- Honestly, I don't know, Lydia admitted. - He's kind of...unclear with his plans.

- Well, would you go talk to this woman and bring her here, Jarl Balgruuf stood up from his chair. - I need to see her myself and hear what she thinks about the idea.

Lydia smiled, nodded and left the Dragonsreach. She had thought about Janessa for quite some time now. The Dunmer did seem strong and pride but Lydia believed she wouldn't turn down the Jarl's offer. As she crossed the Wind District, she glanced towards the Jorrvaskr. She wasn't sure did Vilkas know about Sura's condition, but she was grateful that at least for now, he stayed away.

But Vilkas wasn't the only one who was interested in Sura. At the Market she once again had to stop and tell Fralia the latest news. Arcadia also came out from her shop and Carlotta and Mila gathered around. Most of Whiterun's women seemed to like the Khajiit girl and were very fond of her.

After a while she continued to the Drunken Huntsman. The Dunmer was sitting at her table like most days. She stopped in front of her and greeted her. Her voice was deep and calm, it seemed that she had seen her share of the world. Lydia explained that the Jarl of Whiterun would like to meet her and she seemed quite surprised by the news. But she followed her without questions.

When the Jarl explained things in detail to her, she didn't move nor interrupt him. Nothing in her face revealed what she really thought about the idea and she allowed the Jarl to finish his speech before she said anything.

- So, Janessa started. - This girl was badly hurt. She is afraid of almost everyone and now she needs someone to look after her. And to encourage her, is that it?

- Yes, that's it, the Jarl nodded.

- And may I ask, Janessa said. - What makes you think that I would be able to do it? Didn't you already say that she was afraid of your bodyguard who is also a Dunmer. Why do you think she would trust me?

- I don't think she will, the Jarl agreed. - But I would feel lot better myself if there is someone near her. She doesn't let anyone else close to her, except Lydia here. But Lydia has her own duties. I am willing to pay you a good amount of gold for this. I'm not asking you to be her friend. I'm asking you to be her bodyguard.

The Dunmer didn't reply. She seemed to think the his words and then she finally glanced towards Farengar's workroom. - Is her room over there?

The Jarl nodded. - She doesn't want to leave it. At least not yet.

- Alright, Janessa accepted. - You pay me my fee and we have a deal.

- Excellent, Jarl Balgruuf seemed relieved. - I'm am willing to pay a little more than the fee you asked. And of course as long as you are her bodyguard, I will pay you regularly.

The Dunmer seemed satisfied. - Can I see her? Since I am now her bodyguard, it would be good for me to get to know her.

- Of course, the Jarl said. - Lydia will take you there.

- No need, Janessa looked at Lydia. - I think I can find the way.

Calmly she walked through the court wizard's workroom and greeted him. Then she opened the door to Sura's room. For a moment, she just watched her from the door.

The girl was sitting on her bed. Her arms were wrapped around her feet, she was wearing a worn out grey dress and that made her look even more pale and nonexistent. Her eyes were empty and emotionless. Janessa knew that look. She had experienced the same fear. But back then there was no one to help her. She had to go through it all alone. And partly because of her own memories, she had agreed to help even though this wasn't what she usually did.

She stepped inside and the girl moved her eyes from the wall to her. She noticed that her body became stiff, her ears flattened and her eyes grew larger. She sensed the fear, the anxiety, the desperation. All those feelings were so familiar to her.

- Hello, she greeted and sat down to a chair. - I'm Janessa. The Jarl has hired me as your bodyguard. From now on I'll be wherever you are.

Her voice was low, calm and tranquil. The girl didn't say anything, but she pulled her dress down and shifted a little further way. She eyed her suspiciously but Janessa saw she wasn't as nervous as a moment before.

- Want to go for a walk? Janessa suggested and stood up. She saw her eyes flare up and her body began to tremble. - To the porch? I hear there's a wonderful view from up there. And the weather is quite nice, it's warm and sunny. I heard you like the summer.

- I...I don't...

- Nothing is going to happen to you when you're with me, Janessa grabbed her hand gently and softly. - You can be sure of that. See this sword. If anyone tries to come near to you, I won't hold back.

- Idolaf had a sword too, Sura whispered but she didn't pull her hand away. Janessa's grip was strong and reassuring. It reminded her of Eorlund's hands, the first time he had guided her smaller hands with the hammer and the anvil. His hands had been very gentle despite his size and his strength.

- You can trust my sword, Janessa promised and helped Sura up. She didn't pull her of force her, she just assisted her to take the first step. That was always the hardest. But it was something that this girl needed to take. - Let's go, she smiled to Sura, squeezed her hand a little and guided her to the door.

Farengar didn't say anything when they came out of the room but he was amazed. This was the first time in days since he had seen the girl leave the room. Sura didn't look around, she just clang to her bodyguards arm and allowed her to guide her. When they passed the guards, she froze to her feet. She was having difficulties to breathe. _It's him!_ her mind yelled. _Under that mask...it's him! _

Janessa wrapped her arm around her shoulder and gently coaxed her to move on. The Jarl and his brother smiled as they saw them and Lydia had tears in her eyes.

They climbed up the stairs and Janessa opened the big doors to the Great Porch of the Dragonsreach. The cool wind blew over and for the first time in days Sura felt something else than just fear and suffocation. The brisk spring air made her lift her head up and look around. Janessa walked her to the railing and they stood there together for some time.

- It's true what they say, the Dunmer smiled. - It's pretty fantastic view indeed.

- Yes, Sura agreed. She had always like the view but now it didn't seem so spectacular. She couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was someone looking at her, waiting for the right moment to attack. She glanced around and saw the guards walking around.

Five guards, she counted. If they attack us, Janessa won't be able to hold them all back. And if one of them is the Ocr...

- How are you feeling? the Dunmer asked when she noticed her nervousness.

- There are...men here, she whispered. - They have masks and one of them might be..._him_. If he has managed to come here, if he is one of the guards. If they attack us, there is nothing we can do. Please, let's just go back inside.

Janessa saw her distress and she turned to look at the guards. The Jarl had explained that one the men that had tormented the girl was a big Orc. And her nightmares and memories revolved mostly around him. And all the time she was afraid that the Orc was at the reach.

- Hey, you! she yelled at guard closest to them. - Take off your helmet!

- I'm not allowed to do that, the guard answered.

She didn't listen to him. She smiled to Sura, walked up the guard and yanked out his helmet. Underneath was a confused and rather angry looking blond man. - You see, she turned back to the Khajiit. - Just a Nord. No Orcs here. Want me to check the rest as well?

Sura was relieved to see the man's face but his presence didn't made her feel any better. His was still a man and could attack her at any moment. Janessa called out the rest of guards and as they gathered around, she pulled out their helmets one by one. Underneath all of them was a Nord, a blond, a brunette, an angry looking one or just an irritated one. But they were all Nords, no doubt about that. Everyone of them threatened to complain to the Jarl as she ordered them to get out from the porch. Her voice was stern and she didn't allow arguments.

When they stood alone at the porch, just her and Janessa, Sura felt a moment of peace for the first time in days. She closed her eyes and allowed the wind to caress her face.


	20. Chapter 20: You know I will follow

**20. You know I will follow**

- I told you to stay behind! J'Ziir growled. - You could have just waited at the inn, woman!

- I...am your...sword and your...shield, Lydia panted and leaned against a huge rock.

- You're more like a heavy burden to bear, J'Ziir looked at her. - And how come your so tired already? We just left. You can still see the village. Just turn back.

- Never, Lydia wiped her face. - I'll manage. Now that you have finally agreed to come here. I'm never going to turn back. And besides, she glanced at him - Didn't you see how that Innkeeper stared at me?

- What? J'Ziir rolled his eyes.

- Yes, Lydia nodded. - He stared at...this part, she pointed at her chest.

- I wonder why, J'Ziir asked sarcastically. - When there is nothing to see.

- What do you mean by that? Lydia grabbed his arm and gasped. - You mean you've been looking too?

- No, J'Ziir yanked his arm away. - Your armor covers most of your body. Unless he used some sort of weird magic to see through your armor I don't see the point at staring.

- You think...that's possible? Lydia covered her chest with her hands.

J'Ziir sighed and turned away. He looked up, the stairs seemed to continue on and on. 7000 steps, that's what they were called. And how many had they climbed? Barely thirty, because Lydia had started to whine almost immediately when they set of from Ivarstead.

They had arrived at the Inn late last night. J'Ziir had only mentioned that he was leaving Whiterun, he didn't expect Lydia to follow him. But she had appeared at the stables right at the time that he was preparing to leave. He told her to stay behind but she didn't seem to listen. Or more like, she didn't want to listen. The Innkeeper was interested to see some new people going through the quiet little village.

- Your wife? the owner asked when Lydia was almost glued to his side.

- My slave, J'Ziir answered and paid for two rooms.

- His housecarl, Lydia corrected and nearly punched him in his arm.

More like a burden, J'Ziir thought again as he looked at her panting and leaning against the rock.

- Let's go, he said angrily.

- Wait, Lydia raised her hand. - I'll...be right behind you, my Thane.

They climbed in silence for a while. The only voice J'Ziir heard was his _housecarl's _heavy breathing and her irregular steps. Every now and then he glanced back to make sure she was still there. After a while, the clouds gathered in and it was starting to snow. J'Ziir was wearing his new leather armor, but he had kept the sleeves this time. He didn't really like to cold, but he had gotten used to it over the years. He had hardened himself against it. He had no choice.

- My...Thane! Lydia's voice came out somewhere from the snowstorm. J'Ziir stopped and turned around. He didn't see her, because the blizzard was suddenly so blinding but he did hear her. He walked back, navigating with the sounds that she made. After a while, he found her standing in the middle of the path, looking lost and a little scared.

- Hold my tail! J'Ziir commanded. - So I don't have to go looking for you again.

Lydia didn't reply. She tried to grab his tail but it swung angrily back and forth. When she finally got hold of it, J'Ziir sneered. - Don't squeeze it of pull it. If you do, I'm going to push you off the mountain myself.

Lydia glared at him and pinched his tail purposefully. He didn't react, much to her annoyance. He took the lead and started to stride up the mountain side again. He didn't slow down even when she was panting and wheezing and trying her best to keep up. He pulled her along, dragged her up some parts. The snowstorm was ruthless. They could barely see in front of them. They couldn't see the sky, but J'Ziir remembered they had left Ivarstead quite early in the morning and he was hoping they would get to the top of the mountain before dark. But at this pace, he glanced over his shoulder. _It's hopeless..._

- Are...we...there yet? Lydia breathed and her voice was filled with hope.

- Have you been counting the steps? J'Ziir grunted. - Is it 7000 already?

- I thought...that you would do it, Lydia murmured. - I have just been...

- Having difficulties to breath, I get it, J'Ziir interrupted her. - Let's move on. We still have quite a climb ahead of us.

- Can't we just...take a break? Lydia begged. - Just for a moment.

- And freeze to death? Does that sound better? J'Ziir looked at her. - Why don't you just turn back? Wait for me at the Inn.

- I'll be fine, Lydia grit her teeth and squeezed his tail. - Just lead on!

They continued to climb higher. The stone stairs were covered with snow, but the road up was still visible. There seemed to be no one else on this pilgrimage. The Innkeeper in Invarstead had mentioned that people sometimes climbed up the mountain, but it seemed that today J'Ziir and Lydia were only ones up here. Lydia noticed some huge stone pillars along the path which had writing in them. She tried her hardest to get J'Ziir slow down and read the information. But he was determined, didn't slow down and pulled Lydia along. In fact, he didn't even seem to hear her. So Lydia decided to keep her mouth shut. But soon she was having difficulties to breathe again.

After some time the path became even harder to see and the snow became deeper and deeper. Soon they were wading through the snow, with every step their feet sank in. J'Ziir was wondering why would anyone, anyone want to come up here. Even for a pilgrimage. I should have never come here, he thought as he pushed through the snow. I should have never let that woman coax me into this. And by that _woman_, he meant his housecarl. Are you thinking her as a woman now? he asked himself. Isn't she just a slave? An irritation? A problem? A nuisance? Yes, she is, he agreed. She's all those things. But still she doesn't deserve to die up here.

The path followed the steep mountain side and cold, freezing wind was blowing up and down the snow embankment. He had to be careful not to step too close to the edge, he didn't want to take one false step, fall to his death and pull Lydia along. Her hands must have already frozen around his tale.

He sighed from relief when the path lead to a small valley which offered some shelter from the wind and storm. High rock walls towered above them and the snow was packed and harder. It was easier to stand on. Momentarily he wondered why it was so. Were there really so many climbers? _Or was there...?_

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud grunting and roaring. He was completely unprepared and didn't have time to react when the white, colossal monster charged forward. Its arms were thick and muscular, it's teeth sharp and pointy. Its fur was completely white and so it was hard to spot in its snowy kingdom. J'Ziir tried to push Lydia aside, but she was too exhausted and blinded by the snow. The troll swung its huge paw and they both landed back first against the hard rock wall. All the air from his lungs was pushed out and his head felt dizzy and his mind unfocused. But he saw the monster turn and head towards them.

- Lydia! J'Ziir yelled and shook her. - Wake up! Open your eyes, woman!

- What...? she mumbled and J'Ziir grabbed her and tossed her aside when the troll attacked. But once again, he took the full blow of its paw. Its sharp claws ripped his arm open and he felt the warm blood on his skin.

- Lydia! he yelled, rolled on to his feet and pulled his axe out. - Get your bow ready! Shoot it! He wasn't sure had Lydia heard him, was she even conscious, but their situation seemed very grim and he needed her help now more than ever. _Isn't it your duty to protect me? _he thought sarcastically. _Well, woman. You seem to take it pretty seriously!_

The troll roared aggressively and closed in on him. He noticed his back was against the rock wall and if he didn't get a good hit on to a sensitive spot, he would probably suffer a bigger injury, even a painful bite. In that short moment he remembered everything he had read from these creatures. Big, powerful, fast. Brutal, thick skinned, merciless. Only weakness: fire. But he didn't have fire. He didn't have spells nor staffs.

He tried to position himself so that the certain injury would be as small as possible. Because there was no way of avoiding it now. He readied his axes, chose a spot to land his first strike and waited. The troll rushed forward, and just as it was about to strike him, an arrow hit its shoulder from behind. The troll roared and stumbled back. That was enough for J'Ziir to roll out of its way. Another arrow flew through the air, but this time it didn't hit the troll, it almost nailed his shoulder to the rock wall.

- Watch where you're shooting! he shouted to Lydia.

- Sorry, she yelled back. - It's hard to tell you two apart.

_Right_, he thought. _You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? To punish me! _

The next arrow Lydia shot also missed the troll but it wasn't meant for him either. As Lydia kept shooting and trying to hit the moving target, J'Ziir used his axes. He sliced the troll in the back, but a small scratch only seemed to irritate the beast. It swung its massive paws and luckily he was able to duck down in time. Without hesitation he jumped up and sank both of his axes into its chest. Blood and fat spilled out but still it didn't seem like the troll got any weaker but the damage his did.

- I'm out of arrows! Lydia shouted.

- Then use your sword! J'Ziir ordered. - Isn't that what you are? My sword and shield!

As Lydia attacked the troll from behind, hacking and mutilating its back, J'Ziir targeted its legs. It didn't take them that long to bring the beast to its knees, it was already loosing blood from the gashes it had in its chest. As J'Ziir sliced its throat and it fell to the ground, they were both gasping and heaving.

- You tried to hit me, didn't you? J'Ziir panted and looked at Lydia. - What kind of housecarl...wishes to kill her Thane?

- No, Lydia shook her head and fell to the ground. - I just...I have never been that good with bow and arrow. And it was really hard to tell you apart...

- Really? J'Ziir looked at the troll. - Really? Are you serious? Look at its size. It's two times bigger than me. And you say it's hard to tell us apart.

- But the snow blinded me and...

- Never mind! J'Ziir waved his hand. - Let's get moving.

- I...I don't think I can, Lydia sighed. - I'm so tired. Just go on without me.

- What do you expect me to do? J'Ziir asked. - Want to me to skin the troll, wrap its fur around you and leave you here to take a nap?

- That sounds like a great idea, Lydia admitted and giggled. - Want to join me? It bet we could warm each other up...

- Have you lost your mind? J'Ziir frowned. - Get on your feet.

Lydia tried but again and again she fell back to the ground. She was gasping for air and her limbs trembled from exhaustion. J'Ziir continued on but when he saw she wasn't following, he returned to her, grabbed her hand and lifted her on his back.

- At least try to hold on, he said and for the first time Lydia didn't hear anger or annoyance in his voice. It was almost...caring. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

The Kahjiit was strong, she felt his muscles move under his skin. He carried her forward even when the snow once again covered the path and the wind nearly blew them off the mountain. Lydia was almost unconscious, but still she held on. Her eyes couldn't really see anything, only J'Ziir's ears and his back. She noticed the old scars in the back of his head and down his neck and wondered where he had gotten all those. Was his whole body covered with scars? His fur was thick and furry but at some point she thought she noticed that there was a clear mark around his neck, like a circle going around, where the fur was thinner and greyer. It seemed that something had pressed against his neck and stopped the fur from growing.

- Look, Lydia, J'Ziir interrupted her thoughts. - There's a huge building ahead. I think we made it.

- Thank the Gods, Lydia sighed.

He stumbled on towards the massive monastery and now they both saw the steep stone steps that lead to two iron doors. J'Ziir didn't stop thinking which door was the right one, he only wanted to get inside, get away from this blasted storm. At the door he lifted Lydia a little higher on his back, leaned forward and pushed the door open.

Silence greeted them. He faltered inside and slammed the door behind him. Lydia was completely motionless and quiet, she must have passed out, he thought. He saw and old man approach them.

- So, the Dragonborn appears, at this moment of the turning of the age...

- Hold it, old man! J'Ziir interrupted him. - Just let me rest for a while. This stone floor looks really...really cozy.

He felt Lydia weighing him down. He had used all of his own strength in the last steps. He leaned against the wall and slid down the floor. His eyes closed and he was fast asleep long before he hit the floor.


	21. Chapter 21: Bleeding memories

**21. Bleeding memories**

When the Orc stepped in the longhouse, Sura's knees almost gave up. Her breathing became irregular and her hands began to tremble. She couldn't look at him. She grabbed Janessa's hand and moved behind her.

She knew it wasn't _him_. And still she saw him almost everywhere she looked. But as the days passed and the warm summer winds swept across the city she had learnt to hide her real feelings. Her fear didn't leave her, her dreams didn't leave her. _He_ didn't leave her. But when she realized that everyone wanted and waited for her to get better and to forget, she started to pretend. She smiled a little more, she took care of herself, she ate and tried to sleep. And she saw how they all were silently relieved. She wasn't completely sure did Janessa believed her, but she didn't say anything.

Only when she was alone - late in the evening, when she couldn't close her eyes, when she only stared at the wall and relived the nightmare over and over again - only then she allowed her hands to tremble and the tears to fall. During the days when she walked around the reach, she squeezed her hands together so that no one would see how much she would have wanted to run away. She was still terrified of the guards no matter how many times Janessa ordered them to remove their helmets. The Jarl eventually heard about her fear for the guards and without hesitation he ordered them to wear helmets where their faces could be seen. It helped a little, but not much. They were all still men.

The Orc walked to the Jarl, bowed and presented himself. He was the bodyguard of three Bards who were sent from Solitude, from the Bards College. Jarl Elisif the Fair wanted to congratulate his friend - Jarl Balgruuf - on his birthday. As the bards walked into the reach, the Jarl stood up from his chair and glanced at the Orc.

- Do you think this is the best time to celebrate a birthday? he asked and was clearly irritated.

- Jarl Elisif assumed you would say that, the Orc answered. - She asked me to tell you that even among all the sorrow and sadness, there should at least be some happiness in our lives. We should not forget or bury everything good because of this war.

- It is not only war that threatens us, Jarl Balgruuf said.

- You are right, my Jarl, the Orc bowed. - Elisif the Fair has also heard of the dragons. But there is hope, she said. She knows about the Dragonborn. When we have such a hero among us, isn't there at least one more reason to celebrate.

- A hero, indeed, Jarl Balgruuf murmured. - Very well. What are your orders, Orsimer?

- Jarl Elisif sent these Bards to entertain in your birthday celebration, the Orc answered. - My duty was to get them here safely.

- A birthday party, Jarl Balgruuf sighed. - What nonsense. But very well, Elisif is right. We shouldn't concentrate only on the bad things. Proventus, the Jarl turned towards his Steward. - When is my birthday?

- The day after tomorrow, my Jarl, Proventus Avenicci said.

- I'll leave all the details to you then, the Jarl said. - I'm sure you know who to invite so I don't need to bother with that.

- Very well, my Jarl, Proventus bowed. - I will do as you have instructed.

A party? Sura thought and immediately felt distressed. So many people here. It would be easy for _him_ to blend in with the crowd. I can't be here then. I can't. I can't!

She didn't notice how the Jarl approached her until he was right in front of her. His presence, his shadow nearly made her jump, to run away and hide but she raised her eyes to look at him and once again forced her fear somewhere deep inside. It bounced like a ball inside her and she had to keep swallowing to be able to hear what he said.

- So, it seems we must have a party then, the Jarl smiled. - I would like to see you smile and have fun at that night. To forget what's happened to you and start enjoying life again. Proventus will invite the Companions as well. I heard that there is someone among them that you might want to meet.

- I'll try, Sura murmured but that was all she could say. The idea that she would have to see Vilkas made her feel even worse. _Why would he want to look at me anymore? _she thought._ After I'm...destroyed and spoiled. Damaged._

The Jarl brushed her cheek and his soft touch almost made her wince. She clenched her hands into tight fists so that her claws dig into her palms. The Jarl smiled to her, turned and headed upstairs but she couldn't move. The Orc was still at the longhouse. And as long as he was there, she wouldn't be able to walk.

Janessa saw her reaction and once again she wrapped her arms around her shoulder and guided her forward. When they passed him, Sura was sure she would either faint or scream.

_Keep it in! _she told herself. _It's not him! It's not him! He is dead!_

* * *

><p>Few hours later Janessa left to visit the Market. She needed to see Adrianne at the Warmaiden's. Her sword needed some sharpening but she hadn't had the time to take it there before. Sura nodded and as Janessa left she sat in her bed and wrapped her arms around her legs. She didn't feel comfortable about the party. And the fact that the Companions were coming...that Vilkas was coming...<p>

Don't think about that yet, she told herself. You still have couple of days to get used to the idea of seeing him again.

She hadn't seen him since...when was the last time?

_The kiss. _

That she remembered.

She also remembered how it made her feel. What it was like having him so close and feeling his arms and his touch. And his lips. She had almost buried those feelings because she had been so engulfed by the horrible memories. There are some good things in this life, she told herself. You just need to remember those moments. Just hold on to those moments, don't let them be buried and forgotten.

She glanced towards her little chest. She hadn't opened that in ages, but it didn't contain much anyway. The first dagger she made in Skyforge which was dull and useless and kind of ugly too. Couple of potions, some moonstones and the blue sapphire which she and Lydia had found in their last adventure.

One blue, small dress and an ugly, dirty stuffed rabbit.

The rabbit she had discarded, she didn't like the way it looked. With the other eye missing and other ear almost loose it looked sad and depressing and she was afraid of the memories it might bring up. She had buried the rabbit deep in her chest, under the dress and she never took it out or looked at it.

But her dress. The one she had been wearing when they found her. The dress she didn't even remember. She didn't know who had bought it to her. It was a blue dress with white flowers. When she had come to Dragonsreach all those years ago, she used to hold it and carry it with her almost everywhere, hoping that it would unlock her memories and tell her where she came from. But that never happened.

She stood up and walked to the chest. She opened it slowly and took the dress out. The rabbit laid underneath it, its face against the floor and she didn't even glance it. She hadn't remembered that the dress was still this dirty. Of course, she thought. You didn't want to wash it. You thought it had some magic that would disappear if it was clean.

The blue fabric was filled with big brown spots and it smelled old and decayed. She moved her hands through the hem and caressed it gently.

_"That's one ugly dress."_

_"It's not ugly! It's pretty!"_

She was startled by the voices in her head. They were clearly children's voices. The boy spoke teasingly and mockingly, the little girl answered back with fearsome stubbornness. She looked at the dress and for a moment she pushed everything bad somewhere in the back of her mind. She pressed her cheek against the soft cloth and smiled. _I might remember more, if I try harder, I might remember._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud voices coming from the longhouse. At first she didn't understand what was going on but then she clearly heard Lydia's voice. In her heart she was happy that Lydia had arrived safely and allright. She and J'Ziir had been away over two weeks and no one in Dragonsreach or in Whiterun knew exactly where they were.

Sura stood up and walked silently to the her door. Janessa wasn't here so she was more nervous than usual to go out by herself. She squeezed the dirty dress in her hand and it gave her some strength. _There's only Lydia and the Jarl and Hrongar. Nothing to be afraid of!_ Her breathing became irregular but she forced herself to walk out of the door. Farengar wasn't in his workroom and quietly she sneaked across the room and to the big doors that lead to the longhouse. The Jarl was sitting at his chair, Lydia stood before him and her Thane leaned casually against one of the tables. He looked more than bored.

- I'm glad you two have returned safely, the Jarl said. - If I understand correctly, you went to High Hrothgar, he looked at J'Ziir. - And they Greybeards confirmed that you are the Dragonborn, isn't that right?

- It seems so, J'Ziir nodded. - Unfortunately.

- Well, then we have one more reason to celebrate, the Jarl said. - You are both of course welcome to the party we are arranging.

- A party? J'Ziir sneered. - Is this the perfect time to be partying?

- You are right, Dragonborn, the Jarl agreed. - But the people of Whiterun wish to celebrate my birthday. Who am I to stop them? And...I can imagine that there are many, many people who wish to meet and to speak with the famous Dragonborn.

- That doesn't really interested me, J'Ziir stated. - I think I will skip the party.

- No, you won't! Lydia snapped at him and turned to the Jarl. - Naturally we will both attend. I'll make sure of that.

Much to Sura's surprise the male Khajiit only shrugged his shoulders and leaned back. He had clearly changed, he was no longer the angry, hateful person she had seen before. Was he actually listening to Lydia? And how did Lydia dared to talk to him like that?

- Now, how is Sura doing? Lydia asked that Jarl.

- I would like to believe she's better, the Jarl sighed. - But she is still very scared even though she tries to hide her feelings. Janessa has done good for her, she tries her best to encourage her. But we all know this is a slow process.

Sura felt more than guilty and she lowered her gaze. They had all seen through her pretense. They had all understood her real feelings even when she tried her best to pretend that nothing was wrong. That everything had been forgotten and buried. She swallowed and raised her eyes.

Her gaze met the eyes of the male Khajiit. He looked at her, not angrily, not hatefully, but interested. His raised his other eyebrow and it made his face look mysterious and cryptic. What is he thinking? Sura thought. Why is he looking at me like that? In the past few weeks she had always felt nervous and scared when someone - _when a man_ - was looking at her. But surprisingly his gaze didn't make her feel uncomfortable. There was something there...something reached out to her. Something warm and familiar. She couldn't understand it, but just his eyes made her beating heart calm down. She walked to the hall and circled the table. Lydia heard her steps, turned around and smiled.

- Sura! she rushed to her and hugged her. - It's good to you see again. You look so much better.

- Hey, Lydia, she greeted. J'Ziir didn't look at her anymore and she was surprised by her emotions. What just happened?

- That's one ugly dress, J'Ziir said suddenly and Sura's eyes widened.

- What are you talking about? Lydia turned to look at him. - For once, can't you just keep your nasty remarks to yourself.

- I wasn't talking to you, J'Ziir snapped and passed them. He stopped at the stairs and looked at Lydia. - And no, don't follow me. For once, I just want to be alone.

- Whatever you want, my Thane, Lydia grimaced.

_How did he know?_ Sura felt like her feet were suddenly nailed to the floor. Did he know? Does he know? Has he seen this dress somewhere? Has he seen me? Does he know me? _Does he know who I am?_

* * *

><p>"<em>That's one ugly dress!"<em>

_"It's not ugly! It's pretty! Ma! J'Ziir is teasing me again!"_

J'Ziir walked down the stairs and stopped at the Wind District. He was having difficulties to breath. _Is it her?_ _Could it be?_ She had reacted to his comment, her eyes widened...she might remember.

That dress - it was Raji's dress. There was no doubt about it. The same dress she was wearing that day when their whole family had been killed. He remembered it clearly, the white small flowers in the sky blue fabric.

Don't get ahead of yourself, he thought. Just think it through. If it's not her, there is no reason to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. After all, you were always sure that she died. There is no way she could have survived. But if...if she had...

For a moment, he allowed his mind to wander. If it's her...my sister...my Raji. Had she survived the fall and the river? How had she not drowned? She was living here, among these Nords. She considered this her home. She didn't remember her family, her mother and father. She didn't remember her own brother.

If it's true, Lydia is right, he thought. Skyrim was her home. And if Skyrim wasn't safe, she wouldn't be safe either.

And there was the man she loved, he looked towards Jorrvaskr. The _Nord_ she loved. The Nord who loved her. The man wearing the wolf armor. The man who's eyes were grey and merciless. Who seemed to be much more than just a man.

_"And what's your reason for trying to kill me? You love her too?"_

_"I do."_

He looked at the mead hall and out of curiosity he wandered up the stairs. The door wasn't locked and he didn't hesitate to go inside. Things seemed pretty heated up. Two warriors, a Dunmer and a Nord woman were fighting in the middle of room. Others of this skilled group were just standing around, cheering and yelling. J'Ziir stood at the door and the fight seemed to be over rather quickly. The strong Nord woman punched the Dunmer to the ground, looked at him with contempt and walked away. The Dunmer didn't seem too offended, he got up, brushed his arms and smiled. Only friendly sparring, nothing more.

A bald, one eyed man was standing near the doorway and J'Ziir remembered him. He had been one of the warriors that day when he had killed the dragon. He also noticed the read haired woman, she was talking with another member of the Companions. He recognized him too. It was the brother of the grey-eyed man.

J'Ziir walked closer and the woman saw him and smiled. He didn't answer to her smile but walked up to her and stood beside her.

- Well, interesting to see you here, Dragonborn, the woman said and extended her hand. - Welcome to Jorrvaskr. I'm Aela. This is Farkas.

Reluctantly he shook their hands. He didn't really care for needless small talk, he looked around to see if the grey-eyed Nord was around.

- Looking for someone? Farkas asked when he saw him glancing around.

- No, he said. - Just curious.

- Are you planning to join the Companions? Aela inquired. - Are you a hunter or a warrior?

- I have no interest in your little club, he replied. - Just looking around.

- Suit yourself, Farkas grunted and walked away. He headed to the other side of the hall and J'Ziir saw an older man standing near the stairs that led downstairs. The old man watched him, his one good eye was clear and piercing.

- I was impressed how you took down that dragon, Aela said to him. - I have hunted almost all the beasts in Skyrim...

- Good, then you know how dangerous they can be when irritated, J'Ziir interrupted her.

He saw anger flash in her eyes, but she kept it under control. She shrugged her shoulder, turned around and walked away. He didn't care much for her feelings. The grey-eyed Nord wasn't around so he headed towards the door. No reason to linger.

- You're leaving? the old Nord walked up to him. - Without even taking a good look around?

- I'm not here to join your party, old man, J'Ziir said. - I was just...

- You are looking for Vilkas, he said. - He is downstairs if you wish to speak with him.

- Why would I want to talk to him? J'Ziir immediately grew suspicious. How did the old man know why he was here?

- Because of Sura, of course, he answered. - You both have feelings for the girl. He has a connection with her and so do you. Aren't you interested to know what you two have in common?

J'Ziir looked at him, his ears drew back and his tail swiped from side to side. What does he know? He knows something that I don't.

- I'll be downstairs if you are interested to talk or maybe even join the Companions, the old man said.

- I told you, I'm not here for that, J'Ziir repeated.

- I'll be down, nevertheless, he smiled and walked away. Is he expecting me to follow him? J'Ziir thought. And oddly enough he did want to follow, to know more, to hear more. Hear all he had to say, all he had to tell. But after his escape he had never let anyone control him - he hated being controlled. He grit his teeth and turned away. He didn't have anything to say to the old man, he didn't belong here.

And his foolish idea that the Khajiit girl was Raji, well, that's just your heart talking. And this wasn't the first time when he shut his heart down. He hadn't listened to it for years. So why should he start now?


	22. Chapter 22: The never-ending sleep

**22. The never-ending sleep**

Everyone in Whiterun was celebrating Jarl Balgruuf's birthday. The big party in the Dragonsreach had started early in the afternoon and as the evening approached, more and more people came up the reach and offered their heartwarming congratulations to the Jarl. Everyone in Whiterun was invited.

It was exactly the kind of thing J'Ziir hated. He didn't like gatherings and he only wished that at some point he could just slip out unnoticed. But that seemed impossible. Everyone wanted to meet the Dragonborn, wanted to shake his hand, even give him a hug and thank him for saving Whiterun and Skyrim. The fact that he was a Khajiit didn't seem to bother anyone. But J'Ziir was having a hard time not push the people aside and just rudely walk out.

He was not the only one who was suffering that evening. Sura was more afraid that she had been ever since she was rescued. Wherever she looked somehow she always managed to see him somewhere in the crowd - stalking her. But before she could make out his features, he always managed to slip away. Janessa was with her and even Lydia stayed by her side, but still she looked around like a trapped animal, looking for a way out.

She hadn't slept in almost two nights and her frantic mind was playing tricks on her, she knew that. The bards were playing joyful music and their heavenly voices were beautiful but Sura could barely hear them. She only heard her own heartbeat and felt her own anxiety. But her anguished mind had come up with a plan and if she could only have few moments to herself, this would all be over very soon.

She didn't notice how many people watched her. Lydia and Janessa kept their eyes on her, the Jarl observed her and Farengar came to see her every now and then.

Even Vilkas couldn't keep his eyes away. He hadn't seen her in days, in weeks in fact. And he had never seen her so timid, so scared and it weighed his heart. He didn't try to get close to her. Her reaction to every man was the same, few steps back and be as invisible as possible. So he didn't try to get close. Watching her from afar, that had to be enough. The future he had hoped they might share someday was now lost for for good.

There was one more person watching her. The piercing eyes of the Dragonborn swiped by her every now and then. He also steered clear of her, but he was looking for something familiar, some signs or a gesture that would finally reveal him the truth. He hated the uncertainty. He wanted to be sure, to be sure that she wasn't Raji, and he could finally give up his foolish hope and concentrate on other things. He had postponed his original plans for way too long, it was time to get back on track.

Sura was wearing a blue dress. She had the necklace, J'Ziir could see that. But it wasn't glowing like all those years ago when Raji had worn it. He kept his eyes on her as he moved around. Very soon he noticed that Vilkas was also watching her. His eyes were filled with yearning, longing, pain and anger. He recognized the anger, he had carried it with himself for a long time. He knew what it was like to feel powerless, to stop bad things from happening to someone you loved.

Sura wasn't the only lady that caught his attention that night. No matter how much he tried to deny it he simply could not see her. Ignore her. Over and over his eyes sought her out from the crowd. His housecarl wasn't wearing her normal steel armor that night. She was actually wearing a gown. And he noticed that there was actually very, very much to see. While her armor covered her chest and her backside, this red dress revealed every voluptuous curve. It annoyed him to notice that he was clearly attracted to her. Aroused by her. Exited to caress her with his eyes. He would have liked to order her to change her gown to her normal armor. But since it couldn't be helped, he tried to keep his eyes away from her with a little success.

And even more agonizing was the memory. The words they had exhanged some time ago in the small bedroom at the Bannered Mare.

_"__I can almost imagine you...naked, sweaty, moaning, screaming, begging for more. Tell me...could I make you beg for more?" _Did I really say that to her? J'Ziir closed his eyes and sighed. The worst part being that he actually wanted to see her like that. See her beg for more...

The food and the drink that the Jarl was offering to his guests was very delicious and everyone seemed to enjoy the party. The Jarl greeted his guests and walked among the people and Irileth was like an angry ghost that followed him everyone. He was happy to see the Companions to attend the party and stopped to talk with them for a long time. Then he continued and walked towards J'Ziir who was having difficulties to keep all the eager young women at bay. Suddenly all the women in Whiterun were interested in him, some were practically throwing themselves at him and their attention annoyed him.

- Are you enjoying the party, Dragonborn? the Jarl asked and smiled to him. As usual, he didn't smile back.

- To be honest, I'm not, he replied.

- Well, that is unfortunate, the Jarl said but his eyes and smile told otherwise. J'Ziir could swear that the Jarl was pleased to see him being teased and bothered.

- Isn't it marvelous to see the hope in our people's faces? the Jarl asked him and looked around. - After such troubled times, to see them laugh, relax and have a good time. This, he open his arms as to embrace all of the Whiterun. - This is why I am glad to see you here. You, Dragonborn, give them hope. Simply seeing you and hearing stories about you make them believe that our land could be peaceful, safe place to live once again.

- Not everyone is so relaxed and happy, J'Ziir mentioned and once again his eyes found the Khajiit girl. She clearly wanted to turn and run. It seemed almost too cruel to force her to stay here, to force her to be surrounded by all these people, no matter how familiar they were to her.

- Yes, the Jarl nodded and sadness covered his face momentarily. - But I have known here most of her life. She is not as fragile as she thinks. Like this land, she is tough and persistent. She may bend but she will not break.

_Keep living in your fantasy world, old man,_ J'Ziir thought, grabbed his drink and walked away from him. The Jarl was popular among his people and didn't seem to mind his abrupt exit. Soon enough he was surrounded by his people again and his warm, loud laughter filled the air. To his liking, the Jarl was too soft and too idealistic. He had managed to stay neutral so far, but sooner or later the raging war in the land would caught up with him. Then his softness would only be his downfall.

He walked away from the crowd and wandered in to the court wizards workroom. It was quiet and empty and no one had noticed him. A perfect place for him to catch his breath and then slip away silently and unnoticed. He had thought that the grumpy wizard wouldn't leave his work, he didn't seem much of the partying type, least of all because of some meaningless gathering. And yet the wizards seemed to be enjoying himself, the people around him and especially one special lady. The owner of the alchemy shop, Arcadia, was smiling and laughing with him openly and their mutual attraction was visible to almost everyone.

J'Ziir shook his head, gulped down the rest of his drink and started to inspect the room. He had never been that interested in magic. His father had known few small tricks but that was about it. He glanced at the many bottles and vials in glass cabinets with difficult names, pouches of different ingredients and powders. Troll skulls and mammoth tusks gathered dust in the highest shelves - he didn't know where they part of the wizard's experiments or just useless random junk he collected. Some old spell books were stuck under the furniture and Farengar's table was filled with empty bottles, alchemy recipes and soul gems of different shapes and sizes.

He looked around curiously and eventually stopped at Sura's door. It was ajar which meant that she wasn't as careful as before. He made sure that no one saw what he was about to do and then slowly pushed the door open with his foot. He had been in her room before, it was small and tidy and revealed nothing personal of its owner. At first glance he saw nothing that would interest him but as he was backing out, his eyes found the small chest that was pushed against the wall, right next to the door.

He left the door slightly ajar, exactly as it had been, so it wouldn't seem suspicious but he would hear if someone came in to the wizard's room. He crouched down and tried to open the chest. Locked, no surprise there. The lock didn't seem to be too sturdy, he had faced more difficult challenges. He pulled his out trusty dagger and just a few careful jiggles and one satisfying click later, he stared the Khajiit girls insignificant worldly possessions. Some potions, the same red vials that she had given him when they had first seen each other. Gold, not much but probably enough for her personal things. And the dirty, old dress he had seen before. He touched it, caressed the old fabric and took it in his hands. What was buried underneath it, caught him totally by surprise.

Suddenly, he was twelve years old again and trying to sew back the ear he had torn off from his sister stuffed rabbit. He clearly remembered his mother's stern gaze, how she stood beside him and didn't allow him to leave until the ear had been sewn back on. He saw Raji's teary eyes but also a glint of happiness when she realized that her bunny wasn't completely ruined and soon enough it had both of its ears back.

The blood rushed through his brains, he heard his own heartbeat in his ears as he reached out for the old memory, for the old stuffed toy. It was missing its other eye and like the dress, it was dirty and stinky and abandoned. But he saw the stitches, the sloppy, careless seam that he had made. After it was done, his mother gently pulled the ear to make sure that it was properly in its right place. And then she pulled his ear, not so gently. It was a lesson that he never forgot.

He could barely stand, it was like his knees were made of jelly. All this time he had only tried to find reasons to deny everything he saw, to deny the dead person in front of him. The anger he had so long nurtured and carried along with him had blinded his eyes. Even when the most obvious things told him otherwise, the necklace, the dress and now, the stuffed rabbit. But he could no longer keep his eyes closed.

He stepped outside, still holding the rabbit in his other hand, half leaning against the wall. His brain tried to tell him what this all meant, how he would able to cope with this. As Sura walked into the room, there was nowhere he could hide but he didn't have the strenght nor the will to do so.

She didn't see him, that much he understood. He didn't want to move, he could only watch her, absorb her presence. The past and the present came crashing down, all in a huge mess that clouded his mind. That's why he couldn't really tell what she was doing, couldn't react in time, wasn't able to stop her.

Sura was rummaging through one of the cabinets, frantically looking for something. She didn't care if she ruined Farengar's carefully laid out order, she was looking for a certain potion. No, she though. Not a potion. _A poison._

Farengar had given it to her once, only a small amount to help her sleep. But she also remembered his words.

_" It will make sure that you sleep without dreams."_

_"This is the maximum amount you can take. If you drink more, you will die."_

_"You will die..."_

In her current situation, that didn't sound too bad.

_"You will die."_

She had stolen the key from the wizard and lost both Janessa and Lydia somewhere in the crowd. Now was her only chance. If she could forget, sleep without dreams, sleep without seeing _him, _without hearing him, without smelling him, her life would be a fair trade. It wasn't much of a life anyway, she thought as he found what she was looking for. The bright, blue liquid which Farengar had sealed in the rearmost part of the cabinet. She grabbed it and squeezed the small bottle in her hands, her only way out of this misery, and she wasn't about to let it go.

_Don't hesitate_, she told herself. _You don't need to think about this._

She opened the bottle. The sweet, overpowering scent of the liquid surrounded her. _Quikly_, she told herself. _Before someone comes here!_

She lifted the bottle to her lips, closed her eyes for a second, swallowed and then she drank the whole bottle. Her hands shook as the small glass vial dropped to the floor and shattered to small pieces.

_"You will die..."_

The sound of breaking glass woke J'Ziir from his dreamlike state. He shook his head, the rabbit fell to the floor with a soft thud. She spun around and saw him standing at her door. It should have been odd to see him there, but it wasn't. It was almost natural, like she had waited for him to be there. Her head began to spin and she had to lean against the table for support. She looked at him through a grey haze, her eyes began to cloud and it was slowly getting harder to breath.

- That's mine, she whispered and pointed at the rabbit.

In mere seconds she lost her balance and he ran to her, grabbed her by her arms and shook her violently.

- What did you take? he demanded but she was barely able to hear him. – Raji...

- I just...wanted to forget, she mumbled against his chest. His body was warm and strong, she heard his heartbeat against her ear. A good place to fall asleep, she thought.

_A safe place. _


	23. Chapter 23: Fade to black

**23. Fade to black**

The party was over.

The reach was quiet.

The great longhouse was empty and abandoned. Even Irileth was gone from her usual post near the Jarl's throne. The guards were quiet and the servants were carefully cleaning up the place.

The lifeless body of the young Khajiit girl was carried upstairs and laid upon the Jarl's bed. The room was filled with people. Lydia was kneeling besides the bed, sobbing, holding her cold hand and calling her name. The Jarl walked back and forth, back and forth, from his personal study to his bedroom and back again. Farengar and Danica Pure-Spring did their best, both casting spells, using their power and energy but eventually they glanced at each other, _-" we have to give up"_, hope fading slowly away.

Vilkas and Farkas stood near the door, both brothers were quiet and uncomfortable. They wanted to do something, help somehow, but this was out of their reach. Farkas sensed his brother's anxiety and lowered his hand on his shoulder. Janessa stood next to them, for the first time the Dunmer looked completely out of her element. Never had she failed in her task this badly. Slowly she pulled out all the coin purse the Jarl had given her, placed it on the desk, turned and left. No one tried to stop her.

Lydia's teary eyes searched for her Thane and when she finally found him, she stood up, walked towards him and smacked him in the face. He didn't try to stop her and she smacked him again. When he finally looked at her, she was ready to smack her the third time. But the look in his eyes stopped her. Her hand froze in mid air. She had never seen such regret, such loss in anyone's eyes. And the fact she saw those feelings in her Thane's eyes was even more astonishing. Her Thane, the unfeeling, cold, calculating Dragonborn, who loathed her, loathed the Nords and their country. But Sura wasn't a Nord, why hadn't he stopped her? Why hadn't he intervened? If he'd done something, then Sura wouldn't be..._no! Don't go there! _Lydia told herself. _She is not going die!_

- Farengar! the Jarl stepped in to the room. - How is she doing?

- Miraculously, she is still alive, Farengar sighed. - But I'm afraid that will not be the case for long.

- What did she took? Lydia spun around and her pleading eyes looked for answers in the court wizards face.

- One of the strongest poisons I have, Farengar said. - How she got the key is beyond me. I always keep it with me, but...

- Is there an antidote? Vilkas cut it.

- No, Farengar shook his head.

Silence fell in the room. Farengar and Danica stepped away from the bed. Neither of them looked at the Jarl.

- So, there is nothing you can do, J'Ziir finally said what everyone else was afraid ask.

- There is nothing I can do, Farengar admitted silently.

- There has to be a way! Lydia screamed, kneeled next to the bed again, took Sura's hand and wept. - We can't just give up!

- It's what she wanted, J'Ziir said and they all looked at him, disbelief and shock in their faces. - None of you understood. You forced her to go around, reliving her nightmare over and over again. What was it you said, Jarl? _She will bend but not break! _Well, she has been broken for a long time.

- What would you have us do then? the Jarl asked. - Leave her in the room, where she would have buried herself alive. Would it have been any better to let her starve? To let her die!

- In the end, J'Ziir looked at him. - She chose death anyway.

- Stop it! Lydia screamed again. - Stop it. Don't say that! She's not dead! She doesn't need to hear this...she...

- Wait! Farengar lifted his head. There was hope in his voice and everyone looked up at him. - Maybe...maybe there is someone who can help.

- Who? Vilkas asked and stepped forward. He was ready to leave immediately, even if it meant leaving Skyrim, going to Cyrodiil or even as far as Elsweyr.

- The Arch-Mage at the College of Winterhold, Farengar said. - Savor Aren is a wise man, he knows everything about magic that there is to know. The college also has more knowledge of potions and spells than me. If he could help us...

- We are going, Vilkas said to his brother and he nodded. - We will bring the wizard back before tomorrow.

- One more thing, Farengar quickly scribbled down the recipe for the poison Sura had used. - Give this to him, he knows what has happened.

- Dragonborn, the Jarl turned around but realized that the Khajiit was nowhere to be seen. He had wanted to ask him to go along with the Companions, but once again the silent predator had slipped away unnoticed.

* * *

><p>Winterhold was a small, insignificant village, covered by snow and isolated by the sea and high, rugged cliffs. The wind was sharp and cut right through his cuirass, but he was finally here. He hadn't waited for the wolf brothers, but he knew they weren't far behind. And hour, maybe less. All he needed now was Winterhold and the Arch-Mage.<p>

The ride from Whiterun to the North coast of Skyrim had been long and exhausting but he had pushed on, and stopped only to feed his horse or give it a quick rest. He knew the animal was tired, the cold wind, the long distance and the constant snowfall had exhausted the sturdy mare. As he rode through the village, the sun cast it's early morning rays to the high mountains. The snow and the ice sparkled, only few guards walked around but other than that, the village was quiet and empty.

The college was huge and very impressive building which was hard to miss. It was build upon a natural stone formation, using the steep and effective attractiveness of its surroundings. The massive stone building was off-putting and quiet. It left the rest of the village in its shadow and an ominous presence lingered around it. J'Ziir didn't wonder why mages and magic wasn't very popular in Skyrim.

He jumped of his horse, snow creaked under his boots and the air he exhaled vaporized. His fur kept him warm and he was slowly getting used to the cold climate of the land. He glanced at the stony walls and high towers.

So, this is where the mages hid themselves. A perfect little hiding place, in a remote corner of the world. A defensible position, no need to take any part in what's happening outside these walls.

He strode up the stone ramp and was greeted by a young Altmer sorceress. She was the gatekeeper of the college and anyone who wanted to enter, had to go through her.

- Greetings, she said courteously. - How can I help you?

- This the college, right? J'Ziir started.

- Yes, this is it, the woman answered. - A safe haven for mages in Skyrim, a place of wisdom and arcane knowledge.

- I'm here to see the Arch-Mage, J'Ziir stated. - Where is he?

- I'm sorry, the woman smiled at him apologetically. - The Arch-Mage is a busy man. Unless you state your business, I can't allow you to see him.

- Can I see him, or do I have to find him myself? J'Ziir was tired, hungry and this woman was getting on his nerves.

- Like I said, she repeated patiently. - He is a busy man. Please tell me your reasons for wishing to see him.

- Where is he? J'Ziir stepped ahead but the Altmer blocked his way. Instinctively he reached out for his axe, but she backed away, assumed a defensible stand and her hands filled with flames. He reconsidered his actions. Maybe violence wasn't the best option here. Her eyes were now dark and threatening.

- This is not a place where you can push your way in with brute force, the Altmer said sternly. - Only those who come with peaceful intentions are allowed in.

- We are not here to cause trouble, a calm voice behind J'Ziir stated. - We came to get help.

The Altmer lowered her hands but she kept her eyes on the angry looking Khajiit. He seemed fierce and dangerous, powerful and quick. But her duty was to defend the college and she was confident in her abilities.

The wolf brothers came at last, J'Ziir thought and glanced back. He had to admit, they were formidable warriors and seemed durable and hardy. And they had gained him much faster than he anticipated. The two men joined him at the gate and he was slightly surprised to see Farkas flashing an encouraging smile to him. Are we suddenly friends? he wondered.

- There is a sick girl in Whiterun, Vilkas assumed his role as the natural leader. - She is dying. The Arch-Mage is the only one who might be able to help. We were sent by the Jarl's court wizard, Farengar Secret-Fire.

- All of you? the Altmer seemed suspicious. - Even...him? she pointed at the Khajiit.

- Even him, Vilkas nodded.

- Very well, she finally nodded. - Follow me.

- Just like my brother always says, Farkas nudged J'Ziir in the shoulder. - Use your words, not your swords.

She led them through the crumbly and degrading path, warned them to watch their step. The college had lost it glory over the times and its most magical days were far behind. They walked through a circular inner courtyard where a massive stone statue spread its arms as to welcome the visitors but also show the power the mages inside wielded. Despite the massive size of the building, the place felt empty, almost abandoned.

She guided them to spacious hall and asked them to wait. Three stone steps led to a lower platform and the hall was governed by a magical, bright blue beam in its center. They hadn't seen anyone else along the way. It was early morning, the sun had barely risen and its tinted, golden light shone through the windows.

She excused herself and the three men were left to stand around waiting and watching. Time seemed to crawl, every breath, sigh and sound was amplified by the high ceiling. They didn't talk to each other and the neither of the brothers asked why J'Ziir had come to Winterhold by himself or why he had left before them. All that mattered was the Arch-Mage. And the small, lingering hope that there was something he might be able to do.

They didn't know how long they had waited, time seemed to stop in this place. After some time, the Altmer returned to them. Few steps behind her walked a Dunmer. His red eyes searched their faces and he was eager to hear what they had to say. It wasn't very often that the college received visitors. He had expertise in many different fields of magic and he was confident in his abilities. An aura of peace radiated from him and he greeted them with a calm, steady voice.

- Welcome to the College of Winterhold, he extended his hand. - I am Arch-Mage Savos Aren. Faralda here told me that you are in need of my help. What can I do for you?

- A Khajiit girl in Whiterun is dying, Vilkas cut right to the chase and gave him the note that Farengar had entrusted him. - She drank a whole bottle of this poison. Farengar sent us here in hopes that you might be able to save this girl.

- Hmm, Savos Aren took the note and read it. He knew immediately what poison it was and he also realized there was no antidote for it anywhere in Skyrim. A sad occurrence indeed. - Wait, he suddenly turned to look at them. Something caught his attention. - You said you wish to save the girl. Do you mean she is still alive?

- She was, when we left, J'Ziir nodded.

The Dunmer turned to him and only now it seemed as he truly noticed him. He stared at him, stepped forward and something changed in his eyes. It was a minor change, no one else caught it, but somehow the Arch-Mage _knew_ him. Or at least he thought he did. He opened his mouth, he clearly wanted to say something, a name maybe but then the moment was over, he shook his head and turned to Faralda.

- Go to the Arcanaeum, he said to her. - Tell Urag it's time. He'll understand.

The Altmer left and the Arch-Mage focused his intention to his visitors once more. He tried not look at the Khajiit but eventually he could not help himself. The Dunmer's eyes lingered in his face, in his scars, his wounds and he clearly saw all the suffering he had endured. His eyes reflected pity and sadness but his voice was steady. - I will come with you. I can't promise anything until we get there, but I have a strong feeling that we can save her. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will go gather my things.

He left the Hall of Elements and walked to the doors that led to his quarters. What do I need to take with me? Urag would bring him the books, the letters, the diary. All he needed was his satchel and some potions and herbs. And if the girl was still alive, there was only one explanation.

_The necklace._

And if she had the necklace, the other part was all that he needed.

On the foyer, he slowed down, stopped and looked back. _Just like his father_, he thought_. The same passion, the same burning eyes. It is almost like he has returned, after all these years._

_But the hate, that was different. And there was anger, it was right beneath the surface, ready to erupt like a volcano. Had the boy seen what had happened to his family?_

_His father had known what would happen._

_That's why the Eye existed._


	24. Chapter 24: The Dragon's Eye

**24. The Dragon's eye**

They arrived in Whiterun late in the afternoon. The college had its own carriage and driver and the Arch-Mage had insisted using it. It would be much more comfortable way to travel, especially in his age, he said. Most of the journey went by in silence, only cold wind whispered its mysteries. J'Ziir was extremely relieved when they eventually arrived, he was having enough of the Arch-Mages relentless attention. Earlier that morning, when they had left Winterhold behind, he had asked why the Dunmer kept staring at him. What was he looking for? His only answer was "_who_". His patience wore thin and so he left the Dunmer in his carriage and rode ahead. And still he could feel his red eyes drilling in the back of his head.

The Jarl and the court wizard were eagerly waiting them at the longhouse. Farengar greeted the Arch-Mage delightfully and without a moments delay, led him upstairs where the unconscious girl still lay in the bed. They were all relieved to know that she was still alive. Lydia hadn't moved from her side, she had been sleeping next to her, keeping guard and monitoring her breathing, praying and wishing and hoping that she would be able to go on. When she saw the Dunmer approach them, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. _Finally_, she thought.

The Arch-Mage sat on the bed next to the girl and took her cold hand on his own. He closed his eyes and was silent for a moment. A calming, golden glow surrounded them and the people in the room simply watched. Finally he opened his eyes, set his hand on her forehead and nodded. He took her necklace in his hand, closed it in his fist for a while and as he opened it, the jewel shined. It was like an enchanted sapphire in his hand, sparkling gently against his blue skin. He turned to look at J'Ziir and reached out his other hand.

- I need your half as well, he said and J'Ziir frowned. He touched his necklace and swallowed. The Arch-Mage saw his hesitation, so he continued: - Uniting the Eye is the only way to save your sister.

Lydia stared at him, the Jarl stared at him. They all watched him with an amazement and disbelief. If he wouldn't give the necklace would they take it from him by force? Would they risk it? Would he risk it? If he wanted to save Sura - _Zahraji _- the Arch-Mage needed his necklace.

_Think later_, he told himself, removed the jewel, held it in his hand for a moment and then gave it to the Dunmer. He nodded, lifted Sura's head enough to slip it on her neck and laid her back down. The other part of the jewel reacted and the same glow enveloped it. He turned the two crescent moons against each other, recited few unfamiliar words and they all watched as the two parts locked in place. The moons turned into eyelids, both parts extended a semicircle and produced a magical, glowing pupil in the middle. It was bright blue and it lighted the whole room, it was more radiant than all the candles and flames put together.

The Arch-Mage laid the amulet to Sura's chest and the unconscious girl sighed silently. He pulled the warm furs on top of her, stood up and smiled.

- She needs four to five days but after that she should be alright, he assured.

- What is that? Farengar asked with endless curiosity. - I've never seen anything like it.

- It's called the Dragon's Eye, the Arch-Mage explained. - It's one its kind, the only one in existence. It was made by a powerful wizard, a colleague and a dear friend of mine, years ago. This is the first time I have seen it completed. But the power in each half is immense and that is what kept her alive long enough. Now that the amulet is completed, it will erase the poison in her and restore her will to live.

- How did you know? J'Ziir stared at the Dunmer.

- I knew your father, the Arch-Mage said. - And I saw your half of the necklace. But when I heard that the girl is still alive my suspicions were confirmed. There was only one power that was strong enough to keep her alive. The other half of Eye.

Lydia stood up but was still afraid to leave her friend alone. - She will live?

- Yes, she will, Savos Aren nodded.

- Thank the Gods, she sighed. Only now, after hours of being stressed, stricken with grief and full of worry, she noticed how tired she was. How exhausted and how heavy her limbs felt.

- Lydia, the Jarl said. - Go get some rest. Like the Arch-Mage said, she will be fine now.

- I would like to stay here nevertheless, she insisted but the Jarl was adamant. Farengar and the Arch-Mage were the only ones who were allowed to stay in the room. Everyone else was ordered out.

- I know she is your family, the Jarl said to J'Ziir when he refused to leave. - But she is also my family. You both have waited for years, I'm sure you can wait a couple more days. Now - I would appreciate if you took care of Lydia. Whether you like it or not, she is your housecarl.

- I released her, if you don't remember, he grunted. - She can take care of herself for all I care. There is someone else I need to be with.

- Please, the Jarl asked. - Lydia is my niece. I entrust her to your care.

The Jarl was stubborn and hard-headed. He closed the doors to his bedroom and guided J'Ziir away. He was furious and thought about forcing his way in. What right did they have to separate them now? But when the Jarl ordered his irritating housecarl to guard duty, he realized that waiting was his only choice. He didn't want to be thrown in the reach's prison.

He turned to leave only to see his tired housecarl making her way downstairs. She could barely walk and like a drunkard she swung from side to side. And what was even more ridiculous, she was still wearing the same, revealing red dress that she had worn in the Jarl's party. Seeing her condition, he felt a sudden pinch somewhere inside him, like someone had pricked him with a needle. He had already half accepted his attraction towards her, but that was all he would accept. But since she had stayed by Sura's side all this time, taking her back home would be like paying a debt. And he always paid his debts. He walked after her and grabbed her by the arm.

- Come on, he said. - I'll take you home.

- I have a bed in the barracks, she told him. - That's my home. And I can get there myself, thank you very much, my Thane.

- You can barely walk straight, J'Ziir snapped. - Now, follow me and don't argue.

- Or what? she raised her other eyebrow. - Are you going to knock me unconscious?

- I might, he snarled. - If it makes you easier to handle.

- That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Lydia slapped his hand. - As long as things are easy to handle, everything is alright. Well, my Thane. I think your simple life just got lot of more complicated. Now you actually have something to fight for.

- Keep your mouth shut, he dragged her along. - Nothing has changed.

- Nothing has changed? she was astonished. - Are you insane? I mean...with all due respect, my Thane, but still!

- Maybe I am crazy, he let go of her hand and immediately regretted his softhearted decision of taking her home. But now she was livid, almost fully awake and followed in his footsteps.

- Now do you see what I meant, Lydia grabbed his shoulder but he shook her off and continued on. - Your sister, your reason to fight and save this land.

- No, he turned to face her. - I found her, yes. But I can take her with me and leave. Neither one of us belong here. This is not our home.

- This is her home, Lydia argued and hurried after him. They rushed through the silent Market and towards the main gate. - It's been her home as long as she remembers. And the man she loves lives here! She doesn't remember you! To her you are just a rude stranger!

He stopped on his tracks. He had refused to think about it, that she still wouldn't recognize him. That there would only be a black, empty void where her real family should have been. That she would actually choose these Nords before him. And why wouldn't she? What had he done to keep her safe? Even when he had known the truth but denied it.

- J'Ziir? Lydia walked next to him and touched his hand. - Are...are you alright? I didn't mean to say that, it was rude of me. I know she will remember you eventually and...

- Don't comfort me, he growled. - Let's go.

Lydia gave up. He didn't want to talk about it, like always. And she way too tired to argue with him. But eventually he would have to face the truth and expect it. Or lose his sister all over again.

- Get inside, J'Ziir stopped at the door of a medium-sized house. It was right next to the Warmaiden's and Lydia had always admired the house. It wasn't too big nor too small, it had a spacious downstairs and a small bathroom just behind the stairs. It had two medium sized bedrooms upstairs. All in all it was a very cozy little place. If she could have chosen where to live in Whiterun, it would have been in Breezehome. But her measly payment was never enough and her father always reminded her that she would have a house of her own when she and Hadvar were married.

He opened the door and waved her in.

- Wait...what? Lydia followed him. - What is going on?

- You always complain that I don't have a place to stay, J'Ziir sighed. - Now I do. Go upstairs and get some rest. The small room on the left is yours. I have things to do.

- You bought a house? Lydia grinned and teased him. - When?

- What does it matter? he turned to leave. - I have a house and you have a place to stay. I don't want to hear anything more about it. I'm leaving, get some rest, he ordered and slammed the door shut behind him.

Lydia looked around and even his angry exit couldn't ruin her good mood. She was tired and sore and her muscles were aching but for the first time in ages she felt herself happy. Sura would survive and she would help her recover and deal with her bad memories. And what was even more amazing - her Thane had finally listened to her and bought himself a house. And not just any house. Breezehome.

She peeked in to the little room under the stairs and saw a wide, wooden bathtub in the corner. There was also two big barrels of warm and cold water. Lydia giggled - _did you planned this for me, my Thane?_ No way, that would be too much assume. She removed her gown, threw it on the floor and filled the tub with steaming water. She added some lavender leaves and tundra cottons and sighed as the warm, scented liquid embraced her body. Things were finally starting to look better, she thought and closed her eyes.


End file.
